they needed you more
so I ignored myself

7:08 halloween night
"its time to go"
"ok"
the car
the moon
then,
nothing
(that i can remember)
3rd floor bedroom
the moon
through the window
suddenly
its too loud
curtains close
the sharpener
cuts
then

i don't remember

you're being irrational
you aren't being bullied
your parents are loving and caring... for the most part
you have lots of friends
you're "normal"
you're pretty
and you're privileged
and you have a lot
your friends have it way worse
you're overreacting

out of anger,
out of rage
split the skin
in my thigh
the cut will represent the pain
that i can't bear to keep inside.

i'm breathing fast
i'm seeing the past
things i don't want to remember
hit me like a blast

anxiety rising
breath denying
i'm hearing their words
i feel like i'm dying

their words hit me like a stab
i crunch like a crab
that they stepped on
i feel a jab

words bleed out of my chest
as i remember what i don't want to
i'm not ready
wait... just let me

try
to
forget

we're all just hanging on
Ahalya could go any day
Rowan's already tried
so have i
but every thread
is different
and sometimes our threads get
tangled
if Alice goes,
what happens to Kayleena?
if Lex goes,
what happens to Grey?
if they go
can my thread break too?

why?
if i fall
then Rowan falls
then Ahalya falls
then Hunter falls
then Alice falls
then Grey falls
then Lex falls
then Kat falls
then Sam falls
then Ebby falls
but what if they fall first?