Some days I get up just to get by
I get up, get through another day with nothing in my heart
I look at the streets, the leftovers from last night's wasted decisions
What I would do to have another night feeling everything at once
The drunk and sober thoughts clashing
All the bad decisions after every tequila shot
Lately I have to pinch myself to feel something
To feel like I still exist, I hate that
I know in my heart I need to get my **** together
But honestly, how does anyone get to do that
I am actually losing grip on my self
It's like drowning in all these thoughts
But never wanting to gasp, never wanting to catch my breath
Maybe it's because I'm self-destructive, or self-loathing
Whatever it is, please tell me, I'll take it
I would take anything
Just tell me what this is

Feeling nothing is like getting slapped
in all your parts you never knew existed
Like drinking medicine for a friend's fever
Like taking a bullet for a stranger in another country
Like drinking cold coffee on a freezing day
Like being exposed to the sun and still wanting the scars
Like watching someone fall for you, and you, fall for yourself
Like actually liking being forgotten and left behind
Feeling nothing is like clashing, crashing, burning
and never wanting to be fixed by hands that shake
*It just does not make sense

You wonder when you will stop bleeding.**
On the night of the accident, there was so much blood loss that they didn't think you'd make it.
You still wonder how you made it.
You haven't bled like that since and the wounds have scarred over but
whenever you drive past where it happened,
whenever you see an icy patch, or a blue Honda,
the scar tears a bit.
You've tried to avoid those things, but you can't forever.
And so you wonder when the scar will fully heal.
You wonder when you will stop bleeding.