I
O, heartbreak, a human’s plague,
Nine times I tried to best thee
And in my search, found answers vague,
And boys who dared to test me.

Lost, thou left me with an ache,
Confusion spit to God on high.
“How much do You think I can take?”
Said He, “I’m saving you the perfect guy.”

II
O heartbreak, yet, I sought thy pain,
To leave me wary, make me grow.
One day my search shan’t be in vain.
Dear Father, help me know.

I prayed for someone strong and real,
A man with wisdom, faith, and grace.
But heartbreak always bit my heel,
‘Til this October’s change of pace...

III
Hey heartbreak! Now I’ve beaten you.
This boy has changed my life.
Hey heartbreak, babe, I think we’re through.
No need for all your strife.

He slid into my life one day,
This boy God saved for me.
And ever since, love’s been the easy way.
Let’s stay for all eternity.

I take a breath and close my eyes with pride.
His comments seek a lodging in my soul;
The hurt I feel from all he spits, I hide.
He’ll never know he’s found my numb heart’s holes.

“Forever” was his biggest lie to me,
One word, a feeble promise left unkept.
My heart should learn the way his drums beat free.
I’m captive to the trebled tears I’ve wept.

Do you recall when Whitman said “Beat! Beat! Drums!”?
Too bad the drums could always beat, beat us.
At least I got kisses ‘tween rounds of ***.
But still, to him, I’d grown superfluous.

I simply craved some adult discussion.
I guess  he preferred to play his percussion.

“****, I’d like five minutes in
your head,” he says but
he wouldnt like the
anxiety and the
paranoia
that inexplicably fill this
wandering mind from meme to meme
and from - was that due tonight? - obligation to obligation as i struggle to
stay awake
in a class i dont want
after another night worrying about things that
wont
even
matter
in two years when i have my own classroom
and can finally say
“I did it” to people who dont listen -shane company, now you have a friend in the diamond business- and i’ll be happy with someone who
doesnt
think sharing your feelings is weak
and doesnt
belittle MY **** ideas
and ****** maybe
i’ll look in a mirror and
see someone i finally think is
beautiful
just like he sees.