Sometimes I get pieces of him
Like he’s still here with me
In the car where he left his baseball cap
In the smell that lingers on my sheets
And in the dreams of him that wake me up breathless
Convincing me that it was not a dream at all
But a nightmare.

This isn't some overdramatized teenage sob story.

                                             This is heartbreak.

sometimes it doesn't matter how many times you wear his favorite color
you still can't get him to fall back in love with you

I was in the middle of the ocean with stars and waves surrounding me and the moonlight enfolding me in it’s embrace when it occurred to me that maybe I didn’t need you to be happy
Then I turned around and there you were smiling at me and that’s when I knew there was no other happiness comparable to you

We were sun burned and bruised sitting in the backseat of his mom’s mini van when I thought that maybe I could be in love. I could be in love with this boy who's hand is in mine and head on my shoulder and we are both falling asleep on the car ride home. This boy who caught me off guard, when I’m always the girl that has her guard up.

But then I woke up to the stinging reality that I could never fall in love with a boy without faith; in God, himself, or me.

I uncrossed my legs and leaned forward, my face becoming warmer from the heat of the bonfire. All of our friends were around us, talking and laughing voices lifting up into the sky with the bonfire smoke. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs, eyes still on the fire. I couldn’t look up, because I knew what I would see. You on your phone, either looking for the updates from the game or texting that new girl you’ve tried to keep secret (you can’t lie to a liar, honey). So I didn’t look up. I stared at the flames dancing along the logs, at the smoke lifting up, flirting with the sky. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t look up. I —
looked up. And found your brown eyes there to catch my blue ones, and found I could not catch my breath.

Yesterday last year was the first time you and I kissed, and I felt my whole world pressed softly against my lips.
Yesterday this year, I didn't feel a thing.