it's forever and i'm in love

i call you at 2 in the morning
i am crying
"it won't happen again"

it's forever and i'm in love

you text me at 11:57 pm
"we need to talk"
my heart stops
and my throat tightens

it's forever and i'm in love*

my mind wanders to
the pills left in my top drawer
my heart is heavy
and my lungs want to sleep
you come across my mind
and i stay

it's forever and i'm in love

i call you at 2 in the morning
i am crying
"i'm sorry."

*it's not forever and i'm in love

"As the temperature drops down, the molecules get closer till they form a solid shape."

And that's how our chemistry teacher defined 'love' on a snowy day.

the feelings i have for you
are never ending.

i attempt time
after time
to put a definite stop to them,
but time after time,
they find a way out,
and my body is electrified,
yet again.

i could compare it
to being struck with
a million bolts
of lightning,
or being pricked
by a thousand
rose thorns,
but truthfully,
nothing compares
to you.

nothing compares
to the way you make me feel,
and nothing compares
to the sadness i feel
on the lonely nights
when im thinking of you,
and it's not requited.

Someone sent me a candy gram the other day.
I marveled at the anonymous note
And cherished it for the rest of the day.
I put it in my bookbag,
Getting ready to bring it home
Just to cherish it even more.

When I got home,
I found it broken and at the bottom of my bag
The way whoever sent this to me will probably do to me...

I tasted a tiny peice, spat it out.
It was too sweet,
The way your love might be
After you broke me.
You'd try to put me back together,
The way I am trying to put this candy gram together,
But it wont ever work.
Whats been broken is broken,
And cant be fixed.
Its just a matter of accepting the brokeness and living with it.

I am pathetic.
I waste my time waiting for a text from you,
Hoping it wasn't all a dream.
But I guess it was.

I couldn't eat.
I ate less than a tenth of what I usually eat.
Why?
They say love fills stomachs.
I am living proof of this.

It's time to paint.
You pick up your paintbrush
Painting a deep
Crimson
Red.
The paint mixes with your tears.
Your pain,
Your grief
Until you go
Numb.

You paint in secret.
No one understands.
No one sees.
No one bothers to.

But...
I see.
I can see
Your tainted canvas
Your paint,
Your tears.
I can see
And feel
Your pain
And I'm truly
   Truly
       Sorry.
I hug you,
And kiss the canvas.
And toss the paintbrush
Away.
You don't need this.
You don't want this.
But you want an escape.
An escape from it all.

So you paint.
Or...you used to.

Music speaks when words can't.
Isn't that ironic?

You won't hear me complaining
That it's raining.

You won't hear me sigh
Because of something canceled
Due to the weather.

Rain is
Rejuvenating,
Relaxing,
and Enlightening.
At least for me.

Rain allows me to
Relax
with a nice cup of tea.
Or,
rain allows me,
to think
about all the things
normally looked over
every day.

Rain also allows me to appreciate
more of what's around me,
it's lulling, pulsing rhythm
beating against the drum
called Earth.