I never understood
How love could be a sin
How I could be disgraced
Just by holding your hand

But a man with a woman
Can beat and cut and curse
And still the church will bless
A union with this or worse

No, I don't understand
How our love could be a sin

Waking up the next morning
The cross burns on my chest
Reaching, stabbing to my heart.

A one night stand
A single hazy passion
Now only a life without you

And I know when you find out
Your heart will break
And I'll break too

Maybe though,
You won't find out
Maybe...

But the skeleton hangs
Stark white in my closet
Waiting for the world to see

The cross burns deeper
As my cheeks burn, embarrassed
That I thought to lie to you

Then I see you
The chain tightens
Choking me

I can't stop myself
I tell you everything
Thinking maybe you'll forgive me

But no..
You just walk away

Where's Waldo?
I'm Waldo.
Hidden in the crowd
Silenced by the sound
I look like all the others
I speak like all the others
But even when I scream so loud
I can't be found

Where's Waldo?
I'm Waldo.
Do you see me now?
Do you hear me somehow?
I look like all the others
I speak like all the others
But even when I stand proud
I can't be found

Where's Waldo?
I'm Waldo.
Can you see my tears?
Can you hear my fears?
I look like all the others
I speak like all the others
But even when they look around
I can't be found

Where's Waldo?
I'm Waldo.
Hidden by the night.
Silenced by my fright.
I look like all the others
I speak like all the others
But even in the light
I won't be found

Stand brave my soldier boy
For your home and country
Stand strong my soldier boy
For my weak heart

Sing loud my soldier boy
So I may hear you in the night
Listen hard my soldier boy
I sang a song for you

Shoot straight my soldier boy
Protect me from harm
But shoot not, my soldier boy
When it need not be done

Let your heart beat my soldier boy
To the beat of a thousand hearts
Let your heart beat, my soldier boy
For your loved ones at home

I miss you my soldier boy
For too long you have been gone
I miss you my soldier boy
For home does not feel like home

Come home my soldier boy
When the fighting is done
Come home my soldier boy
To hear our wedding bells' song

Beautiful darkness encloses once more
The smallest sound echoes, my tears falling to the floor
The shadows hide me from my fear of the light
And my tears show silver in the absense of my fright

The day wears on as the sun moves across the skies
Soon the night will come to silence all the lies
I only wish the day was shorter than my loving night
I seem to only live when the moon gives me life

I'm lost in my thoughts so I son't see the shadows fade
The sun sun has crept his way to the safety that I made
I look up in fright as the light shines in my eyes
But I don't melt or burn, nor do I feel myself die

Odd I think, that it doesn't steal my soul
In fact I think its warmth has made my spirit whole
I leave the whispers that sung only shadowed words
Because when I step into the light I feel music I've never heard

Running through the woods so deep
Hitting the ground with my cold hard feet
Feeling the air rush through my lungs
Slowing only to find the sun

The day is following my endless plight
The sun my only return to life
Creeping upon me on silent wings
The night approaches, the insects sing

I stop in a clearing of green mossy trees
The moon in the distance the only light I see
Unmarred by the city, a beautiful sight
Darkness around me welcomes no fright

Sleep a relief from the hard pressing day
Heartbeat pulsing, nothing to say
As the sun rises in the bright morning sky
I start my running on feet that seem to fly

Women sit on the laps of drunken men
Each man has claimed his *****
Only one man sits alone
Nursing a bottle of Jack

His eyes downcast and shadowed
Are filled with fire and doubt
A fire that burns sharp and bitter
Much like the liquor in his mouth

Woodsmoke covers the sweet smells
Of *** and Black and Milds
As all fly higher, they care less and less
The energy becomes primal and wild

Slowly they separate in groups of two
Each pair to find a tent of their own
The clearing empties, the fire dies down
And only one man is left alone

One last time
May I say that I love you
One last time
Will you hurt because of me

One last time
May I call you my own
One last time
Will I say "come home"

Although I cry, I am not sad
Tis merely rain falling
From a twisted tormented tempest

Although I laugh, I am not happy
Tis merely the sound
Of fate's endless humor

Although I try, I fail to succeed
Life is a chaos of questions
With the answers unseen

Although I live, my heart doesn't beat
Tis merel the sound
Of the bird's rat-ti-tat-tat

Although I sing, my voice makes not a whisper
Tis merely the wind
Singing to nature

Although I speak, I do not say
But my tears are uttering
The words dark as night

Sapphire horizon along the dark green trees
Diamonds in the sky above the world, above me
The music of night, the rustle of leaves
A chill in the air a bite in the breeze

Tendrils of a cold shadow creep across the sky
Warning the innocent creatures, its time to hide
A wisp of wind whispers, silence has fallen
The warmth that was there has been stolen

Darkness gathers till there’s no light in the sky
The brilliant stars of before seem to be a lie
The clouds lie ominous, too close to the ground
The cold rays of the moon aren't to be found

A storm on the wind coming fast to the hills
Bringing lightning and rain with a power that kills
Echoing off the mountain to the valley below
The rumble of thunder signals the coming blow

A tremor of the tempest spreads through the night
The wind whirls stronger daring me to fight
I wait in silence for the first strike to land
Rage of the light turns the mountains into sand

My feeble cries are lost in a surge of sound
The wind is screaming, the thunder too loud
The rain is pouring down like my ****** red tears
Heart wrenching tears I've been crying for years

The wind is wailing songs of forgotten souls
From the tallest steeple the death bell tolls
In this nightmare no waking, I fear I can't escape
The light in the distance may come too late

The thunder is pounding against my breaking core
Fighting to stand but I can stand no more
Excruciating cries formed from never ending lies
Join the pandemonium in the tormented skies

Power all around me, force me to my knees
Burn me, **** me, cut me, when no one seems to see
My salty tears sear the wounds I bear
Mind and body shattered there's no rainbow here

No sun is shining on my beaten brow
No love is given to my broken heart now
I'm barely breathing, my heart is slow
I'm falling to blackness,
                         I don't have to though.

I can stand like before, not fall to my knees
I can love the storm that tried to break me
I can believe in the hope that sheds the light
And I can brave the storm winds of life

I wish I could let you hear my memories.
Of the sound of a baby who laughs at a smile.
Of the sound of a tear as it falls.
The sound of a gentle hand wiping it away.
Of the sound of the tread of my shoes
Along a path in the woods
As I follow the sound of a waterfall.
The sound of the waterfall that was just out of reach.
The sound of a cello playing
As if a life's soul was being played.
The sound of a choir singing
With everything they have
Because they need to be heard.
I wish you could hear it.
I wish you could hear what I hear.
You would love it too.
I wish you could hear the music
In the whistle of the winds.  
I wish I could let you hear the way I do.
The crash of the waves against the shore.
The seagulls crying.
The whispers of life in the air.
I wish you could hear life like I do.
Everything in life is a symphony.
Life is the most complex yet simple,
Chaotic yet harmonic,
Discordant yet perfect
Song of the heart, mind, and soul.

I live behind a white picket fence
In the world of a wealthy child
I have everything I could want
Except the chance, or choice, to be wild
I live in a perfect brick house
With cobblestone drive and manicured lawn
I live in the perfect world
But I dream of what is beyond
My perfect white picket fence

When we met I knew
You're so much more than a one night stand
I knew I'd want to hold your hand

I wish I had the guts to say something
Cause I know you don't see
How perfect you are to me.  

With you, I want to lie under the sky
Wrapped in your arms
I want to make wishes on shooting stars.

But I'm scared I don't know the real you.
And I'm scared you'd run from the real me.
What happens when you realize I'm crazy.

What happens if you find out
I think about you every day?
What happens if you walk away?

I want to say all this to you...
But I know I'm going to erase this
And pretend I never wrote it.

I'll tell myself to keep it in,
To guard my heart
Because it will never start.

But what would happen if
I sent this to you now?...

I wish I had the guts to find out.

Tell me you love me
Take me by the hand
Whisper sweet nothings
Tell me stories of far off lands

Write me a story
It can exciting or put me to sleep
It can be awful or a beautiful creation
But write it just for me

Tell me good morning
With a smile or "my angel"
Start my day with a little laughter
Tell me I'm beautiful

Draw me a picture
Of anything or everything
In stick figures or perfectionism
But draw it just for me

Protect me from harm
From people and broken hearts
Fight for my love everyday
Like you fought from the start

Tell me you love me
Till I know it must be true
Make me feel special
And I'll fight for you too

Who am I
But a nightmare
Who tries to be an angel, I am
A shadow that only
Lives alone

Who am I
But a whisper
That makes no sound, I am
An echo with no words
Of its own

Who am I
But a thorn
That wishes it were a rose, I am
A thistle in a field
Of dandelions

Who am I
But a sharp note
That could be beautiful, I am
A note a note that makes
A minor chord

Who Am I?

                 *I am Me

The days go slow and fast
At the same time
College looms at the end
Of the tunnel
Though I'm still not sure if
I'm terrified or excited for the change

I have a girl
I wish I could fall in love with
But I can't forget the fact
That I'm leaving.

I want the summer
To disappear
so I can get to the parties
The adventure
The college girls
The college boys.

I want to leave behind
My bad reputation
My bad relationships
My bad memories...

I want to learn
I want to grow
I want to be wild and crazy
I want to break through
All of my walls I've built

But the days drag by
The more I think about it
And my heart breaks
The more I think of leaving my sister
And I can't decide if I'm terrified
Or excited for the next day to come

My heart mutters softly
The secrets of time
Madness and mystery
No reason or rhyme

The dawn greets me brightly
With fire in the skies
The glint of sword in hand
Reflects the world in my eyes

Fear and death lie ominous
In a vast nefarious abyss
Seeking the sinister sovereignty
Of love's fatal kiss

Crystal notes calmly cascade
Through the tragic tempest of greif
Sung by the spirit of the eagle's cry
Whispering the harmonies of belief

When I'm with him
Everything else goes away.
The loneliness,
The insecurity,
The never ending feeling of
Loss.

Everything goes away
The drama,
The world,
The never ending feeling of
Worthlessness

Everything goes away
The crowds,
The noise,
The never ending feeling of
Confusion.

When he's holding me
I feel safe
I feel warm
I feel like life
Is finally beautiful

He makes my dreams
Into reality
He makes my life
Full of wonder
He makes me
*Whole

Are you  crying little angel?
While the day turns to night.
Are you sighing little angel?
As the stars begin to light

Is your heart broken little angel?
Because love left you behind
Is your heart looking little angel?
For the love you want to find

Are you bleeding little angel?
From the cut that cut too deep
Are you weeping little angel?
When you fall to eternal sleep

Is he waiting little angel?
When you get to the golden gates
Is he smiling little angel?
When you look upon his face

Are you happy little angel?
When you get your silver wings
You are free little angel
When your soul finally sings

Is it beatiful little angel?
In that paradise above
You have found it little angel
That everlasting love

Just for a minute
Could you let me see
See all the things
I wish I could see

Just for a minute
Could you let me think
That you think about me
And all I wish we could be

I just wanna know
If you ever wish
That you could hold me close
Or give me a kiss

I just wanna know
If you look at me
And see all the things
I wish we could be

Some days I wish I was invisible
Nobody could hear me
Nobody would see me
It would be as it was
It was so much simpler then.

I didn't have to laugh
Every time someone made a joke
I could be in the shadows
And be alone

Its great to be heard
When I have something to say
But I don't want to talk
Just to fill a space

Its great to be seen
When I think I'm invincible
But I don't want to pretend
I just want to be invisible

Precariously perched pidgons
Coo with cautious curiousity
Wondering why we wander
On faltering feet rather than fly

Just  little ditty
A quiet play on words
Just little rhythms and rhymes
That are fun to be heard

A summer breeze a cricket sings
The tree's leaves rustle softly
A gentle hint of a birds coo
A melody so beautiful to me

To walk through the tall grass
Sun shining warm on my back
Bare feet making no sound
Freedom only breathes in these moments

The smell of rough earth
Mingles with the perfume of the rose
And gentle hints of crushed grass
The essense of my home

I get lost in my love
I hear a quiet melody
That turns to my own symphony
My feet move on their own
I spin, I fall, I laugh
Spirit soaring
Into the clouds

I'm not afraid of growing old.
No, I fear not remembering and dying alone
I'm not afraid of the dark.  
No, I fear the empty silence and the unknown.

I'm not afraid of the end of life.
No, I fear I will leave nothing behind
I'm not afraid of death.  
No, I only fear dying with too much life left.

As I am writing this
I wish these words weren't true
But I must say
I can not love you

You have broken my heart
And thrown it in the dirt
Thank you for showing me
How much love can hurt

I gave you my heart,
My love, my trust
But as soon as I was out of sight
Your love has turned to dust

The promises of waiting
And always loving me
Have seemed to disappear
To leave me in agony

I told you I would love you
Until the day I die
I have kept my promise
Even when you lied

No longer do I keep silent
You have caused me too much pain
I feel you have betrayed me
When I was only beginning to love again

I'm not sorry for loving you
Though I feel I shouldn't have
It seems my perfect angel
Is still waiting for me above

No more tears will fall from my heart
For the mistake of loving you
This much so far I say my dear
That from this day is true

I can't forget about you
But remembering is killing me
Goodbye my use to be angel
You don't have to worry about me

What happened to that
Good ole fashion love story
We wrote so long ago
In tears and fears
And long blue jeans
And "babe, I love you so"

So what if you love me
I returned to you
For much to long ago
I brought a bucket for tears
A bunny for fears
And "babe, I love you too"

Lets go back
And write our story again
Ole fashion and beautiful
With smiles and laughs
And long blue jeans
And "babe, won't you marry me."

The wind whispers
To the soft supple trees
Speaking of the beauty
When the robin sings

The wind whispers
To the smooth rippling stream
Speaking of the mystery
When nature sweetly sings

Nature whispers
And it turns to radiant song
In this, a lost soul
Finds where it belongs

A silent shadow
Across a midnight sky
Beauty and danger
Within him, he flies
Moonlight hints
At peace and wonder
Through a snowy scene
This hunter wanders
Freezing winds
Lift high his cry
Piercing fear
Where comfort would lie

Smells intoxicating
When you open the skin
To the juicy citrus center
And what lies within
A zest on your fingers
And under your nails
Leaving you with a memory
Of the orange peels

Like a life that is searching for that echo of lost love,
Your single soul is searching for truth in a hell of lies.
Too long have you waited, simply keeping silent,
Waiting to leave the dark that sings only shadowed songs.
Unlike dreamers that only dream of the dark called death,
Your single heart is dreaming of finding a breath of beauty.

A photograph of a memory, your only memory of beauty,
Reminds you always of the joy and pain of love.
Reminds you always how a breaking heart feels like death.
Reminds you always of how many times you believed his lies.
That photograph of your memory, reminiscent of all those country songs,
Is the reason your heart is still and your voice, silent.

But something inside is yelling, telling you not to stay silent.
It knows your pleas to find a way to believe in beauty.
Listen, it says, life sings the most discordant yet harmonic songs.
Listen to the symphonies in nature and fall in love.
Fall in love with waterfalls and the winds, not the one who lies.
Listen for the laughs of lives that have defied death.

For too many days you have seen only the black of death,
For too many months your world has been silent,
For too many years all you had been told were lies.
But it only takes a blink of the eye to see the light of beauty.
It only takes a moment to fall into the rhapsody of love
You only have to take a chance to be the melody of love's radiant songs.

Then again.. who are you but the sharp note that belongs only in forgotten songs?
Who are you but the smallest breath just waiting for death?
Who are you but the thorn on a rose given in love?
Who are you but the echo of a whisper, almost silent?
Who are you but the nightmare that breaks a dream's beauty?
And who are you to believe you are these lies?

You are a single soul searching to find truth in this hell of lies,
A soul fighting to leave darkness that sings shadowed songs.
You are a single heart dreaming of that light called beauty,
A heart refusing to dream of that dark called death.
You are a beautiful voice that won't be kept silent,
A voice singing with a soul that knows there is love.

You know there is more love than lies.
You can hear those once silent songs.
You know you can fight against the death of Beauty.

The first sight was breath taking
The second, a sigh
The wind whipped through the air
As I watched an eagle fly

The first breath was halting
The second beautiful
The sun was beating down
Strong as the hand that made me whole

The first dance was intriguing
The second caught my heart
The music  sped through me
With my heart's rhythm beating its part

The first sight was breathtaking
The last a sigh
A thanks in her direction
A kiss goodbye

Ace of diamonds
Ace of spades
Ace of hearts
But their value fades

Lowest or highest
Which will you choose
To rule the world
Or to always lose

I hope the day reality hits me
Takes its time in coming
With the blow

I want to spend my days dreaming,
Wishing on shooting stars,
And believing the world is somehow
Beautiful

I hope the day I take off my crown
Takes it's time before I have to realize I'm not
A princess

I want to spend my days fighting pirates
And thinking happy thoughts
So I can fly to that place
Where my dreams really do come true

I hope the day I have to grow up
Is still only the day I have to come home
From Neverland

I want to dance in the sun
And play in the pool and pretend I'm a mermaid
I want to believe
I'm something more than just
Me

I hope the day reality hits me
Is a long time coming
Because the beautiful world I live in
Is all just make believe

What did you feel when you felt me up
The instant hesitation then growing infatuation
What did you feel when you touched my chest
The heart beat pulsing, all my nerves beginning to sing
What did you feel when you felt my skin
The soft warm canvas already painted with sins

That night you were chocolate melting against me
You were rough hands turned gentle
Caressing my everything
You were dancer, singer, poet, dreamer
You were deep brown eyes that pulled me in
Strong brown hands that drew new lines of sin
In poetry on my skin
You were the midnight sky,
I, the moon light and stars.

I made wishes on every star brighter than my scars
I wished to see you again
But again never came
It didn't matter anyway
You would have left me just the same
Sitting alone in the silence
Remembering the feel of your skin
Seeing the dark eyes that pulled me in
Tracing the lines of poetry
You drew on my canvas skin
Already painted with too many sins

Silvery flakes fall
Glittering in the pale light
Of the full moon

The raven flies
On silent wings
A silent shadow
In the quiet night

Only a quiet whisper
A single dreamer's voice
A single hopeful song
Echoes through the shadows

A silvery wish
Glittering in the pale light
Of the full moon

Glancing in the mirror
At her broken reflection
She says to herself
One size smaller...
Just one size smaller

But you can see the ribs through her shirt
But not how much she hurts
There aren't scars on her arms
Just scars on her heart
From endless days wondering
When will life start

She says to herself
Just dress in black
And I'll pretend to be a shadow
Or fly to the sky
And become the storm cloud
That unleashes rains like my tears
And my voice will thunder too loud

Still she is silent somehow
She whispers to the mirror
Just a bit more makeup
And I'll fit in with the crowd

But you only see dark rings
Around blood shot eyes
Only blood red lips
That once knew how to sing
There aren't scars on her arms
Just scars on her heart
From endless days wandering
Crowded streets alone
Endless days with no home

She says to herself
Just dress in yellow
And I'll pretend I'm happy
Or fly to the sky
And become the sun
Bright and full of life

Just one size smaller
Stand a bit taller
But no, she's gone too far
All thats left is a scar
On her wrist bright as stars
Except stars are seen
When they first come into being
And this child will never know
Anything but being
Alone

"I'm tired of being in a relationship
Where I'm always the second choice"

Tears are in her eyes
As she tries feebly not to cry
She's fragile and weak
To sad to find more words to speak

She would never be my second choice
She hasn't been since I first heard her voice

She snuggles into my arms
Shaking from sobs
Tearing me apart
Cutting to my heart

She would be my only one
Till the day we part or till life is done

She lifts her head
Her cheeks still wet
I gently wipe tears away
Afraid she will break

She was never my second choice
I'd tell her.. but I can't find my voice

If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain.
For the heart asks pleasure first
And then excuse from pain.

I like a look of agony because I know its true.
It says I am nobody, who are you?
Its says I am a poor torn heart,
A tattered heart.

Poor little heart! Did they forget thee?
Proud little heart! Did they forsake thee?
Frail little heart! I will not break thee.

Not with a club the heart is broken,
Nor with a stone-
Its love that deals one imperial thunderbolt
That scalps your naked soul

Lonely isle in a deep blue sea
Like the lonely child
Deep inside of me

Searing stars in the midnight sky
Like the searing scars, white,
Where the blood has dried

Lingering presense in the darkened night
Like the linging essence
Of the forboding fright

Sinister whispers burn in the cold crisp air
Like the sinister embers
In my empty stare

Haunting screams in the abysmal deep
Like the haunting dreams
That terrorize my sleep

I stood watching the rain
From beneath the shallow shelter
Of a ledge outside my doorway

They said it was nearly freezing
But the cold didn't touch me,
And the rain barely brushed me

I stood watching the world
From beneath the shallow shelter
Of my wealthy life

They said children were dying
But the worry didn't touch me
And their pain barely brushed me

I stood watching the icy rain
But the only thing truly frozen
Is the place where my heart
Lies sheltered beneath a shallow life
Of cold money and lies

Dragging my body outta bed
Remembering the night before
Getting back at 3 am
Never wanting to stop
Kissing good bye
Remembering every sore muscle
Being rubbed out
With hands that were strong
And impossibly gentle
Remembering a new soreness
In places that are secret
Remembering that
There are no secrets left

Getting outta bed
With 6 hours of sleep
Smiling like a fool
Walking to class
Because I was remembering
A night with you.

Body twist, watch me close
Heartbeat thump,  don't let me go
Pressed together, move with me
Sway in rhythm, not an inch between

Hard benethe, but gentle fingers
Trace my body, the feeling lingers
Grinding harder, make me wet
Pick me up, no hesitation left

Face only a breath away
A kiss is all I have left to say
Body heaving, do what you must
Blood coursing, on fire with lust

Time stopped, she saw his touch
Heart broken, she left in a rush
Her tears falling, stealling the passion
Please don't touch me temptation

A setting sun shines in his face
Lighting in his eyes
That are bluer than the bluest skies

From the moment his eyes meet mine
There's a flutter in my heart
I can barely breathe

I curl into his chest
His arms wrapped around me
My world is safe with him
I look into his face
Kiss his nose, teasing

His hands
Strong and large
Gently brush my hair
Barely touching as if I were a flower

Leaning into his chest
I feel his heart beat against mine
Strong next to my flutter

He lifts my face to look at him
His calloused hand soft on my cheek
His clear eyes hold my ever changing eyes
I lean in, hesitant

But when our lips meet it's so perfect
Impossibly gentle for the passion
My body goes weak, he holds me closer
A soft chuckle tells me he knows why
Only a few more kisses before he has to leave

"I love you my angel"
His voice barely even a whisper
"Always and forever?" is all I can reply
"You will be my angel, my love, my hope, until the day I die."

He laughs with his friends
Just joking around
I can't take my eyes off him
Occationally our eyes meet
But I quickly lower my eyes
Afraid he will see my longing
I wonder if he really sees me
I wonder if he would care.
At night I imagine
What it would be like to hold him
What do his lips feel like
But of course just like since 8th grade
My dreams are just dreams
Across the room is farther
Than across the world
And thats the closest I will be to him