black in my mind,
darkness in sight,
i've long gone blind.

to me you were bright,
beautiful, unrefined.
harsh, but always kind.

we laughed together,
like two birds sharing the same feather.
what a tragedy, majesty displayed,
every time we flew, never in fair weather.

i love to scar,
with a heart too soft,
and lost thoughts too far-off.
on ripped paper,
i think too endlessly.
with a mind bursting at the seams,
longing for a heart full of gold,
to rip me from my daydreams.
to open my view, to see,
with eyes far too cold,
to see anything we could've been.

woke up ill,
almost hope it's terminal.
that's probably a sign.
find the bathroom door,
rummage through the messy medicine drawer,
there's four blue, but only one white pill more,
no luck this time, i need a refill.
i'll head to the store.
the walk's uphill.
typical.

I remember sitting with my legs crossed
at an empty parking lot with you.
Burning our lungs,
sharing our deepest secrets at 3am
while I rest my head
on your shoulder that cold summer night.
I sang along our favorite songs
and you wished that time stopped
so we could still be together.

But alas,

You are still too damaged.
You think too much.
You are too practical.
You are not yet ready for anything.

And I’m left confused
and angry
and frustrated
and a little bit hurt, I guess.

So here we are again,
so here we go again.

Who would have thought
that we would actually
burn even faster
than our cigarettes?

                                                    ­                        
 — apbq

i want to take you to a babbling creek.
to play hopscotch on lily pads,
and maybe dance through cattails,
to forget what makes us sad.