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 Jul 2015 Edgar E Tobias
Havran
Do know
that
loving
You
is the first time
in the longest time
that I have tried to be brave.
Well you could sit there in the dark,
curl up with nothing but a knife
cutting through your back with a mark.
Waiting for the wound to end your life.

So you wait for a stormy day
to wash off all your pain.
In these graves are where you lay.
You've got caught up in all these chains.

So here is where you've been waiting
for the world to just stop spinning.
Here is where you've been hating.
Death around the corner, grinning.

Can you hear the silence?
Can you see their sneers?
Here is where you lost your balance,
here is where you found your fears.
 Jul 2015 Edgar E Tobias
Wretched
"She's gone."

I remember the time when you said that
the day she left you.
That was the first time that I saw you cry
that hard,
that loud,
Your voice resounded the four corners
of the bathroom cubicle
that it's as if it killed me—
the sight of seeing you die partly.
I was overjoyed
and a little disappointed.
And
as you pour your heart out,
on my shoulder, your bitter sweet tears,
i knew exactly that the moment
she left you,
she took your soul with her.
"She's gone."
but my love, so were you.

You were gone from me too.
He sits there waiting. Gnashing his teeth together and barely holding on. As he waits inside his locked room, he knows he's not really waiting. There is nothing waiting for him. Nothing going on in his world to wait for. His world is reduced to this locked room, with barred windows and a cup full of medicine every morning. They say it's supposed to calm him. Relax him. They say it with whites showing in their eyes. And with a heart beating twice as fast. They say it with one hand on their belt, which rests a taser.
He is reduced to a monster. Nothing more than a prisoner in his small, small world. No one knows he exists. No one knows how much he is rotting, slowly but surely. No one cares.
He has millions of emotions running a marathon across his brain. A bit of insanity mixed in with a lot of crazy and anger and hurt and frustration and wild. He has no one to love. He has no one who loves him. He is alone. And forced to fight his battles alone.
Whenever someone unlocks the door and hands him his meal, he always notices that they never make eye contact. They are forcing him to become something not human. With no love, no interaction, no help, no support, he is becoming a monster. A monster everyone is afraid of, a monster no one is willing to help.
He can't see the sunshine. He can't see the rolling hills or the green grass or the blue, blue sky or the puffy, swollen clouds. All he can see is his locked room and the white walls and the punctured ceiling. He can see his whole world in front of him and nothing more. He can't even see himself.
He lays there right on his bed. Wishing for anything. Love, a genuine smile, a conversation not dripped in fear, hope, a second chance, his dead family, something not within these walls of his world. Even death. He wishes for death. Because death is better than this. He would still be alone, but at least he won't be judged, won't be ignored, won't be feared, won't be restricted. He'll be free.
You are the twinkling stars
that light up
my night sky:
constant,
full of hope,
beautiful,



Distant.
I've seen the needle as it caresses the skin
I've seen the torture and the damage within

I've seen it take and never give back
I've seen the loss and lack of respect

I've seen the needle as it ***** out the life
The milking of blood, reaching for heights

When your in the fix your in control
Not seeing how deep, the rip in the soul

I've seen the needle take it away
I've seen life fade to the color of gray

I've seen the eyes that hide it so well
Gazing deep into the bowels of Hell

I've seen the needle locked in a scream
As the nightmare takes over the dream

I've seen it all with little hope left
Until it all shatters in death
I know it's been around for years but the recent high profile deaths from ****** and hearing how many people are addicted to this madness just has me thinking and praying for these tormented souls...
This needle goes
Right through
My kevlar skin
Shooting
Essence of
You
Into my veins

I fall

This is
My escape
Together
the two of us
are alone.
picture this:
clear glass rectangle table.
i am sitting
on one side, away from you

our feet touch
and i recoil.
you tell me again that you love me and i think
how drunk i was
how you still carried me home
even after all the others
even after i treated you like
less than nothing.

picture this:
in two years,
clear glass rectangle table.
you are on one side, away from me
i am halfway across the city
in a taxicab with your best mate

the phone is in front of you on the table
and you look at it
knowing i will not call until morning
knowing danger is the compass i use
to find you

in two years,
clear glass rectangle table.
bank card, a tightly rolled bill
lines like scratches and a glass filled with poison.

in the present, you tell me
people learn from their mistakes
and one can't keep helping people
but i tell you
the holes that we dig for ourselves
are far too deep.
who are you at six am
twisted soft into your bedsheets
face pressed into the pillow
half-asleep, sleepy          night-dust settled into your eyelids
I am not a poet, a dancer, a murderer
at six am
sleeping by your side I am only a human being
I only want what I have
right here.
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