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Nov 6 · 619
Unlovable
Elle McAulay Nov 6
I'm scared, okay?
I'm scared I'll never be loved,
I'm scared I'll never be held,
I'm scared I'll never be wanted.

I don't know how to change this.
I'm not one of feelings,
I can't express them.

I'm scared my thoughts will push you away
I'm scared my bones won't hold me straight
I'm scared I'll never find a way to
be loved.

"Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
is something like Chandler would say
But what if I can't even make my own
defense mechanism protect me?
What if you don't like my jokes;
the only thing that might be good in me?
But that's not even the problem, is it?
I can't even find strengths to tell'em out loud
I can't even let you decide if you'll laugh or leave
I can't even

I'm scared, okay?
I'm scared that no one will ever know me,
will never want to know me
I'm scared I'll never find the words to fool you,
to make you think I might be interesting
I'm scared no one will ever think I'm worthed
of spending their whole life with
Why would they?
I'm just a quiet dull girl

I'm scared, okay?
Because
I love myself, okay?
I do.
I'm scared I won't ever find anyone else
that will love me as much as I do
I'm scared that's all that's left for me
Keep being one thing only:
unlovable
as I've always been
If you've ever felt worthy of love, if you're a hopeless romantic, if you love love, but never having been loved makes you question it, this poem is for you. And you ARE worthy of love, happiness and anything you dream of, and will find it someday. Don't lose hope, and remember you're not alone! I hope this makes you feel seen and heard, because I know I struggle with it, and you might too.
Love,
El

— The End —