I was going to write him a poem
but the only word I could think of was
'stay'


And that's all I wrote.

"I think you're beautiful. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

No.
Not when you use the same word to describe every other dark haired, light skinned woman.
Not when you look at me and say
"Of course I think other girls are prettier than you."


"But I still think you're beautiful."
Stop.

"So my words are just empty to you?"

*Of course.

I want to smash my head through a ******* wall. Anything to make these thoughts stop.
I want to be held and have my forehead kissed, with the words “You are loved” whispered in my ear.
I want hands on chest, hands on neck. I want my neck to turn blue and my heart to stop. Then to start again with a kiss.
I want it all and I want nothing. My mind is so fast and so slow at the same time. Is this why the words come out in random orders?
Is this what it feels like to die??? /??? ??

I’ve always ****** at video games
and its no surprise you always beat me
I press the wrong buttons and my hands always shake
but that's okay because you press my buttons
and always keep me awake
I’ll be crabby every morning from lack of sleep
until I open your texts and begin to read
the messages saying you love me

I feel my eyes turn from grey to blue
every time I look at you
but when you leave at the end of the day
my eyes turn an even darker shade of grey
and maybe that's why I always get headaches.
I know we’ve kissed a thousand times
Yet you’ve never noticed how I open my eyes.
I like watching your lashes flutter
as you glue your lips to mine.
I wonder what you’re thinking?
What goes through your mind?

We may never see eye to eye
but maybe thats because I have to stand on my bed
just to be the same height
How is the view up there?
Is the weather really all that different?
Do I really have a bald spot in my hair?
That's whats the kids at school said.

So, what if I’m not as strong as you think at all,
and what if I’m not as gentle or kind as you say?
Well you certainly make me feel ten feet tall
and always make the bad thoughts go away.
“What if” doesn’t mean a thing to me,
not when my head is on your chest and
I can hear your heart beat.
But maybe that's just the sound of the TV
because we always watch cartoons at night.
Shrek is my favorite fairy tale
because love isn’t perfect
and there is no such thing as “right”
It reminds me of you
and how even though I’m not a princess
you still call me beautiful.
Now, I don’t know how to end a poem
that doesn’t involve tears being shed
But I guess that doesn’t matter
since this poem will never end.

I love you
I love you
I love you
But what does that even mean?

Chew me up,
spit me out.
Stick me under the restaurant table.
Let someone else's hand graze over my
oozing body
and watch the disgust in their face.
Eyes squinting,
nose wrinkling,
hand jerking away.
Watch them leave me there,
stuck in the same place you left me.
Call it love.

Lurk in the shadows,
crawl into my room at night.
Take off my shirt,
bite my neck and break my heart.
**** me side ways,
hold my mouth shut.
Put your clothes back on,
say I'm a liar,
walk out the door and
never say another word.
Call it love.

Text me at 2 AM on a summer night.
Meet me in the graveyard
behind the statue of Jesus.
Kiss me under the stars.
Go home when your dad realizes
the car is gone.
Drive away,
**** yourself 4 months later
and become just another tomb stone.
Call it love.