Tell me this isn't just in my head
I'm hanging on by a thread
To a dream of sanity
Where there's some clarity
Of what I should do
Can't wait forever for you
To change your mind about me
Who I am Who we could be

It means nothing at all
Waiting here for the fall
I'm stuck waiting for you
To be here for me too
Hanging on to lost hope
Barely able to cope

Could you save me
Help me become free
I wish you were here
I need you to be near

When im wothout you
There's nothing I can do

Love is a myth
A story passed down from
Generation to generation
Parent to child
The one emotion
With no proof of a reality

There’s some proof of
Every other emotion
When you’re happy
Your lips spread wide and you
Flash your teeth to whoever’s looking
When you’re sad unwanted
Tears roll down your face
When you’re embarrassed your
Cheeks flush bright red rose

Love is a fairytale
One that may or may not
Begin with a
Once upon a time
Rarely ever really ends up
Happily ever after

Love is a drug
Try it once you
Get hooked
Love makes you a
Happy kind of high
Oblivious to reality
When you breakup
Reality crashes you like a
Steamroller
Instead of going down
You can always take another hit





Love is every girls dream
Their vision of their future
It starts at a young age
Even  when boys have cooties
Then they grow older,
Scribble hearts with their
Initials in their notebook
Stare at their crush when he
Supposedly isn’t looking

As they grow older
Girls version of love
Starts with a perfect boyfriend
Probably during the high school or college years
Graduating high school
Going on to college
Getting their dream down, then
Finally settling down
Ends in a perfect marriage
They’ve dreamed out their whole life

In the end
Love is a letdown
Ultimately made to
Blindside you
Break your into a million pieces

Somehow people make love out to
Sound like the perfect escape
From a past of fear and loneliness
Yet not so great when you find it’s
Virtually impossible to find a
Guy who’s ready to
Get down on one knee
Ask to spend the rest of forever with you
One who isn’t afraid to commit

Yet people still
Have hope to find this
Elusive magic potion that
Claims to make your fear go away
Make you stronger
Claims the effects will last forever

Maybe one day this
Crazy theory of love
Will be proven
So we know we’re not all
Chasing a hopeless dream

Until then play love’s game
Who knows
Maybe you’ll be the one to hit the jackpot

I love you more than
My heart and mind
Have the capacity for
But nothing could scare me away
Make me walk out the door

I love you more than
Endless words that are
Impossible to say
Ones that won’t do you justice
At the end of the day

I love you more than
That song I play on repeat
The one that helps me pick up the pieces
In the midst of a defeat

The fact is I love you
More than fiction
Allows me to
Escape what we call reality
Because you are better than any fantasy

I love you more than
Lazy days gone by
Ones that never
Make me want to cry


I love you more
Than you’ll ever know
I hope one day I’ll be able
To show it and I hope
One day you’ll feel it too

Maybe this pain will never stop
A never-ending well of hurt
Consuming my everything
Pulling me towards darkness
Maybe things would be better
If you heard this cry for help and
Came to save me

Then again maybe
You aren’t what I need
I’m better off
Without you in my life

Maybe this pain was
All because of you
You were never worth my time
This was nothing to you
Too bad the
Joke's on you

Suicide is not a ***** word!
It's helplessness
It's feeling like an ending will
Benefit those around it
It is death for a cause
It's leaving behind a world
That refused to believe in
Struggle they can't see



Depression is not a ***** word!
It's a vortex of
Emptiness
Swirling through my veins
Smiles that fail to hide the pain
A sadness that ***** the
Joy from daily activity
Preventing me from
Doing more than merely existing

Anxiety is not a ***** word!
It's an abundance of mental energy
Keeping me up late at night
It's consuming
Nerves that never leave
Thoughts you can't shake
Despite how they've shaken you

Mental health is not *****
Its's not something that should be
Wrong or
Frowned upon

We need to change this narrative
Because it's not a death sentence
And we don't need to be outcasts
Acceptance goes a long way

This is it
I've had enough
I'm done with this
All the lies  and
Broken promises

Maybe I should go mute
You';; never have to hear me
So you can just pretend
That I'm not there

Maybe I should just
Commit the deed
End my worthless life
It'd make you all
So very happy

Is this me
Am I here
Am I real
Or is this just the disease
Coming out
Taking over me

I want to cry
I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

I feel like cutting
I crave the blood and the pain
I want to see it fall down my arm
If only I had a blade and a way to
Cover up my scars

I feel like purging
I'm too fat and ugly
To be part of this world

I can't stop the pain
Can't hold on to life anymore
Maybe it's time for me
To just let go
Everyone would be
Better off without me

Can't you see all I'm doing
Is hiding behind these lies
I'm broken down
Can't fight back
All these demons inside

I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

Who are we to
Judge others on
What they've done
Mistakes they've made

We have all
Done something
Wrong stupid or bad

We are all people
We are not better than
Someone who has made
Some mistakes

You know
You know
It's more than just a crush
You know
You know
This is more than love
You know
You know
That you could be the one
For me

Baby you are the only one
Who makes my heart beat fast
Whose love will last
You give me shivers
Up my spine
The only thing that
Occupies my mind

You're the one keeping me alive
Knowing I have you
Makes me less afraid to die

Mom
She'll love you without fail

Mom
She'll always be there
When you need her

Mom
I love you
You're the best

Mom
I don't know what I'd do
If my mom was someone
Else other than you

How long did it take you
To move on and
Forget what we were

You were everything
It took so long to
Pick up the pieces
When you left me

No reason
One day here
The next you
Disappear

I wonder now
If I ever cross your mind
You still come to mine

Missing you hurts
We were so good
But you left
Without a trace and
My heart
Lost its place

Lost in the
Beat of the music
Helping me to
Lose reality
While finding myself

Heart beats to
The music
Making my
SOUL complete

Is this normal
That music is
Taking over me?

Lost in the
Beat of the music
Helping me to
Lose reality
While finding myself

Heart beats to
The music
Making my
SOUL complete

Is this normal
That music is
Taking over me?

Poetry is like
Magic on the page
Using words to bring
Stories to life

Poetry taught me how
Music is a fraud
You don't need to
Repeat the same thing
Over and over
To get your message across

I never connected to music
The way poetry connected to me
It gave me an outlet a
Place I belonged

Music uses tricks to
Keep you interested
Instruments, chords, melodies
Poetry is made by the
Person who speaks it

Music is so straight forward
It's in simple terms
Poetry isn't all simple
You have to read between the lines

People usually
Get the same message from a song
In a poem there are many messages
Many ways to read and interpret

People can quote lines from songs
How many can quote
Verses of poetry?

Music is great though
I love music
Poetry is just
More important to me

In my poems
I am free to
Be who I want
I am free to
Be who I am

Words
What do they mean?
Who do they benefit?
My words never
Come in my favor

I say something
It gets twisted
I speak my mind
I get shut down
I don't speak up
I'm hiding something


Maybe once I stop
Stop opening up
Stop talking
Maybe that's when
You'll finally learn
How to listen

My girl is such a beauty
What's more is she's so lovely
Forms a smile from a frown
Makes the world go
Round and round

My girl she's the one
Who makes me whole
Completes my world

Sold my soul to the devil
Nothing left inside
Wanted to be consumed by darkness
Best choice I ever made
Felt like I had the power
Way too easy to give up on life
Easier to give up on myself
Others never believed in me, so I stopped believing in myself
It made sense to me
Don’t care what anyone thinks
Won’t do something just because I was told to
People are the most insignificant species  
Didn’t have anything left
Anything that mattered to me was already gone
Material objects never meant too much
No hopes- no dreams
Not even the slightest spark of reality
Well I had one thing
I was left with a broken heart
No one has ever really cared about me
Everybody’s only looking out for themselves
They’re all going to get consumed by something much worse than the darkness
Won’t even have a choice
Nothing I said or did ever really mattered
Always rejected by others
Watched chances fade
Gave up on love
(Not something I ever really had)
Expected that things would just make themselves better
Killed my heart
Now I’m emotionless
It’s not like I had anything that mattered to me
Life is the worst thing that ever happened to me
There never really was any path
The whole way was pre paved
Fate and destiny is just a sham- it’s all fake
Everything I know is just an illusion
Finally broke free
Made my choice
Picked my own destiny
Nothing can get in my way now
There’s no more light
I’m getting out of this dark tunnel
I chose to die rather than to suffer through life
Just wanted something better-something I thought was attainable-happiness

Books movies
Scifi fantasy
Reading writing
Letters words
Social skills
Or lack thereof
All culminate to be
The nerd inside of me

I loved you once
Then again
Loved you too many times
To love you ever again

Emma lays her fragile hands
Onto her flat stomach
Head saying skinny
Mirror saying
Not skinny enough

Not skinny enough
Not skinny enough
Not skinny enough
Is all Emma hears

So she gets a toothbrush
Sticks it down her throat
So all the food
Not in her system
That she hasn't eaten in weeks
Flies out of her mouth

Tara cries at night
Her mother died when she
Was just a little girl
Her dad blames her
For her mother being gone

He can't deal with Tara
He gets wasted just to make
His poor little daughter's
Sickly pale skin
Turn into a mess of
Black and blue
At least he has yet to
Take away her innocence

Lily has to wear
Long sleeves every day
She's too scared
That someone will see
The scars that she
Creates on her own body

John is always drunk or high
Never a day
That he doesn't smoke ****

His dad beats him silly
Almost to no return
He needs something to
Take away the pain
Something to be numb

Dave has no way out
Scars cover his
Small teenage body

Medication?
That's a lie
It makes him worse
Want to die
So he takes his meds
Shoves them down his throat
To make it to a place
Much better than his
"home"

We are all somebody
We matter
Someone somewhere out there
Notices us, thinks about us
Remembers us

To the person
That someone who cares
Thank you for
Not being a nobody

You could've stood by and
Left me behind
Let me suffer in silence
But you were there
You'll never know
Just how much that meant to me

I wish I could return the favor
But you don't need me
You came in and then
Left like you were never here

People always leave
Even you, my somebody left
But someday I'll find my way
Can't stay a nobody forever
Or can I?

There's no more tears when
Your name flashes through my mind
No more heartbreak
When I remember how you
Walked out the door

Theres no more pain
You were the one who
Walked away
What a shame

I will not hold on to you anymore
This is the last time you get to
Leave me all alone

I won't wait around for you
To not love me too
I'd be crazy to

I'm not holding on anymore
Hope, love, happiness
All out the door

If you ever come back
I'll shut the door in your face
I'll have the
Pieces of my heart
Back in a good place

I wish I could say
That I've changed
All my regrets are
Ghosts of the past
That I've learned from all my mistakes

But I can't
I'm still just a kid
I'm growing up
Trying to find my place

I don't want to regret anything
Right now I regret you
You devil who
Built me up
To take away my soul

I'm not afraid of you
Anymore
There's nothing left
For you to take

So just goaway
Stay out of my life
Don't you see
How badly you've ruined ne

No one else but you
Can make me feel this way
If I had you
Everything would be okay

No one else
Can make me feel
Like I'm worth it

No one else but you
Can make me happy

IM NOT A CHRISTIAN
SO STOP TRYING TO
MAKE ME BELIEVE IN YOUR GOD
I DONT TRY TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN MINE

My momma always told me
Never to believe in love

I learned for myself
That love isn't real

People just use you
Always want something from you'

It's hard to believe
I'll ever find someone
Who truly cares for me

I'm not broken
My hearts just shattered
Into a million little
Pieces of dust

Will you save me?
Put me back together
If there's anything left

My soul is still intact
There's hope
That there might be
Something left

Dear self,
You were so collected
For a really long time
But you have just disconnected
From reality
Hell that courses through your veins is
Bubbling up inside of you
Threatening to pour out and
Ruin the picture you've created

You're slipping
I can feel
Shadows of darkness
Poking holes into you

First thoughts:
"Why am I here?"
"I can't do this"
"I wish I had a blade"
"I want it to end"

But somehow
Those dark thoughts
While taking over
Don't totally ruin me

Self,
You are here.
You are clean.
You can do it.
​​​​​​​

Dear heartbreak
I shouldve known
Shouldve seen you
Sitting on the doorstep
Waiting to
Welcome me home

I shouldnt have brushed you off
Pushed you to the side
You were still waiting
Knowing Id find my way back
Back to you

Baby,
You did a number on me
Took hold of and
Controlled me

I gave up
So much of
Myself to you
Stopped eating
Hardly living
Barely breathing

Im finally
Taking myself back
Please
Understand that

Fluffy puppies all around
Hiding bones underground
Failing to not make any sound

Inside, outside sniffing the air
Of their surroundings they are aware
They don’t do it to give you a scare
They want to show you that they care

Chihuahuas, Chow Chows, corgis too
Enough breeds to fill a zoo

Too many breeds to name
I love them all the same

While every puppy is great
Mine was brought to me by fate
Not a moment too late

My puppy makes my heart full
Life with him is never dull

While my dog may drive me crazy
He is forever my baby

One day
Things will change
You will regret
All the dumb
Choices you've made

One day
Things will get better
I'll forget you
You never made me
Any better

One day I
Will be happy
Without you
In my life

One day
Things wil be okay
You and me
Separate entities

Maybe one day
We will be more
Than just strangers
Who pass each other by
On the street

One day you will be
More than that boy
I look at from afar
Hoping that someday
You will notice me

One day we
Will be in love
Get married
Have babies

One day
With you
I'll be able to
Find the real me

Maybe one day
We will be more
Than just strangers
Who pass each other by
On the street

One day you will be
More than that boy
I look at from afar
Hoping that someday
You will notice me

One day we
Will be in love
Get married
Have babies

One day
With you
I'll be able to
Find the real me

It's hard to be
Original these days
Every word has
Already been spoken
Each phrase
Done to death

Every idea is a cliche
It's all been done before
Yet we claim
Our ideas are our own
Even though
Someone long ago
Thought of it before

This was meant to be
Our place
Meant for just
You and me
Our secret hideout
Away from the
Secrets, pain and lies
Of the real world

This was our
Special hideout
Our ***** little secret
Away from our
Twisted reality

You ruined it all
Closed the door
To our happiness
When you let the
Green monster in

She bought hell
Into our little
Civil society

She turned us
Against each other
Tore our friendship apart

What was once our home
Is nothing more than a
faded, tainted memory

Pictures, books, and
Memories all
Burned to the ground

All that's left is
The pain that you
Created
In our
Broken
****** up world

Maybe one day
You'll realize
All the pain you caused me
How hurt I am
How bad I hurt myself
All because of
What you've done to me

Boys or girls
Neither here nor there
Stuck in the middle
Who to choose to
Spend the rest of forever with

I love you
Three little words
Don't do anything
Personality is all there is
For me to choose from

Forever is in the making
Problem is:
Choosing just one person
Who I'm able to live with

Girls know my pain
Have been through
All the same **** as me
Have the same feminine problems

Guys are oh so sweet
Are always there for me
Give me faith
Make me believe
In the goodness of humanity


The one who has my heart
Will open up my soul
Save me from the beast inside
Make me feel real
For once in my life
Is the one for me

My real name should be
Irrelevant to you
It could be Jane or Susie
But why would you care

Words and letters
Are all that's in a name
Call me Rose
If it's all the same

You and me forever
That was such a lie
You said we'd always be together
Boy you had all the right lines

You said I love you
So many times
Those words
Meant everything to me
They meant nothing, a
Sputtering river from your mouth

You meant the world to me
Built me up
When I thought no one
Would ever love this broken catastrophe

Now we're nothing
You're not my baby
There is no you and me

No matter what
You'll always have a piece of
This broken heart

Go ahead
Tell me
One more time
Poetry is dumb
Words mean nothing

She is writing down
All her feelings
Crying for help
But nobody stayed


You don't know
How it feels
Having a voice
You are too
Afraid to use

Tell me again
How stupid
This print looks
Typing like this
Just isn't creative

I'm not trying to
"be cool" or "start a fad"
Sorry writing is the
Least creative alternative

Tell me one last time
That you never knew
Words had a
Lasting effect
On your victim

They wrote their
Feelings out
Tried to give it to someone

Did you know:
Your "jokes" weren't funny
She went home crying
Deciding the best way to
End her life

Did you know
She thought about you
As she ended her life

You never knew
Her life was
Always in your hands
Just one kind word
Could have saved her

Poetry is the only way
To know if I'm
Even remotely  okay

I write to feel
Feeling lets me know
That I'm still alive
Even though I may
Be dead on the inside

Poetry is a way
Of exposing my
Thoughts through words
That I can't use when
Expressing my emotions

Poetry is my life
The only think
Keeping my feet
Planted firmly on the ground

Make fun of me
If you must
But writing is
What keeps me happy

Recovery is not
Simple
It's not being better
It's bumps in the road

Recovery is relapse
Going back to old habits
Because it's easier than
Coping

Recovery is hiding the
Pain because everyone else
Believes it's gone

For me
Recovery just
Isnt a reality
I'll likely die before
"It gets better"

What if I can't handle
It when he says no?

Fingers flying across the
Keyboard
Freshly clipped from the
Confines of my mind
Wishing these words
Made sense
Meant something to
Any faceless name


Trying to
Escape the memories
Past has left behind
Destruction left in its wake
Never holding the
Culprit responsible

Your touched is
Etched into my body
From a time before
Everything surrounding me
Broke with each breath

Solace isnt good for me
Left alone too long
Thoughts creep back in
Reminding me that
Broken has been surpassed

Not sure how long
Its been of
Existing without
Living or surviving
But I know that
Im alone in this

Nobody knows the truth
Emotional exorcism of
Dark days
Not so long gone

Thought I was better
What a lie
My scars can tell you
Different stories

Truth will always
Be hidden behind
Madness and lies
But it's there
Reminding me
What I've done

Trust is my
Biggest flaw
Forever a mistake
The ones I need
Always leave

Black and blue marks
Cover her worn body
Influenced by alcohol
Worse than that
Is when her father
Goes below the belt
Without her consent
At least those scars
Will eventually heal

People always tell her
That she shouldn't be here
No one wants her
They all wish she would just disappear
Vanish from existence

Why are you alive?
Is a tornado in her mind
Twisting her emotions
Blowing away any
Chance of happiness

No drug or
Has done enough
To erase all the
Memories of her
Broken childhood

She welcomes the
Devil
Into her
Sadistic world
For he is the only one who
Truly understands how to
Make her past disappear

They lay there open on the table
Their sharp blades,
Taunting me-
Beckoning me to use them
I stare at them
Wanting to use them
Knowing if I do
It’ll be yet another regret
For someone else

I look away
Urge to use them is overwhelming
Looking at them reminds me of
All the memories
From a time not so long ago that
I was in such a dark place
No one could save me
Seeing them, even now
Reminds me of the other times
I used them
For the pleasure of feeling pain

Just their presence
Reminds of the past-
How right it felt
Pressing them down
Into my wrists
Just to watch the
Rush of blood
Seeping down my arms

I tell myself
Those days are over now
I swear I’ve changed
Even though
The scissors are still there
They mean the same thing
They aren’t who I am anymore,
Just a reminder that I’ve changed

Scars slowly fading away
An urge that feels
Impossible to beat
This battle that is a
Constant loss

Butchered skin waiting
Questioning
Will I be whole?
Should these
Wounds be reopened

Blade is a
Poisonous addiction
Maybe I'm not
Sorry
I started

Couldn't help that
Life got out of control
Aided in the beginning
Refused to let it end

It's sad really
Relapse I mean
Three years
Clean
Blade called out to me

Will it ever be over?
Will I ever stop
Scaring my body

Will I ever
Learn how to
Love this person I am or
Will I die trying to
Figure it out?

Some things
We keep to ourselves
For a good reason

Shirt tall
Skinny fat
Being tiny
Is where it's at

Nothing is
As simple as it seems
So the sky is blue
The grass is green
But for all we know
Our truth can change