And Then There's Us...

We Get up and go to work at first mornings light.
We come home each and every night.
Every day we see our little one's smile
Although for us each day is a trial.

We make sure they learn how to read
Because we know that knowledge is a little seed
That needs to be watered frequently,
If it’s to grow in little heads eventually.

We are careful not to yell and scream
Because it’s easy to shatter our baby’s dream.
We never let them see us do any wrong.
As far as they know, life is a simple song.

Even when we have to hide our own tears
Of broken promises made to us over many years
We smile and tell them everything is going to be all right
Though we lay awake, into the deep of night.

We know evil thoughts fly swifter than birds
So we cover young ears when they hear foul rapper’s words.
Their twisted rhymes teach them to lie, steal and cheat
And we know, as they hear, they will also speak.

We love our kids and always tell them so
And in other ways we always let them know
With kind looks and tender embraces
But at first light we’re gone again without any traces

We start the cycle all over again
We don’t know if  it will ever end
But we’re not tied to quick and easy schemes
It takes hard work to achieve our dreams.

She looks into my eyes with hope
I see her smile, she knows what is coming
I fake a smile back to pretend
Her breathing becomes heavy as I move forward

She grabs my back with her hands
And pulls me on top of her *******
She whispers, "I love you"
I return the favor

To her I am a miracle
To me I am a pretender
A faker who finds her thighs to be a prison
To be trapped in a place where I don't want to be

It'd be easy to release myself
But why would I
When the prison feels so good
When I'd feel the same in between every other pair of thighs

Maybe it is because I'm broken
Maybe it is because I never cared in the first place
Maybe it is because of the one I lost
Maybe I'm just not meant to enjoy it

I finish as I watch her smile in satisfaction
I get off of her and sit on the foot on the bed
She sits up and slowly kisses my neck
I don't in return and gaze off trying to find the hope I once had

Stop talking to the people who are not worth your time, who cause you unnecessary drama, and make you feel worse about yourself.

Be honest with yourself.

You have fewer friends than you thought. Your cafeteria table slowly decreases in size, as do your social commitments, but you do not have any drama, no shallow or fake nonsense. Slowly, everyone starts to seem annoying, and irritating, and you do not want to converse with any of them, ever again.

Do not have many friends, and sway between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like you are superior.

When the one friend you do have does not come to school because she has to take a driving test, eat your lunch alone, and listen to music on your iPod so you do not appear as alone as you feel. Realize your condition has gotten much worse.

People talk to you. You feel ecstatic, even though you won’t admit that to yourself.
You get a shot of adrenaline when you feel as if you’ve breached their walls.
You try to say something—an opinion, an agreement, anything.
They ignore you.
You walk away, and think: you are above them anyways.

Do not get invited to parties. Think it is because no one likes you. Be sad; be resentful. Think about all the things you are missing at a dumb party thrown by a sophomore—which is bound to fail, and bound to get broken up by the cops. Realize that the reason you are not invited is more likely because you have never show any interest in parties. Force yourself to feel grateful for the lack of an invitation; no cops will come knocking on your door, asking questions.

Plus, you have to go to work tomorrow, and that is much more important.

When the party does get broken up, pretend that you knew it was a bad idea and that you had never wanted to go. Listen to the stories of running from the police, through thorn bushes, with a twinge of jealousy.

Not only do you not go to parties; you do not have any plans for the weekends at all.

Never have sleepovers. Instead, wake up at 12:00 in the afternoon, stay in your pajamas, and have a Netflix marathon of Supernatural. Eat a lot of junk food and think, “**** it!” and then immediately regret it, you are trying to lose weight.

If you lose weight, you won’t be a loser anymore.

If you lose weight, people will still remain the same.

You cry, because you think it’s what you should do.
You feel pathetic.
The tears running down your cheeks do not do justice for the raw, uncomfortable feeling making your stomach clench.
You are stronger than all of that.

You sit on your bed and think about a better time, a better place, when you felt accepted, loved, and even popular.

Think about the time you weighed a good fifty pounds less. You were on top of the world.

Talk about your future, because at least you have them beat there. You will go all the way.

Think about your straight A’s. Get on the scale. 145, 160, 194 pounds; why do those numbers matter? The 98’s are the ones that are going to get you into a good college.

College…
High school.
Present.

Walk through the double doors with staggering confidence.

Talk about how you are a loser—it makes people believe that you do not actually see yourself that way. Losers would never admit that they are a loser. Plus, the people you are talking to are obligated to deny the fact that you a loser, no matter their opinion. It’s common courtesy. Sometimes you want them to deny it, and sometimes you want to prove to them, and to yourself, that it is okay to be a loser.

You define yourself as one because sometimes you are proud of it.
Why?

You think: I do not want to be friends with these people; they are annoying, petty, and shallow. I am much more independent and mature. I’m off to better, bigger things.

Later
You think: it would be nice to have a few more friends, people to talk to, people who care.


Get assigned a creative essay titled, “How to Become a…”

Choose: “How to Become a Loser”

Plan on the piece being light, funny, and paradoxical, ending it with a sarcastic, but optimistic line.
Realize that you are not the loser; everyone else is.

Doubt yourself.
Realize this is no longer a humorous essay.

You and I have been us so long
That's all I know how to do
But since you said goodbye, I'm gone
I'm having to learn something new

I'm too old to go back to school
If you must know the truth
This is the hardest thing I've ever done
Learning how to un-love you

Falling head over heals was the easy part
It's all I ever wanted to do
Love with you was a work of art
With the lines drawn out so smooth

Not sure I would have started this
In hindsight if I knew
How hard it'd be to study this
Learning how to un-love you

Put on your glasses,
and look at the masses:
sick boy, sick girl,
stock market crashes.

Put on your clothes,
'cause no one has to know
what is underneath --
you'll never have to show.

Do something for yourself.
Put a trophy on your shelf.
Shoot down the law,
and all opposers, as well.

Do not be fatal,
but live in a fable;
go for the moment;
avoid broken cradles.

Go and be peaceful,
'cause we are all people.
Everyone is different,
but we are all fetal.

Make something large;
let your energy charge.
Float out to the vast sea,
then back to the barge.

Stay focused for longer;
there's so much to conquer.
Play by your own rules;
they will make you stronger.

Who is your mother?
You thrive as she smothers
unrequited symphonies,
lucid, as they hover.

Who is your daddy?
Is it not saddening?;
telling you what to do --
government chattings.

Take off your shoes,
and stop being used.
Put mine on now...
Here's the new you!

Give up on jealousy;
flow with the melody.
Do what you want;
end up with a felony.

Say yes to heretics;
put some fare in it;
fill up your lungs,
and watch the clock tick.

Grow like a flower,
and ignore other powers;
Love one and Love all --
happiness-tears shower...

I sail upon a turbulent sea
unsure of where I'm going.
The waves crashing all around
the wind above is blowing.
My men, well, they're all hiding,
frightened of the storm.
How tough and brave they did seem!
But how fast men can transform.

So I am alone up here,
left to bring this ship to shore.
I long to end this nightmare job
and to be on land once more.
To feel the grass beneath my feet
and to see the flowers bloom.
To see your face again, my love,
as I enter in the room.

But alas my safety is yet unknown
I am unsure of my fate.
I do not know when or if
I'll walk through the front gate.
If I do not make it back this time,
please wipe away the tears.
You'll hear me whisper soft and low
"I love you so much, my dear".

My Letter

This is a letter, I'm writing to me,
with paper that came from a tree.
Over forty and nothing accomplished,
thought by now, I'd be smoothly polished.
Life didn't turn out like I thought,
I did everything that I was taught.
When younger, found love once or twice,
each time, I learned while paying the price.
Have two kids I love dearly,
not seeing them every day, hurts severely.
Never knew life would be this complicated,
too easily, I get so aggravated.
Snapping at the smallest thing,
just once, I want to be a king.
Met a woman, I love a lot,
moved to Florida, where it's always hot.
Been in two major car accidents,
surviving both was so miraculous.
I've had my share of nervous breakdowns,
lived in my share of lonely towns.
All I ask for is my chance of fame,
for fifteen minutes, I'd play the game.
At this moment, my life ain't half bad,
sometime's I feel like I've been had.
Done my share of bad things,
karma sometimes badly stings.
Been so broke, lived in the streets,
been so rich, followers actually read my tweets.
Now I live with my best friend,
I'm hoping till the very end.
A letter to yourself is a great exercise,
learning about yourself, can make you wise.
This will end my hand written letter,
try it sometime, I promise you'll feel better.