I have changed.
But I still look the same.
And I have the same name.
The same friends.
The same past.
The same judgement.
The same shame.

Loving her
Was so difficult
It was like smoking a cigarette
Because I hated it so much
But craved it every day
Needed her taste on my tongue
I loved the rhythm
The consistency
Hated the mornings after
And the disease in my lungs
Even though she smelled so sweet
It was like she poisoned me every day
Yet I kept coming back for more

Would it matter,
if I told you,
         I still love you,
         I still need you,

I still look for you -----
         even as the shadows
                    climb the hills
and the new moon
                    hears the howls
                    of distant dogs
somewhere down this
             lonely Kansas road,
where the wind blows songs
        through the green pine
and the memories of you
                    still haven't left
                                my mind.

No, it would't matter one
               bit ,not in the least.

That's just the way it is.
                                                             ­                 Jon York   2021

i was lost and you're aware
i know for you looked into these eyes
with such longing glance and stare
we both understood our truths and lies

She, was an invaluable treasure in my heart
I, was a calculated risk she would not take