He tells me that
My body is a map
And he wants to explore
He tells me I am a lost continent
That is more beautiful than
The rest of the world's wonders
But he doesn't see it all
Not the scars littering
My legs and sides
Or the uneven grotesque lines
On my thighs. They plague me.
He doesn't see all of me
And I wouldn't have it
Any other way.

Mint gum,
Sweaty palms,
Holding hands,
Am I doing this wrong?

Easy laughs,
Your green eyes,
Flirting's hard
I feel like i'll die

5 months
And we're still lost
Our first kisses
Your lips are soft

"Hey Rach, You okay?"
"Rach, you don't look so well..."
"Need a hug?"
"We all miss him..."
"Rach, answer me, please."
"Do you need to talk?"
"Rach... please..."
"You may fight your demons, but at least you won."

All of the things I heard today
and yet I still feel numb.
The sadness is numbing
the pain is numbing
but no matter how many
trips to NASA or sweet kisses
she gives me, I do not think that
I'll ever forget how I feel right now.

I have never felt so much anger
and sadness and rage and guilt
all at once.

I want to throw up and cry and
wish I were dead as well.

But, seeing all of these people who
seem like they care, I guess it would
hurt for them too.

Death seems to affect all of us.
Even to those who never knew
them personally, just the thought
of death brings people to tears.

I guess for me it just makes me
numb now. Numb and sad.
I can't cut because I feel like it
would dishonor his death.
When I cry, I still see him
behind my tears.
I cannot even *blink
without seeing him..

My dreams are dreamless and
my emotions are fading.
It seems harder to breathe now
and the light is barely tolerable.
I want to hide and scream and
cry my way out of this hole I've
sunken back into, but I cannot.

I have too many things going for me.
I just have to keep trying.

So much depends upon
The strength of that boy
That gangling brown haired boy
Who may be skin and bone
But somehow manages
To carry around the weight of loving me
Every day
And to have my burdens and baggage
On his back
But I'm scared that someday
His strength will fail him
And he'll be crushed
And I'll have been the undoing
Of the one person
I never wanted to see hurt

So much depends upon
The patience of that boy
That boy who is usually go go go
But for some reason slows down
And waits for me to catch up
And can always tell when something's wrong
And always cares
And listens to me complain
But I'm scared that someday
His patience will have run dry
And he'll take off running on his own
Because I held him back

So much depends upon
The blindness of that boy
Who is the smartest person I know
But was stupid enough
To fall in love with me
And I know it's selfish of me
But I wouldn't mind
If his love was unending
But I'm scared that someday
His blindness will dissolve
And he'll realize he deserves better
And the only person holding me together
Will hate me
As much as I hate myself

There will come a day
When you think of me
And think about what was us
And you'll think,
"I sure dodged a bullet"
The day you think that,
Is the day I put one
Through my brain

It's impossible to know a person
Really, truly know them
Until you have a conversation at 2AM
Right before you fall asleep
The most human you can be,
There's no wrong or right
Just words filling the silence
Let me see your insecurities,
Your dreams,
Tell me things about you
That I wouldn't know
Remind me I'm not the only person
With problems and that
No one's exempt from suffering
I want to hear it all
Your heart and mind
There's no better time
For a lobotomy
No better time
To not be alone
I'm glad we got to philosophize
Because you don't really, truly
Know someone
Until you converse at 2AM
And it was a pleasure to meet
2AM you

Death is everywhere
It surrounds us like a cloak
And engulfs humanity more often
Than the darkness envelopes the moon
You can see it in the trees
Bare branched and broken
You can see it in the news
Another tragedy hitting the screens
You can see it in your own eyes
As you scratch at half healed scars
I don't know why people fear death,
After all, it seems to be the only thing
That makes sense in this world
From the moment we are born
We begin to die
And if that isn't poetic,
How could life ever be?