i have become less, less, and less of myself
everyday i wake up in a wrong place
and my time is corrupted by the thoughts
of the fear of being not being good enough
and the wish of things i have never had
and the wish of being this person i create in my head the way i want myself to be.

and then the wish of having moments that will never happen, even in my another life

and then the wish of having people i have never even known before

and then the regrets of not living life the way i want it to be

and then the regrets of not saying what you actually mean to someone who doesn’t know whom your heart is for

and the thoughts of my time is near end and i’m still doing nothing

is hiding the best option?

because i don’t want to show up in a bunch of people who talk ****
who like to bring up the weakness of someone else and make fun of it.

while me, is still me, with only myself and my ******* useless thoughts that are stopping me from doing anything.

i don’t want to be forgotten nor do i want to appear

is wishing to die wrong?

because i have nothing to do and no one to impress here anymore

even i don’t wanna save myself everytime i’m near death anymore

i thought i was cured from all these suicidal things but turns out

i have never been this ready to die.

is it a place that you haven’t been before?
is it people you have lost?
is it someone who doesnt exist?

is it you?

i am a rotten daisy in a garden full of Juliet roses
yet my lips can feed your ego more than she and her whole body can

i am a half-broken soul
but whole when meets your hand behind my hair
and alive when you choke me while getting in all me

how can i not love you
while our nights are mostly good
and tired
and satisfied
but think of the one who doesn't even know my presence matters

i am wanted and desired by you

but to him; i am just regular flakes passing his molecules by