Hair pony-tailed, tight up against my head
Almost as snug as us, supine in my bed
I am long past drifted
Dreams in and out sifted
Covers covered, pretenses shed

A chill brushed over me, sleepily
Eyes flutter open and admiringly
I gaze at you curled up next to me
Heart filled so full, busting at its seam
You are peacefully breathing, this is no dream

Blankets shuffled to your side
Undesiring to wake you, I quietly confide
"Baby, I'm a little bit cold"
Your eyes pop right open and you promptly fold
Me up in the blankets, you hold me so tight
I wish this is how I could spend every night

Criss-crossed scribbled heart
Dwelling on the dark parts
The ones I tried to hide hard
But once you turned into my sight
I was left unable to write right
A love, brand new bright light

If you tell gold it's worthless,
It might believe you.
But does saying that
Make it true?

Is worth defined
By what's verbalized?
If you criticize
Does worth minimize?

Words are words,
Not always true.
But gold is gold!
And you are you.
Don't weigh your worth
On what you're told.
Despite it's value
Even some dislike gold.

"I don't like it when you're not around"
The tears welled up and his eyes fell to the ground
It's only temporary, but it stings still
Two years yet, the time alone gives me chills
But as time does, it quickly passes
And as I learn and grow in classes
You will live out your uniquely you dreams
We fall into place, as it so seems
In the end, I hope it's your arms I fit into, and you, mine*
And our love, like I always felt, would be suspended in time

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Did I ever disclose
The exact moment I really found myself
Thinking about you seriously
In the way that the guarded part
Of my heart wouldn't allow me to?

I sat in a crowded room in a new hotel
Quick glances at social media before
The conference started, before the hush
When I scrolled past your face on the screen
Well, more specifically, the top of your head
Looking down, focused intently
On fixing a multi thousand dollar projector
Eager to take on new tasks, very handy, ready to help
And forgetting to sensor my own thoughts
I envisioned you fixing a broken hot water heater
In a starter home for us two
Laughing as you mended trivial things that I broke
Due to my knack for unintentionally destroying
Whatever comes in contact with my hands
But I saw you there with me, in the not-so-distant future
I saw us together, happy, very much in love,
And I thought "Wow, I could marry that man,  I want to"

Then I caught myself
My guarded heart kicked my wandering mind
In the seat of its pants as I teared up and reminded myself
Not to get too attached, not to be too trusting
Not to dream of it, for it won't happen anyway
The part of me that has learned that it is better
To be closed and prudent
Rather than to open my heart up
With the possibility of it shattering

But as I've spent more time with you
Seen your exposed heart and held your hand
Shared mine, showed mine, let you hold mine
I've realized that if I don't open up to the chance
Of having you hurt me
I would never get to experience the sweetness
Of truly loving you with my whole heart

*Perhaps you have been fixing the thing
That needed fixed most of all

preview
learn nothing new
far too few too soon
and i'm lost in minutia

Boy's got a lot of soul
Classic and breathtakingly old
Makes you tap your toe
Big band swing
With a jazzy glow

Out of all the people
I could have met
Throughout my life
In space and time
I met you and felt
Something new
That no one could recreate
Not with time or practice
You can't learn passion
And in no particular fashion
You appeared just like magic
And made me remember
The way I felt before
Like I had never been gone
Like I had never had him
Like time had not passed
I didn't know it would last
But it has

It was the moment you sung along
Danced like you were alive
You were your true self
And I felt as if my heart were to burst
It felt so full
Just looking at you
Knowing that things work out for a reason
And being sure that I would
Go through all of this agony again
To experience how I felt tonight
Watching you and being by your side