i am not her
the woman who had countlessly betrayed your trust,
the woman who constantly made you feel like what you did and who you were was never enough,
the woman who would only hit you up for not true love but a convenient lust.

i am not her
the woman who so willingly took advantage,
the woman who without the slightest hesitation, took you for granted.

i am not her
the woman who took everything as a joke; to upset you was to be seen as funny,
the woman who only seen you as a dollar sign and finessed you of your money.

i am not her
the woman who spilled bitter lies from her lips like coffee to a wooden table,
the woman who convinced you that you could never achieve anything, as if you were unable.

i am not her
the woman who was filled with nothing but anger and spite,
the woman who seeked joy from causing you pain,
the woman who was given gift after gift and yet still found a reason to complain.

i am not her
the woman who mission was to use and abuse,
the woman who wronged you then turned around and you were the one being accused.

i am not her.


- d.berry

slowly trace your tongue around it then hold it up to my face so i could take a bite...you gently rub it around my areola then bring it down to my stomach and further down...i slightly flinch from the coolness of the fruit on my skin and it makes you smirk with this look in your eyes as if my unexpected body gesture pleases you. lifting my head back up, i look down to find you playing with me, mixing the strawberries juice with my own. with so many sensations happening all at once i can no longer hold back a soft moan that escapes my lips. with the half bitten fruit still in your hand, you melodically rub it on the part of me that has 8,000 nerve endings and my body naturally begins to sway to the rhythm you’re making. once it’s coated to your liking, your eyes begin to sink lower until you’ve diven into a sweet and delectable fruit salad that leaves your mouth covered in wetness that i’m eager to lick off...

- d.berry

you leave a sour taste in my mouth, like the shot of apple cider vinegar i take at the end of each day.
things between you and i didn’t even get that far, tell me why is it that i feel this way?
never have we exchanged the “L” word,
never have we made love .
yet, a stinging jealousy lingers on the tip of my tongue.
the wings of thousands of butterflies in my stomach would flap, whenever my phone rung.
how can a kiss or two lead to an emotionally draining attachment? **** near a soul-tie!
i was certain of the decision i made when i said my last goodbye.
perhaps my heart had other plans for you...us.
but i told you from the jump a toxic trait of mine was having the inability to trust.
time passes and here i sit; in disgust, feeling all betrayed.
never have we been officially exclusive, still, i feel cheated on, neglected and led astray.
my mind has moved on but it appears to be my heart that’s having difficulty keeping up.
if i were to spot you anywhere i’d give a cold shoulder and a tense lipped “wassup”.
my soul bellows out to the Bill Withers classic, “Ain’t No Sunshine”.
if the saying “time heals all wounds” is true, then why is it that i am not fine?
the frustration with myself is far deeper than the frustration i have for you.
turns out the grass ain’t greener on the other side, turns out it was all too good to be true.
my spirit is stirred, but my eyes refuse to cry.
so i promised myself to keep my head up,
but ****.
**** this soul-tie.

- d.berry

if my body is a temple, then let it be where you worship.
if my body is a safe haven, then let it be a place where you find comfort.
if my body is a mattress, then let it be where you can rest.
if my body is eve, then let your body be adam.

if my body is a fruit, then let you eat and be nourished.
if my body is water, then let you drink and be hydrated.
if my body is medicine, then let you be cured.
if your heart is mine, then let my body be yours.

- d. berry

why must you be hers?
it's not fair.
you're on my mind constantly,
why can't you tell that i care?
i bet i'd treat you better than she does.
you'll feel things you've never felt before
i give you my word, i swear.
to crave your touch,
to dream of your scent
it's evident, our history is all there.
now you must know if you are ever mine,
i'd never let you out of my sight
again
for i am not one who likes to share.
let us explore,
let us roam like the young and free
souls we are.
i only wish to do this with you,
my dear.
let us go out to dinner,
where in between bites we'd give
each other sly smirks and stares.
let us spend a day in the town,
spend a night in the fanciest
hotel
where we'll pop champagne
and get so drunk you'll whisper
the dirtiest things in my
ear.
one thing will soon lead to another,
you'll take off yours
before i take off my pair.
the sheets will be grabbed,
eyes will be rolled,
you’d better leave me
gasping,
for air...

- d.berry

i’m feeling like i need you. i’m feeling like i’m craving every inch of you from top to bottom. i’m feeling like you’re my only ****** desire right now. i want you. i want your weight pressed against mine, i want a trail of soft kisses on my skin leading down my body. and when you come across my neck, stay there for awhile...there’ll be no need to rush this time; i’m not going anywhere. bury your face into the side of my neck and let your tongue run mad. **** it, lick it, bite it. and don’t stop until you’ve left your mark on me. my eyes will flutter to the back of my head, my hands will wave frantic, not knowing where to place themselves simply because the feeling you’ll be giving me will be so pleasurable. tilt your head so that your ear is by my lips; i’d want you to hear each moan become more shaken, more intense, louder. and when you’ve finished with that & left me with nothing but a puddle between my legs, gently take my face and kiss me. kiss me like you’ve been wanting me to shut up for the past 10 years. leave my lips smooth from your rough lip bites, french kiss me as if you and i were made in paris. i’d challenge you to a twirl session, your tongue battling mine and let’s see if you could keep up. kiss me passionately but aggressively, kiss me so good that you make me forget about everything other than that very moment. i’d want you to ever so slickly slide your hand from my face down to the inside of my thighs and began to rub on me, rhythmically. i want you to feel up on me and kiss me at the same time. when i feel that the time is right i’ll guide your hand to the center of my body, a gesture i’ve been yearning for at this point. immediately, you’d feel the heat from inside my pants and can’t resist rubbing my **** in an upward downward motion. not too soft, yet not too rough. then circular, counter-clockwise and all that. you’d slid from irresistible lips back down to my neck intentionally wanting to hear me moan and gasp your name, once more. lower and lower i’ll feel your fingers crawl before i gasp out. you’re in me. my temptation has now become my reality. i’d feel the pressure down below, as you’d feel my warmth, my wetness. that repeating squish sound will make you whisper out, “ *******’re so wet” and then my favorite line, “*** for me”. your fingers will be magical and you’d pleasure me gently as if i’m new to this. i won’t be able to take it anymore.. pleasure too quickly will become teasing and torture. “**** me” i’ll let out in one breath hastily. you’ll most likely say something promiscuous, which will turn me on even more. typically, i’d have you devour this ***** but i’m more impatient this time than usual. the only thing i could think of, the only thing that’ll give me that feeling of extreme satisfaction is, you in my guts. you’ll be harder than a brick and just as eager as me. your eyes stay on mine as i feel your **** rubbing against my lips until...you’ve slid in. grabbing onto you, your arms, is my first reaction. with each ******, i feel myself expand and contract more and more. the tip of your **** hitting against my ***** walls allows my body to self-lubricate, wetter and wetter. i look up at you, my mouth open still in shock and my moans echoing where ever it is that we might be. your occasional “yeah you like that ****?” “***** good as ****” “shittttt” keeps my focus on you and you alone. i rub my **** while you caress my belly, my *******, arms and legs. turning a bit onto my side, you stay close behind and penetrate me from a different angle yet the feeling remains just as sensational. i cream all over you right before you take yourself out of me slowly and head to my mouth, so that i taste the both of us...a little salty, a little sweet. it’s a distinct taste. placing your hand lightly over my head, you slide it slow down the back of my throat and exhale unsteadily as your eyes close. i am pleased with the fact that i can please you in return. my mouth is full of saliva, warm and wet and covers every inch of your manhood. you take advantage of my not having a gag reflex and let out an alarmed sounding “i’m bout to ***..” and came you did.

- d.berry

seasons change
people grow
i crave summer heat
and dread the winter snow
it all goes by so fast
quicker than you’ll ever know
but what haunts me the most,
i saw you come
and watched you go.

- d.berry

i am a writer
i am an artist
i am a lover
i am my mother’s
daughter with my
father’s eyes
i am a survivor
i am a fighter
with scarred fists
i am gentle
i am caring
i am selfless
but beware
i am not naive
nor gullible
nor small
for i will pull the sun
down
with bare hands
and i will not let
anyone
take it from me.

- d.berry

a secret most long to hear.
a secret some hold in fear.
a secret i keep from you.
a secret i hope you
can't see through.

you might run, say it's too soon.
when will i tell you, some special,
sunday afternoon?

i may wait six months,
i will wait to confront.
but with all this, one thing is true . . .

i hope you love me, too.

- d.berry

it’s hard to believe
just a few seconds of your life
could lead you in a different direction.
whatever it is has the ability
to affect how you think,
alter your lifestyle..
you look in the mirror and are unfamiliar
with the person taking the place
of your reflection.

from the moment
his hand landed on my thigh,
my life forever changed.
like everything i knew up
until that point had been deleted,
suddenly rearranged.

not a single minute will be forgotten
from that dreadful day.
however within this poem
i will try my best to convey.

words cannot begin to describe
the person i thought i knew.
but my goal is to express
the horror i once went through.

i was gestured to an opened door
which led to a dark basement,
filled with strong smells of laundry soap.
looking down to check my phone,
i told myself i’d be home by 10:30,
or i would hope.

hesitantly
i continued down the carpeted stairwell.
the house was quiet, unusually still.
it seemed as though not a soul would dwell.

if i’d any clue what was bound to happen,
i would’ve planned a great escape.
but little did i know a part of me
would be robbed that night...
little did i know
this was my fate.

all was well at first,
until the silence broke.
“if you want me to bring you home,
you have to do me a favor”,
were the last words he spoke.

my eyes filled with confusion,
and his filled with lust.
i felt helpless,
knowing my purity was being stolen,
with each and every ******.

i stiffened
every muscle in my body,
attempting to keep the warm drops of water
from stumbling down my face.
it took everything in me
to not meet dark, soulless eyes
and shoot him a firm look of disgrace.

his hands were hot and clammy,
his heavyset athletic built
leaning over me.
his pupils were wide and alert,
but not attentive enough to hear my plea.

face pushed
into an old and dusty couch,
neck cuffed roughly by the hand of my
predator.
in my view was a wendy’s cup
filled with sprite
sitting on a stool at room
temperature.

the longer he was in me,
the more i felt my body had been injected
with filth and dirt.
i was too late to realize his intention was deliberate,
it was now clear and overt.

i found slight humor
in the fact that a **** bag
is all he’d ever be.
the only thing he seemed to accomplish
in his life,
was doing me.

tears of sweat
from his forehead gleamed down at me
like a desert sun.
i prayed for an interruption whether it be a knock, a phone call-
but there was none.

the room was humid and heavy,
the odor of refusal and neglect mixed
into the oxygen we breathed.
while I was left in utter devastation,
he pulled out rather pleased.

in fast motion,
i grabbed my clothes and stood
in the corner waiting for him
to get finish getting dressed.
i looked around to distract myself,
for the past half hour
didn’t leave me anything
but distressed.

but the joke was on me,
he headed back to the couch,
not a single hint of sympathy
on his face in sight.
the glance he gave me made it evident.
he had lied to me.
he had planned to keep me
overnight.

from midnight to dawn i was a puppet;
nothing to him but a shiny, new toy.
being held captive
by a person whose name is now
sickens you,
could never be an experience you enjoy.

it is because of him
every night fail to fall asleep.
laying up in bed.
thinking of how my innocence
is no longer mine to keep.

what others imagine in their worst possible nightmare,
is my gruesome reality
that cannot be undone nor repaired.

i have the sweetest smile,
that beams between my nose and chin.
but it is only me, myself and i
who know the truth about
his deep secrets within.

i have the most humblest eyes,
that have witnessed more than they should. though nothing changes,
i have cried more delicate tears
than anyone ever could.

i have the kindest heart,
sooner or later i learned that it came
with a cost.
this kind heart has felt
the worst of pains and experienced
the greatest loss.

dark days are necessary,
just as important as the rest.
for if we didn’t have the worst,
we couldn’t recognize the best.

- d.berry

ever since i’ve met you, you have been the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
at this point, i’m at a loss of words because i knew i should have let you go a long time ago.
but I didn’t.
so the longer i keep holding on, the more pain i cause myself.
i just can’t stop latching onto the words you’ve once said to me...
“next time you start being a stranger, don’t expect me to let you back in.”
the thing is, i don’t want to lose you. i don’t want to grow up without having my best friend by my side.
but that’s what it’s looking like.
i don’t know where we went wrong. i can’t even keep track of the events in order.
all i know is loving you was the biggest mistake i could have ever done.
but i don’t regret it.
half of me is saddened from reminiscing, and the other is just numb.
knowing that i don’t need you, that you don’t deserve me. you never did.
even from the beginning, i would beat myself up over that fact that i wasn’t ready for commitment. for you.
but only to find out that once i had matured, my love for you could become the most powerful thing about me.
my thoughts remain a wandering bundle of mess which takes up most of the space in my brain.
the tears i cry are no longer salty, but bitter.
and even so, i catch myself turning to the side to let free only two drops of water from my ducts.
i do not deny it, i still look for you.
in crowds, on social media…
wishing, hoping, praying that you would realize that you couldn’t live without me.
but you can.
and you are.
you have been ever since november. why did you do this to me? why me?
i gave you more than i ever thought i could give another human being.
did what we have mean nothing to you?
you lied to me, you took advantage of me, you humiliated me.
you destroyed me.
and it is because of this, that i can no longer associate with you. i never wanted to accept it,
but you are a monster.
you are my enemy, my worst nightmare.
i’m afraid to have you in my life just as much as i am afraid to have you out of it.

- d.berry

being in love is a wonderful thing. although is isn’t always what we are expecting, we soon discover it is something we so desperately cannot live without. love comes in a variety of forms. will you be able to identify it, when it makes it way to you?

there happens to be the “butterfly effect”, which i like to think is the most common. this love gives you the feeling of sitting in a cart 300 feet off the ground. when it suddenly hits you, there you are swept away going a high number of miles per hour with adrenaline running all through your veins. you are completely and utterly terrified, for you have no idea what’s around that sharp corner but getting off is the last thing you want to do.

next there’s a “fire” love. a heavy feeling of strong desire which you never thought you could possess. you yearn for their every touch, move, and presence. you do not wake nor go to sleep without them being in your very thoughts. you seem to feel rather possessive over the person your heart simply cannot break away from

then comes the “unknown” kind of love. it is not spoken about very often, for reasons of shame or perhaps embarrassment but it seems to hit almost every human being at some point of their life. the “unknown” holds more of mystery and confusion. you live each day in uncertainty, pondering over what “could’ve been”. blatant fear holds you back from the one thing you want most in this wicked world. though your pessimism and doubt only get you so far, you have not the ability to let go and move on. so what is it that you do? you remain stuck. your heart trapped. you convince yourself that this is your life. living in questioning, admiring from afar, as you watch the person you love, love someone else.

- d.berry

the soles of his feet were the foundation of a greek god physique. his legs were lengthened; muscular, beyond well-defined. his ivory teeth all set where they should be like the stars in the sky aligned.
his ***** defined his virility. my heart gasped to catch its breath as i gripped his manhood. already i could tell he was trouble. yet, little did i know, he was surprisingly humble.
the sculpted 8-pack hidden underneath every shirt, that hung loosely from broadened shoulders, was the symbol of masculinity. without him there’d be no existence of my femininity.
he had a thing for wanting to become one of the “bigger guys”. you know, with the pulsating veins and the bulging eyes. his determination had never ceased. maybe not in body, but in the heart he was a beast.
in my eyes he was adam. perfectly molded from dirt by the hands of God, you see. there was no need to change anything about him, especially the unconditional love he continued to grow for me.
those slender fingers never failed me in times of comfort. wherever they had laid upon my body, a sudden feeling of importance came rushing to me. he made it known, i was his one and only priority.
unlike the man known as “father” who left me shattered. i was a glass vase that slipped from clumsy, oiled fingertips, pieces scattered. “why didn’t he want me?” the amount of times i’ve asked myself this question couldn’t be measured. but you know what they say, “one man's trash is another man’s treasure.”
this new human being removed all of my pain, regret, frustration and spite the moment his eyes locked on mine that one night. and that’s all it ever took. then after a gentle kiss on the front of my hand, and a promise that i’d never feel abandoned again. i was shook.
the feeling of countless monarch wings fluttering in the pit of my stomach, was all the proof I needed to know he was real. with every beat of his heart, all doubts were killed.
for he yearned for longevity. he fought for peace. he lived for happiness. he prayed for love's keep. his neck held the scent of his ebony skin. the exotic collision of lingered cologne and sweat from practice filled my nostrils and made me think thoughts of sin.
lips, full and pink indicated ****** needs and ****** desires. he’d brush them against mine not knowing it was only adding fuel to the fire. a slight touch behind the ear allowed my brain to send goosebumps running all down to my feet. a stream flown from my womanhood when his hand and my inner thigh would meet. the words “don’t stop” flew from my lips without hesitation. there was a rising from his pants from the thought of pleasurably *******.
languages from different parts of the world rested on the tip of his tongue. they slipped from his lips like a slow sax piece echoing in a bayou. it was something about his range, his tone, his enunciation that had the power to do something to you.
a feature that had always stood out- his nose, boldly displayed the ethnic background from which he came. his ancestors were traced back to their original roots in Africa, the culture was obvious from his last name.
his ears possessed the will to listen to problems, thoughts and even opinions of others before his own. although i knew him well enough to know he’d only release his emotions when alone. somehow he knew when to say more or less, or if being a listener in silence was for the best.
his brain held as the control center for intellect and psychological being. if you weren’t sure of something, he was the one to go to for meaning.
he had owned a mind i had never come across in my eighteen years of life. the day he met me, he’d told me he had found his wife. his dark skin was the protection of many layers, each one a step closer to his soul. is it bad that when i’m not in his presence, i don’t feel whole?
glimmering in the sunlight was his deepened melanin, smooth as the petals of a rose. it was him, the man i chose. and he chose i.
until it was time my temporary lover and i had to say goodbye.

- d.berry

i’ve always wondered what makes Destiny..
perhaps it is the dark shadows pressed into the sides of her face known as cheekbones.
the blotchiness of her skin.
that “cute little” dimple that runs down her chin.
the two very different shades between her face and neck that everyone points out.
“gotta be easy with the bleaching creams sis”..
sure because why not aspire to look like Lil’ Kim, right? *******.
the way one side of her nose is slightly longer than the other.
the dents in her top lip.
the discoloration around her mouth from the breakouts of an annoying skin condition called eczema.
those ****** dark chocolate eyes.
maybe the stubborn eyebrows who refuse to claim each other as sisters, or even cousins for that matter.
the acne scars on her shoulders from too much sun.
her too wide of a “button nose”.
the bold jawline given to her by her daddy.
the shape of oversized freckled lips given to her by her momma.
the prominent collarbone given to her by Indian ancestors.
every feature (whether it be uneven, crooked, discolored, blotchy, too big or too small) is perfectly imperfect & molded by the hands of the Almighty.
after years and years of practicing patience and acceptance to love herself again, i’ve come to realize that this is what makes Destiny.

- d.berry

according to wiki, inner peace refers to a deliberate state of psychological or spiritual calm despite the potential presence of stressors. what they fail to mention is how can one gain peace of mind? no matter how “unbothered” you verbally say you are, your actions of eye rolling in their presence, subbing them on your twitter, and typing their username into the search bar says otherwise. you can block them on social media, delete every picture you’ve taken with them, even burn what used to be their belongings. below all of that rage and anger, there is hurt. no one deliberately chooses to lose someone in their life, especially one they’ve once called a (best)friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, etc. but when fallouts happen, we get angry. we feel misunderstood. we say things we may or may not mean. to hide our vulnerability, we put up a front. because as long as it looks like we’re okay on our social medias, who cares about what’s going on internally right? and this is where we go wrong. inner peace isn’t about looking good, it’s about feeling good. it is a place of ease, of calmness. there is a stillness in your mind even when you peep things that would normally have you screenshot and send to the group chat. on this journey, you will need to practice forgiveness (not for them, but for you), take responsibility for your actions and learn not to put the blame on others, disconnect yourself from anyone who makes you doubt their intentions, and replace the ones you let go of with individuals who radiate nothing but positivity. accept things for what they are, accept people for who they are; when people show you their true colors, believe them the first time. giving someone the benefit of the doubt nowadays is a dangerous thing because you never know what you get in return. have patience, any kind of transformation will take time, this one especially. never lose focus, keep in mind where you’ve been and promise yourself to never look back. to those who was in need of this message, i wish you well on your journey.

- d.berry

your presence is the gust of wind brushing through tree tops.
the coolness in the air sends chills up and down my spine.
without thinking, my eyes close as i allow myself to fall into your embrace.

you possess power of a waterfall.
the 3,160 tons of water that pour over Niagra Falls each second
cannot compare to the roaringness of your voice.
taking my last breath, i cross my arms over my chest and jump the cliff.

my love for you overflows like rich, red wine in a glass
that has been poured by drunk and clumsy hands.

you are my nature.
you are a breath of fresh air; the cleanest, purest air.
you bring me peace and tranquility,
you ease my thoughts
and slower my heart rate.
for without you, i am not
sane.

- d.berry

every night
there you are in my dreams
constantly showing yourself behind hooded eyelids.
that is the only time you think of me
or so it seems.
i’m not sure what to believe,
if you really think about me
or not...
still, i miss your presence
you were a shot
my personal brand
of heroine
i am an addict,
i feen for you
but you have abandoned
me
and now the only reminder
i have of you
are these
withdrawals.

-d.berry

i'm sorry for laughing at you.
i'm sorry for being at the wrong place,
at the wrong time.
i'm sorry for making fun of something you couldn't control.
i'm sorry for judging you before i got to know you.
i'm sorry for being a kiss ***. yes, i admit it.
i'm sorry for not being the better friend.
i'm sorry for not sticking up for you.
i'm sorry for not standing for what i believe in.
i'm sorry you had to go through what you went through.
i'm sorry i purposely tried to make you jealous.
i'm sorry i was spiteful.
i'm sorry i was too clingy.
i'm sorry i couldn't understand you.
i'm sorry i got "bored".
i'm sorry i continued spreading that rumor.
i'm sorry i was fake.
i'm sorry i was a follower when i should've been a leader.
i'm sorry for not trying to understand.
i'm sorry for getting in the middle of something that didn't concern me.
i'm sorry i don't talk to you enough.
i'm sorry we don't hang out anymore.
i'm sorry we are now strangers.
i'm sorry i lied to you.
i'm sorry i cheated with you.
i'm sorry you made me uncomfortable.
i'm sorry you ***** me.
i’m sorry you hated me.
i'm sorry you lied to me,
manipulated me,
controlled me,
used me.
i'm sorry i believed you.
i'm sorry i was a naive young girl.
i'm sorry we will never be what we once were.
i'm sorry i didn't give you a chance.
i'm sorry i did give you a chance.
i'm sorry i was mean.
i'm sorry i was lost.
i'm sorry i was a negative person with an even more negative mindset.
i'm sorry i was hurting you all because i was hurt.
i'm sorry i couldn't love you.
i'm sorry i did love you
and hurt you anyway.
i'm sorry for all the rumors you heard about me
that weren't true.
i'm sorry you believed them.
i'm sorry we never talked again after that.
i'm sorry i was "obsessed".
i'm sorry i was just misunderstood
all along.

i'm sorry i wasn't your cup of tea.
i'm sorry you weren't mine.
i'm sorry i broke another girl's
heart
with you.
i'm sorry you broke
my heart
for another girl.
i'm sorry i was insecure.
i'm sorry i was gullible.
i'm sorry i was afraid to be alone.
i'm sorry i was scared to love.
i’m sorry i was scared to be loved.
i'm sorry i couldn't trust you.
i'm sorry i could trust you,
i'm sorry i did trust you
i got played anyway.
i'm sorry i gave my heart,
my soul
to you.
i’m sorry i wasted your time.
i’m sorry you wasted mine.
i'm sorry i gave my body to you
when you never deserved it
in the first place.
i'm sorry i didn't have respect for myself.
i'm sorry i didn't know my worth.
i'm sorry i was just another piece of ***.
i'm sorry you left after you got what you wanted.
i'm sorry you left me broken,
shattered,
all empty inside.
i'm sorry i wasn’t what you wanted.
i'm sorry i could never be "her".
i'm sorry i could never be enough
for you.
i'm sorry you weren't around to watch me grow.
i'm sorry you weren’t the father you wanted to be.
i'm sorry i was lost
without you in my life.
i'm sorry i found myself,
still without you in my life.
i'm sorry someone took your place.
i'm sorry they have impacted me more than you ever could.
i'm sorry i loved him,
like the father
you were not.
i'm sorry he left us.
i'm sorry you had to raise me on your own.
i'm sorry we didn't always see eye to eye.
i'm sorry you sometimes took your frustration out on me,
it's okay i was angry at him too.
i'm sorry i cared about you
more than you cared about me.
i'm sorry we both moved on.
i'm sorry i haven't forgotten you.
i'm sorry i still think about you.
i'm sorry i still love you.
i'm sorry we ended on bad terms.
i'm sorry i lacked communication.
i'm sorry i didn't want to understand.
i'm sorry i lost you,
you were my bestfriend.
i'm sorry the only thing we have now,
are memories.

i'm sorry i don't miss you.
i'm sorry i do.
i'm sorry i've matured.
i'm sorry you have not.
i'm sorry we never had closure.
i'm sorry we never will.
i'm sorry you never want to see me again.
i’m sorry you never will.
i'm sorry i've never told you any of this sooner.
i'm not sorry
for coming to peace with all of this.
and i'm not sorry i forgive me.
and i hope
you do too.

- d.berry

she’s tired of having to explain herself over and over again. what she wants isn’t all that much, but for some odd reason guys just can’t seem to grasp the concept.

she acts as if she has everything together. she makes it known she’s as strong as the black, independent woman her mother tells her she is. however, this might only be true because she’s convinced herself to believe such things.

the reality is she’s fearful. she’s more afraid of love, than death. afraid to get attached to another. so she distracts herself with this one and that one, that way she is unable to constantly think of anyone in particular.


she fears the possibility of having to hurt one, more than getting hurt by “the one”. she’s persuaded herself that relationships aren’t for her and she’s believed it for so long it is a mindset that cannot be change...it's her default setting.

but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t cry herself to sleep some nights, or didn’t feel alone- too alone. she’d be lying if she said she didn’t wish to feel understood or wanted. truth is, that’s all she’s ever wanted and all she can’t seem to come across.

maybe it’s simply not her time and she gets that. but she’s weary from this lonesome world she lives in, and at the same time weary from having to put up with ******* she chooses to entertain just for the sake of being entertained.

she’s gone through things no one knows very much about. depression, anxiety, traumatic events in her life…she has a problem where she can’t go without talking to someone. anyone. she’s held herself in captivity for too long, it frightens her to be alone. she knows it’s pretty pathetic, but it’s true. it’s unfortunate to know she intentionally gets herself into situations not for their sake, but for her own.

if she is in a relationship, something happens where one minute she’s completely and utterly in love with you, she could never stand the thought of anything going wrong. then the next, she wakes up one morning and those feelings are nowhere to be found. one minute she wants you more than oxygen, the next she could go days without feeling the urge to talk to the lover who is left drowning in a ocean of confusion.

it’s a scary thing for her, though it’s happened twice. she hates hurting those who care for her. but it would be unfair to further lie about feelings that are no longer present. i guess you could say she’s hesitant of herself. she refuses her own emotions. they’re so unexpected, unpredictable… she’s accepted the fact that you can love, and not be “in love”.

eventually, she begins to wish she wasn’t in a relationship at all. when men question her status, she simply replies with, “relationships aren’t for me.” but could this be true? perhaps it is she who isn’t built for them. how could this be so when she craves attention, desires companionship more than anything else?

she wants to stay up all hours of the night talking to one person and one person only; someone who could never stop telling her how beautiful she is, someone who believes in her when she fails to have the strength to believe in herself, someone who makes her laugh lines more pronounced as time goes on, someone who prays for her more than themselves. someone of open-mindedness, optimism, and adventure. someone who knows what it is he seeks, why he seeks it and how to make it His.

deep down inside she wants that. but there is a layer of uncertainty around that hidden part of her that acts as a barrier. this is so nothing ever comes in, and most importantly, nothing ever comes out.

- d.berry

i've never met you
but i can feel your
presence
when my mother speaks
of you.

i've never met you
but i can see apart
of you in me
because
we share that
blue-ish green
ring around
our eye.

i've never met you
but i bet you had
tons and tons
of stories to tell; like
the war,
the civil rights
movement,
how they named
a street after
you.

i've never met you
but when i think
of you
i feel like i'm home.

i've never met you
but if i did
i'd hug you and
remember what you'd
smell like.

i've never met you
but on every April 16th,
i wish i had.
rest in peace, i love you

-d.berry

how hypocritical it is to point at those who’ve “switched up” and make a vow you’ll never do the same.
now all you care about is reputation and status, like gordon ramsay
“****...what a shame.”
i must say it is unfortunate you let others influence you for the worse.
your behavior became unfamiliar to me, at the very least, reversed.
over and over you had promised you’d remain real
but as time passed that vow became dishonest.
it was disingenuous . . or so did it feel;
to judge ones poor character consisting of such callous and arrogance and say that could never be you.
but then to profess you’re madly in love with me, when you knew all too well this wasn’t true.
to claim you will remember those who stood by you even in your weakest moment.
hell, even if you do still care you certainly wouldn’t know how to show it.
to me you’re nothing but a stranger, a fake, no better than the next con.
because even when apart of me wants you back in my life, the other knows it’s better with you gone.

- d.berry

i miss you
and i know you miss me.
but we've both gone unnoticed
for so long,
“strangers” is the only title we hold
these days.
from time to time
i go to compose a new message
and type in your name at the top,
but my thumbs freeze.
staring at that blank text box,
i then realize i have nothing
to say to you.

- d.berry

eighteen years of my life gone
and i demand to know the truth.
nowadays hearts are afraid to love,
minds are afraid to think on their own,
people wish to have the lives of others through the screen of an iphone;
tell me, is this our youth?
we determine importance by numbers
shown on a single profile.
they’re told “do it for the ‘gram”
but little do you know
the pain they feel in real life
could never leave on their face,
a smile.

- d.berry

far too blessed to be stressin’.
i wish i would’ve known then
what i know now,
but it belongs to the past
so i gotta take it as a lesson.
constantly reminding myself to stay focused
on the right path,
looking ahead.
‘*** dontcha know muthafuckas  
don’t care about you
until you’re dead?

- d.berry

no face
no case
i should’ve been the one to tell you i needed space
but my hesitation wouldn’t erase
now i realize all the time that we spent together was a waste
i just wanted to be in a happy place...
and now you’re gone snap like that,
without a trace
it is what it is,
but sometimes i find myself reminiscing on
ya smile, ya jokes, ya taste
did we move too fast?
should we have gone at a slower pace?
i wanted you to be my lover,
my rock, my base
you know what they say,
slow and steady wins the race
guess we had to learn the hard way
when things started crashing down,
then shattered...
like a vase.

-d.berry

1:30 am:
u need to quit playing
n let me stress you out.
but only to relieve ya stress
later.

1:33 am:
why stress me
when you can *** me.
kiss and caress me
while calling me ****.
trailing ya lips
from my neck
down to my belly.

1:35 am:
why stress you?
cuz i wanna test you.
and once the test is thru,
i come onto you
like i belong to you.
got ya favorite song on too.

1:36 am: well dayum.
1:37 am: wordplay on scrabble,
my wordplay on crossword puzzle rn.
1:38 am: yeah that was cute or whateva...
still can't beat me though.

1:42 am:
u said i can’t beat you?
na i won’t.
unlike these other ******,
i’m respectful.
but one thing is for sure.
i certainly will eat you,
cuz ur worth making a mess for.
the way i clean up is nice,
i guess you lucked up. dice.
i'll beat you at the games you play,
not no physical fist fight.

1:48 am:
i respect what you stand for.
your voice leaves a burning
sensation in my core.
when **** start to get real,
turn off all the lights
and close the door.
i'm tryna find out
what that tongue do
and more.
i want you leaving me
desperate,
obsessed,
knees shaking
and ***** sore.

1:53 am:
***** sore?
u gonna be screaming for more.
i’m sorry but, you don’t know
what you’re in for.
when you signed up
did you read the fine print?
it says all of that is mine,
and i'm just givin' you a hint.
what’s mine, is mine.
what’s yours is yours.
so i guess u can find out
what this tongue does
and more.

2:02 am:
***** better be throbbin'.
like a bottle taken from an infant
leave me sobbin'.
you think you're the only one who's
in for a surprise?
tuh, baby you don't even realize
i can do things to you that'll have you
hypnotize.
call this ****** "houdini" ***'
bippity boppity boop
after one round
you'll be mesmerized.

2:11 am:
me? mesmerized?
yeah, you smoking that strong.
shawty you must not know,
i can hypnotize you
with this “magic wand”.
pull a bunny out my hat
and tell it to eat ya thong.
tie you up like a shoe
or a present.
i’m about to bless you
but i ain't no reverend.
your essence so precious
my breath is getting restless.
your *****,
i press with my fingers like textin'.
don’t lie to me in privacy.
i need truth, baby girl imma need u
to ride with me.
long journey ahead
imma need u to pack wisely.
no whining allowed,
don’t cry to me.
just vibe with me,
smile for me.

4:36 am:
he beat me that night...
and in all the right ways.

- d.berry

word of advice my dear?
please don’t ever let any man
tell you what you can & cannot do.
yes it may hurt at first,
yes you may shed a tear.
why listen to me?
well with these kind of things
i must admit i know a thing or two.
you are strong.
you are independent.
but how is it he always finds
something to call you out on,
as if you are the one in the wrong?
you are an individual.
you are you own alpha,
and a much better one
than he could ever be.
know your worth.
have faith.
trust God’s path for you
and you will soon see.
do not mope.
do not frown.
it’s slipping! it’s slipping!
don’t you hear me my dear,
stay mindful of that up on your
head-
for it is your crown.
you’ve been here before
this aching dull pain in your
heart is nothing new.
although i know it’s quite
an unfortunate feeling
to get used to.
find the inner strength
to pull out useless memories
as if they are damaged weeds.
suga can’t you realize
that it is you every man needs.
wash your body of his touch.
clear your mind of his voice.
a fresh start is what you need,
i don’t think that’s
asking for too much.
they play you like a doll.
they take you as a fool.
celebrate with their boys every time they score a touchdown,
it isn’t easy
letting someone into your garden
free of charge.
for odd reasons they find the
“hit it and quit it” method
to be cool.
now now do not be too hard
on yourself
my sweet, sweet girl.
like any good person
you gave him the benefit
of the doubt.
you didn’t expect him to leave you wounded,
manipulated,
and lied to.
i would think no one ever assumed so suddenly
he would be up and out.
even your momma loved him.
oh boy, what to say to momma.
will she be disappointed?
will it break her heart?
or will she simply reply
“i knew he was no good
for you child, yes indeed
i knew it from the very start.”
it’s his loss
and yes that saying
is rather cliche.
but you are going to be
an extraordinary wife
and a remarkable mother one day.
do not sulk.
do not cry.
do not sit in bed at 3 in the mornin’
asking the good lord
“why?”
you must take each day
at a time queen.
no, do not shout
“****** ain’t ****”
for there is no logical reason
to be mean.
take as much time as you need
for yourself.
do not change your heart
or the beautiful person you are.
what happened to you can be
deeply hidden.
you smile on the outside
what remains on that
fragile little heart
is a scar.
keep being that positive,
outgoing,
goofy but flawed woman.
stay focused,
keep your priorities aligned.
the one who puts others before herself, the one who is thankful for the life God has blessed her with,
the one who is sensible,
understanding and kind.
now i hope you’ve gained
something from these words,
at least one or two.
and before you go
have i mentioned my dear,
never let a man tell you
what you can & cannot do.

- d.berry