Don't panic
It's been a year
And then some over
You're crossing lines
Missing spirit
You've outgrown her

And you've said to God
“Give me hell
If I reject my own handed death
Through this mess
I will live free and well”

But when She drew the cross on your back
You felt your spine bend and crack
As it took your breath away
And the world left you alone
For you to atone
Blackening out your day

And God watched from Her place in the sky
Entertained
Would you live or die?
Outlined that cross
In bolder lines
Watched fall to your knees
Smiled
When you grit your teeth
Instead of screamed and cried
And reminded you of that out
Over and over in your head

And you said
“Take a piece of me
And plant it under your holy tree
Bury it in the deepest hole you can
And I may wonder if I'll be whole again
Take my ability to love and then
Cut away the the best parts of me
Even wicked to see the end”

She replied
“Being of the dark
Standing bent and stark
Would you ever live again in the light?
You've traveled across my abyss
To find your way home
But even in this house of God
You would remain alone

You know the of tome
That's engraved in your bones
That fate would kiss you this way
Broken and marred
With all your scars
The light would never again love you anyway”

Then the sun that lit up your moon
Went out and made it new
Darkening those cursed eyes in your mirror
A mere ghost of you
Cut down to survive
And survive you do
Full of aching echo's
And pretend “I love you’s"

Your VCR static
Replaying that past
Again and again
Scorching your mind
The blood of your friends
To blur the lines from beginning to end

Don't panic
My friend
You won't die here
But you'll never feel alive again

The yellow sickle moon
is hay in the barn, the way
that youth is exuberant
and death is wise.
The dogwood is a tree
full of butterflies -
so life strikes,
then death strikes.
In the calendar of life, fall
just a handful of holidays
perfect for the making of love.

i am not enough of
what i need to be
and too much of
what i am
sometimes the ribbons just
cut me to pieces
i talk to myself and say
“god i just love you”
and i respond back sometimes
i’m just not sure what i say
the days hang low around my waist
you may catch a glimpse of me
sliding conversations in my pockets
i get home and drop them on my desk
rewind and review
i forget my umbrella a lot
and it’s not like i’m afraid of the rain
i’m afraid that i'll enjoy it so much
that i’ll pull fire alarms
just to start the sprinklers.

I was talkin' with Lacey some time ago.
The conversation took us hear and there,  to and fro.
'Til fin'ly I said."Lacey, how come you don't love me no mo'?"
Lacey replied. "You ask me that now eh? What brought that to mind?
The reason is now lost somewhere in time.
In any case mate, I think we'll both be fine.
But since we're atit, 'ow come you neva loved me?"
Lacey, it's not that I didn't ya see.
I love ya now, jus at the time, I had no idea of how.
A moment of silence fell then Lacey took a deep breath and said ..."Well."

Thinkin' bout that conversation we had some time ago.
That took Lacey and me hear and there, to and fro.
There's one thin' I'd like her t' know.
If she were here I'd hold her and neva let her go.

everything's changing
yet i'm here still remaining
growing stronger and gaining
my Light from what pained me