3 years
Yet
No progress in killing that thing
That thing that is so beautiful
Yet tormenting
All i did, was encourage it
With the hope for mutuality

How sad it is* , that he eyes me while i eye another
The pain from rejection hurts, and that i did to him
Whilst i await mine to finally shut down, this great adoration
The torture it feels,for him to be there so close
While i can't speak a word
Just my heart aching with sadness from the truth that might be

Stupidly sad
Fakely smiling
Strongly pretending, that i'm doing fine.

Loathing the past
Excitingly scared of the future
Patient for now, waiting for the happy moments.

My thoughts need an intervention
or maybe, termination.
They destroy my innocence
with every fantasy created.
You are my inspiration
when it comes to art.
Every move you make is a moment captured
and treasured like love in the 90s.

I dont want to fall
Yet am falling
I can't save myself from being swallowed by that dark hole
Full of passion
Full of desire
It take time to reach the bottom
Where you are blinded and controlled like a puppet
You never realise how ost you are
Until you wake up from the trance
You see how lonely you are
Trapped in a dark hole
With nothing but regret

'Emotions filled with passion' is what i felt
I died then resurected
It was a dark, cold and lonely place
No one knew my situation
No one understood my behaviour
Because i was dead
Caged in my own body
Unable to break from the loop of hurt
Unable to smile
Unable to talk
Then i resurrected
Escaped from the cage
Broke from the loop of the tormenting hurt

During the day i try to stay awake
At night i try to fall asleep
In school i try to stay sane
In public i try to stay out of shame