for all the times my consent didn't matter to you.
for all the times you told me that since we're in a relationship I should want to have *** with you.
for all the times I had to hide in the bathroom crying while looking at all the red marks and the bruises.
for all the nights I stayed up trying to catch my breath while you were sleeping beside me.
for all the times I cried during an act that was supposed to be intimate.
for all the times you grabbed me and said "please, baby, please? I love you"
for all the times you saw me crying because of the random man who tried to grab me on the streets.
for all the times I told you about my PTSD I suffered due to childhood ****** abuse.
for all the times you took advantage of me.
for all the times you hurt me, I am now going to conquer.

you have made me suffer through another type of abuse,
an abuse that many people don't realize real.
because of you, I suffered through domestic violence/marital ****.

I am not a victim, I am a survivor.

Almost two years ago, the place I once called home began crashing down beside me while I was surrounded by flames. Who knew that with my suicidal ideologies I would clench on to my life as my lungs began to fill with smoke. When I was standing outside in a blizzard with a t-shirt, pyjama pants and no shoes on screaming while on the phone with 911, I watched all my childhood memories, home, and everything I've ever owned burn in front of me. The firefighters, the media, the company who salvaged anything they could and the town couldn't stop saying how lucky my step dad and I are to be alive; that we should not be here today, but we have an angel watching over us. The girl who who was hospitalized for attempted suicide and depression four months before this incident was begging for her life and is so thankful to be here today. I have learned that I am meant to be here, that I have a purpose. Who knew that being so close to death because of something I had no control over would make me love life, and everything about it. It was the fire that took everything, but gave me everything all at the same time.

The worst part about putting so much love and trust into someone is watching them walk out the door they used to call home

I wish you got lost into my eyes
just like you do when you're reading
your favourite book

Be the anchor that holds me
in this sea of mayhem
And the light that guides me
down the right path
I feel like my thoughts are as
destructive as a hurricane
Shelter me as I'm terrified of
this horrifying aftermath

I am worried that one day
I will fade from your memory
for it is you who gave me hope
when I thought all was lost