I'm shaking. So tired of these twisted definitions of love.

ottis ottis
with his nose up his ****,
just a low life bumb, an all american chump.
ottis ottis
he aint nothin but a punk.
he acts like a human and he smells like funk.

Maybe my heart will stop and play its final tune
It is tangled in golden fleece, trapped forevermore
It is owned by a king, and guarded by the trees
This golden fleece will never release me
And outside of this grove there is a dragon
Horrible and beautiful in its way
It's the second force guarding my heart by the bay
Of course still by the sea, but too far stuck behind these wooden bars
Stuck behind this violent thing, the king
The king brings me this pain, and I strain
And Strain until there is nothing more
Nothing more the this golden fleece
And death more then you could believe

Last night was the first night I felt something in a very long time.
Rusty razor blade in hands I navigated my thoughts - a nightly ritual needed for survival.
Cutting away every problem
A surgeon dissecting myself, removing the worries that have been malignant for so long -
I was dying with them
My hands no longer trembled
One incision after the next, blood doesn't come at first.
Flustered I state until crimson red beads surface slowly and pool over against pale skin.
My thoughts get quieter
I took a deep breath - I could feel the oxygen filling my lungs.
It didn't burn like it had moments before.
It felt like I was surfacing after days underwater
Just one more -
5,6,7
I was losing feeling in my hands
10, 15
In my feet
30
I start to feel dizzy
Red pours out of me
So beautiful
My heart rate so slow
My mind so quiet
So this is what heaven feels like?

You cannot simply act,
you must think.
You can try to pretend
that time will wait for you,
Or that your actions don't matter,
But it will do you no good.
Every action has a consequence.
You must face the reality of your choices
You cannot just sleep through life,
You cannot just dance across the surface
amd hope to slide by without notice.
One day, it will have to stop.