i know that this wasn’t just a thing.
i know that i didn’t believe in love at first sight until i laid eyes on you, and your messy hair, and your perfect crooked teeth
and i didn’t know that a sound could bring such pure, unadulterated joy until the moment you parted your lips and introduced yourself to me
and i didn’t know the feeling of my heart being ripped out of my ribcage until you plunged your hand inside of my chest and held it, still pulsing, in your palm.
i didn’t know that my heart had a voice louder than the one inside of my mouth until i heard it shout your name with every beat, 80 times a minute, every minute we were apart.
i didn’t know that a person could have such control over another human being until i found myself wasting hours, losing sleep, waiting for you to text, or call, or to even think about me enough to care.
see, when you told me you loved me it was like a garden was in full bloom at my feet every step i took. for ten months all the weeds in the cracks of the pavement were daisies.
i would have stopped myself if i knew they were going to turn into poison ivy.
i didn't know you stopped loving me until you touched every part of my body and decided that you'd had enough. i didn't know you stopped loving me until i found myself waiting for days for as much as a message from you, at least saying you still gave a **** about how i was doing.
i didn't know you stopped loving me until i started praying to a god that i'd stopped believing in, begging for at least the slightest glimmer of hope that you hadn't given up on us, you hadn't given up on me.
i guess now that i've realised all this, i know that this was just a 'thing' to you. and i guess i have to be okay with that.

The world is a massive and untouchable beast, its rolling hills and sharp jutting mountains expand ever tauntingly against the vision of our eyes. Knowing full well we cannot truly explore the vastness and strange diversity of this blue pearl. So when compared to the unfathomably Godlike terrain of the universe we all stare in awe wondering what beauty and destructive natures it holds. Comparable our own gem twinkles in the sky ever fleeting next to millions upon millions of dancing stones and raging suns, even our own Sol is dwarfed, even made insect like to that of greater gasses throwing tendrils of blood red flames in all directions. We are but a speck, a stranger curiosity to the universe than the universe is as strange a curiosity to us. And beyond all this, all these dancing stones and despite our size our pirouettes and twirling lines of silk send the vast nothingness into a daze. For the universe is great and unfathomable and impossible we too are impossible. For we carry…
Life.

And that in itself is special enough to warrant wonder and amazement, but just like the ever expanding size of the universe the earth digs even deeper to the unthinkable. Seven billion men and women walk on these paths of man made concrete and Earth’s dazzling dirt and harsh ruddy mud and sand, all spread across the four corners of our home. We have made beautiful concepts such as honour, curiosity, family and love, we have raised buildings and amazing structures to honour these concepts and their brilliance. We harnessed the beauty of earth and shaped it into something even the universe cannot hope to recreate without our help.

But…
I still can’t understand something. I can grasp what many cannot - which I should think of as a illuminative and enriching gift - but i still cannot understand one thing; a strange being born from the universe somehow more amazing and diverse than our mother Earth.

And that's you. You are something that I absolutely cannot grasp, you in my eyes overshadow the infinite universe, and I am mad because I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Maybe it's because of your personality; your swings from happy to sad and everything in between, not unlike the diversity of earth, your beauty mimicking the glistening diamond seas, meadow fields and sunlit jungles that blaze with heat. The way you speak is like chirping birds and the wind rolling against fluttering bronze whistles. When you walk into a room it seems in a couth way everything seems to revolve around you, as if - and pardon my pun you were the Sol of the room and only i could see it. Maybe it's because just like Earth you have the potential to carry life and create something that just like Earth can never be replicated, your individuality and that of your possible child sends me into a crazed wonder of whether that's even fair to other women. Maybe it's because despite all the dancers in the world when you dance to me you are the most elegant even if it's not objectively true. But maybe it’s because you just seem too impossible, too great to be true. The physical embodiment of all the qualities that make Earth - Earth.

But maybe it's not even that. I think after assessing it I may know why I can’t understand the most amazing thing that floats around you taunting my vision and heart.

It’s that in defiance of the fact that you are an ungraspable demigod I still managed to steal you from seven billion people. From the earth, even from the universe itself. Against the wishes of millions it is I - a lowly man - that claimed your heart. I think it dazzles me so that I could grasp you from when I thought of you as ungraspable, I think it dazzles me how a being as small as you can still stand fast against floating entities of amazement like the Earth. I think it dazzles me how you laugh and sing, how you’ve mastered your own voice and the four stringed instrument that in my opinion should be named string full sound pan, but instead is dubbed ukulele. I think it dazzles me anytime you say you love me and just accept that my manhood can sometimes be too fragile to say it back. I think it dazzles me how you laugh at all my jokes - even the ones that in all respect don't even deserve a reaction. I think it dazzles me how you always listen and always remember when compared to me i'm always distracted and have the memory of an elegant goldfish. I think it dazzles me that in this world that is so cold and so unforgiving in which I sometimes find hard to grasp and instead turn apathetic too you still manage to dazzle me.

You dazzle me and it's the most annoying and frustrating thing in the world. You confuse me and make me question absolutely everything, there is no peace when you're around. You always have me on my feet and you always challenge me with your love. So please…

Never stop dazzling me.

i'm not good enough.
and you'll never hear me say that
i'm worth living for.

tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her
you can't

mirror, mirror, on the wall
who is the fairest of them all?
the one whose lips are painted red
the one who lives forever in dread?
mirror, mirror, on the wall
burning sunrise, hear my call
fall upon those who wish to be dead
keep them safe and watch where they tread.
mirror, mirror, on the wall
read my poem, see my scrawl
tell me how it feels to bleed,
red as a rose, this is our creed.

a hurricane in her mind,
hurtling through and
destroying all that she loved
body trembling
she picked up the pieces and promised:
**never again will i trust myself

*******. You've ruined my relationships with people. You make me overthink everything. I'm even overthinking submitting this letter. You treat my mind like a room and you're shoving my positive thoughts in the corner when I need them most. I'm sick of you butting in whenever I'm having a good day. It makes me feel terrible and guilty for ignoring my friends, when I'm not really ignoring them, I'm just too afraid to talk. I've been wanting to apply for a job since I turned old enough but I'm too afraid to speak up and ask my teachers to be my reference. And you know what? That's ******* bullying. Stop ruining opportunities for me. I'm so sick of it.
Some day, you will leave. I will be sure of that. I will get better. I will come out of this stronger. You can't stop me.
You do not define me.

i was too young to see the stupidity of it
hoping and praying i would die quickly and painlessly
******* on the life i was meant to have
counting the pills that would be the death of me
never knowing what would come next
shaking, crying, i swallowed those ****** pills
i passed out on my bed with a smile on my face
and i dreamed that i would never wake up
i guess i was wrong
i was really ******* wrong
i woke up and cursed all the heavenly beings i knew
and the smile on my face turned into a scowl
now i realise the stupidity of it
i guess
i’ll just have to wish to get run over or something

i keep telling myself i'm moving on
that i don't love you any more
but these paper boats keep drifting to you
and i know that i'm too far in
to swim back to shore.
my eyes keep drooping closed but my hands won't stop moving, i need to keep writing,
can't get enough of you, i told you how much i loved you and you let me go

i see you in the stars and the clouds.
i see you in the trees and
i hear you in the flowers.
i see your face in my dreams and i lose you in my nightmares.
whenever your arm or knee brushes against mine everything turns to gold-
but just for a split second
and as you turn away i realize i'm not really over you

how ******* unfortunate
that the one opportunity i had to kiss you was the day that my lips were stuck together
like an alcoholic’s lips are pressed against an empty glass of red wine; never enough,
always waiting for that one last drop of satisfaction
and how ******* unfortunate that i had to go and spend all day
writing letters to you that i'd never post
and painting my arms red like they were a canvas
i guess it’s kind of my fault that it’s so ******* unfortunate how whenever you're finally there i'm too terrified of your eyes to say hello
how
*******
unfortunate

i need someone i feel at home with
someone who smiles genuinely and laughs for real
i hope you find someone better than me
and that you don’t spend all day praying for a cure
i hope you’re doing better than i am

what is there to love about me
there have been pieces of me that i have left behind where i walked
and in their place there are burn marks where you touched my skin.
i am not whole
and i need you much more than you know, because someday i'll lose myself completely

everything you touch is alchemy in the sense that everything you touch is golden, everything you are is golden, you are golden

pieces of her existence would fall into place around me
like the moonlit sky meeting the horizon
and that's when i knew i was at home with her

just like tears falling onto my scarred cheeks. i scratched them in my sleep-
i was having a nightmare. i thought i was losing you.
i only dream in black and white
and maybe that's why i can't tell the difference between you and the empty page in front of me,
and why finding my true colours was so difficult-
because i was darkness and you were the light.

for some unforeseen reason you're always there at the back of my mind and i don't know why- it's not like i'm in LOVE with you, right?
i'm not totally sane and everything i do has traces of you in it and whenever i think of you my heart stops beating for a moment
you are the blood that flows through my veins and you are never there but at the same time you are always right at the back of my mind

take me to the moon
show me the stars
show me your colours
i'll show you my scars
fix my heart
i'll make yours skip beats
fall asleep in my arms,
wake up,
repeat

you ruined me
you made me crave your touch,
become addicted to your voice.
i write on walls,
letters that i'll never post.
i pray to nobody, curse at everybody.
i want nothing but you, but you're
there
and i'm all the way
here
and it's all pain here.

there was a clock. tick, tock.

it's an endless ticking. consuming me. i can't write, i can't read, i can't sleep. tick, tock.

i hear her voice inside my head. sometimes she screams. tick, tock.

i can't stop thinking. poetry comes in short, five-syllabled lines, always there and never gone. tick, tock.

reverberating tones; beeps, hums and clicks. keyboard tapping, heavy breathing. tick, tock.

one day, it stopped.
it's going to be okay.

people cover me in a thick blanket of comforting words and tense remarks, biting at my skin and making imaginary bruises, tender to the touch.

i'm still here. i was never gone. my wings are taking me nowhere and my shoulder blades ache from the weight, but still they hold on.

i walk on the footpath of a smoke-filled congested road, always invisible but never unseen.

desire for something i don't know. but it's there. never gone

I am just
Skin and bones
A fragile china bowl
That seems to be full of your favorite
Ingredients-
All I ask of you
Is that you don't
Break me

Like a restless little upbeat cabaret. But I disagree today.
Hilarious decapitated, degraded parts of the soul and body.
The left thumb and the right index, pieces of a lively jelly
consisted of dark and shiny old blood. Pieces from the railroad.
Hilarious.

Comical anxiety in the late hours, vomiting
in the early. My euphoria when blood
drains and thickens. Blood's silent, never
violent, aesthetic, comical.

Amusing ****-faced, *** licking hypocrite-
selfless sons of ******* wanting to know
how I feel and what's up. Nothing's up
and everything's down, little deprived teens of a world where
only Coca-Cola matters. Amusing.

Entertaining nightmares, a head rolling into the sewer, a ******
dark finger bouncing after and the floating soul has come to say
"the dead can't testify and because I can't take an eye for an eye,
in the afterlife I'll haunt you till you die."

Sympathy is reserved for George Bush and empathy for the African children.
So don't wave it in my face, Coca-Cola teens. Pick up your pitchforks and hang me around the gallows pole.
Shoot concrete in my veins because today I'm lifeless just like my telephone. There's nothing to gain and I can't fight the pain.

That's why today I'm insane.
-Fariiniq

i've never seen
a single thing
about you
that i haven't liked

your eyes are dark as thunderclouds
and sometimes i feel like i could
f
  a
     l
        l
into them.
they consume me
make me breathless

drunk kisses in bars
smell of alcohol on your lips
taste of your last shot on your tongue
warm flesh from breathlessness
ruthless grabbing and groping
always wanting moremoremore

fingers brushing on skin
soft loving words echoed into ears
clumsy kisses planted onto lips
smell of your cologne rubbing off on bedsheets
warm flesh on my frail body
comforting sounds of your love
reassuring

when people ask me 'what type of poetry do you like?'
i tell them that i like real poetry
not fake meaningless poetry with technical words that i don't even know.
i tell them poetry has to have EMOTION
and it doesn't have to make sense.
it doesn't have to rhyme, either.
poetry should be raw. it should be written when you don't think you have anything to write about
like that time you were lying in bed and thought of a single word planted onto paper to create a whole stanza, and then five stanzas.
find poetry in music. in the low guitar riffs and the drum beat. find it in the lyrics and the vocals. find words in trees. in lights. in a bottle of nail polish. in your first love and your last laugh.
find poetry when you fall and a stranger helps you up. find it in a busker at the train station. find it when you give that busker some money and find it when you see that the busker appreciates you. find poetry in poetry.

i miss your warmth when our bodies were pressed together
i miss how you smelled of raspberries and sugar
and your warm breath on my neck.
i miss sunny days lying on the grass and making shapes out of clouds
and i miss your clumsy hands intertwined in mine.
i miss your sleepy smile in the mornings
but the thing i miss most of all
is the sweet taste of your lips against mine.

we stood
on the edge of a steep cliff
and we fell together
falling
in and out of love
you grabbed my hand
and said you'd never let go
you lied
and i hit rock bottom.

once
i fell in love with a boy
who never understood
how i loved music
and how i always loved
to draw flowers
on the backs of my hands
but i still loved him
even though he didn't love me back
he left me hanging
and i was chained to my pain
and there was no running.

the type of girl who would stare at him from across the room just wishing he would say something
the type of boy who never smiled around anyone but her
the type of girl who would fall asleep whispering her secrets to nobody
the type of boy who kept poetry books under his bed
the type of girl who would fall asleep whispering her secrets to nobody
the type of boy who would give up everything for love
the type of girl who would sit for hours writing poetry while sipping coffee on a cold sunday morning
the type of girl who would write endless poems about him
the type of boy who would make all her pain go away and all the sadness in the world to disappear

your eyes are like stars
so perfect, so mesmerising
yet so difficult to figure out

you are so perfect
in the way that  you are too shy to smile
because you never liked your teeth
you are so perfect
in the way that you always wear sweaters
even though it's warm out
and talk to yourself
but never to others
because you're scared that they won't like your voice

that i love you
i love how your hair flies in the wind
and how your eyes shine in the rain
and how i love you
when you cry
and i will love you
when i die

the faint light of the moon
illuminates your dark eyes
bringing your secrets to the surface
i dig deep
wondering what i may be able to find
you are so beautiful
i can only fathom
how intricate
the depths of your mind

i never stop thinking
even when i sleep
all i think of
is you

i'd throw rocks at your window in the middle of the night just to see your sleepy face

take me to the moon
show me the stars
show me your colours
i'll show you my scars
fix my heart
i'll make yours skip beats
fall asleep in my arms,
wake up,
repeat