is God by your bedside
weeping against the bookcase
and the cabinets in the
kitchen, filled with long
grain rice shudder and
tremble, vibrating against
their hinges --
it's all over the floor, you say.

it's all over the floor.

I am afraid of what the future holds,
There is no "live in the now"
Because that's what you do when your retired,
But as I mature in to an adult,
I find that I am afraid,
I am afraid of every single decision I make,
I am afraid of messing up,
I am afraid that there will be no one to tell me that it's okay,
I'm afraid not for what is happening,
I am afraid of what will happen.

Hovering finger
Unsteady upon its own button.

The shake of daily grind
Brings it closer.

No more steadying sensibilities
The last voice has filled an overcrowded head

And with a final sigh

We hit self destruct

I thought;
….. In moments of hope
There was something special in the root of my psyche.
(There was no inspiration left)
When eyes closed and hearts shut down
And my body became lost to the wrap of choking scarves
For migration into blank canvas months
I ceased to exist.

I was the death of character
Homeless
A beautiful flower deserted in a dead field
When.
I became.
Alone.
For was my desolation the finding of my solace?
Or merely the comfort of my own depression
Self-centred.
Abandoning.
No more need for niceties.

Chained to a vinyl that spun with a process of blurred vision
Beaten skin
Bruised ego
Was the last verse of the last song written solely for me
If I play it backwards
Would I hear my name
Repeated
Slowly.
Calmly.

I thought there was something special in my psyche
The ability to help
The strength for others.

Yet as my head hangs low
I see only my silent soul

I stood in the night
Single cigarette sizzling towards the tremble of my fingers

I miss you.

Stars dance in the haze of teared eyes
As the moth flirts in the amber hum of a distant street light.

I focus on its centralised nebula
Its burst of heated shades, its distant sun beams.

Looking down upon the single star in my hand.

This is where I would pass to you, for the final breath.
Yet you are only in the stars.  
Within a sky we have prayed towards so many times.

I love you.
For even without you,
You are forever within me.

one day you will regret watching her walk away
you will remember her as the girl who loved you into oblivion
who withered herself away in the hopes that it would make you stay

one day the memory of her hips will begin to gnaw at your heart
the bitter cold bedsheets will eat at your bones

you will think of her when you wake in the middle of the night
because her memory has become your nightmare