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Ottar Apr 2014
words,
said too often,
heard too loudly,
new meanings,
new beginnings,
each generation,
a language unto
itself,
shelves of books,
books by the hundreds,
in one hand,
words by the millions,
stored,
absorbed?,
where to go from here,
what will be the next thing
to bring literacy,
to everyone,
a language
to be read,
their voice
to be heard,
listening
skills
in demand
as much as
reading,
bleeding sounds,
spoken verse,
rehearse and
memorize,
despise money
put to war,
when there are;
those not fed,
those without a bed,
those who cannot,
read a single sound,
if you are looking for
me,
if you want to put a name
to my face,
you will find me, in
the spaces, the spaces,
between these and many
other words,
find me in the spaces,
see my face,
share your gifts,
may it be then,
returned to you
unexpected.
Words of
gratitiude.
Ottar Mar 2014
pieces of flotsam
soak and float on the paper,
jetsam thrown to lighten
the load,
or goad,
the alligator, away
the guttural noises, sound like harsh
commentary the closer the
gator
is allowed to get,
not wanting to look over the shoulder,
but stop in for biting remarks,
the gator's teeth are so large and famous
they have names and voices;
"punctuation or punctures, I can help"

"point of view tch, tch, tch"
                                                            ­            
"your grammar needs work"

"doubt you will finish"

"no one will read IT"

"you will never find the right word"

"is your audience a six year old"

"borrrrring"

"what a croc"

"are you enjoying what you are doing?"

"successful writers are all published"

"you call that a sentence, keep it up and it will be a death sentence "

"how many tenses can you misuse in a paragraph"

and these are the names of some of the smaller teeth,
the molars, are more than a mouthful,
have polar names, that would leave anyone cold,
                                                      even the bold,
and shall not be put in print,
they bring out the PTSD,
imprinted for eternity, by
the gator which
comes at the sounds
of splashing, flailing, and failing,
as the pounding of the heart,
the deepened breathing,
as the ink from
the pen, unfiltered,
leaves nerves and veins exposed,
while leaving to find home, a safe haven, a storybook ending,
away from the gator's keen sense of
overt criticism, intended to gut,
and eviscerate, cutting remarks,
putdowns to hold down and under,
the piece that IT is trying to tear off
while spinning or shaking the head
side to side, which is both NO!
and to bash the will, the self-esteem, into little pieces
of me...
            and my worst enemy,
                                                my internal, infernal editor,
                                                         ­                                     with the voracious appetite for self-def**eating
Meet My Internal Editor - ddaarrrreellll Alli the Gator,
why the double letters,
double duty - writer and editor,
double talk -
double the amount of time to getting anything done,
doubly mean spirited
Ottar Feb 2014
a moment of time,
a glance, just enough light,
a thought
a breath exhanged,
                              between two,
is there reason
is this right
a doubt
a day rearranged,
                            who knew?
so close to perfection
so choose a direction
so lose yourself
so much to lose,
                          all in the passion for poetry,
add words,
out loud sounds,
go for the prose,
rhymes, found reason up above,
add movement and it becomes sublime,

don't let it end
don't make it end,
hold on, go beyond the status quo,
let go of the present state of affairs,

in debt to life,
in debted to my wife,
in *******, not free,
what is it that cages me,

the walls, I built
the stalling, the years
it is appalling, all under fear

                                              of failure.
don't be shy
annunciate,
give life a try,
read out loud,
to yourself or the crowd,
climb the mountainous ampitheatre,
is that fear, the smell or some other fetor,
how does a relationship resemble barbed wire?

walk in the forest, among the tall trees, the moss is
soft as you fall to your knees, humbled by what?, Child,
they will find you, you are not lost,
they will find you at all costs, you may not know
where in life you are, where you fit, what is you purpose
this is it,
write, write, write
draw ink it is the blood that pours out
taking poison with it like rain down a downspout,
you are not in the gutter
that is for the utter guise, who mock while copying
your imperfections
that make you human,
some have given you up,
some have written you off,
some have written down,
                                         but they did not expect
                                           to find such marrow in
                                             those bones,
                                               such beautiful bones,
                                                 no one owns but you,
                                                     so write down to the bones
                                                         use that marrow for ink,
                                                            ­ stand in the shadows of
                                                              ­   the giants you fear,
                                                           ­          in a voice that trembles
                                                        ­               with emotions, sound the
                                                             ­              words that roll like thunder
use words like swords and weigh them
with your muscled tongue,
and those who listen, those who read
will get your meaning...and sorrow that
they did not write with
                              passion, fire, touch, taste,
there is no down, your words are kindling
to start the pyre,
that will cremate the self you left behind.
Phoenix Rise!
To Write.



©DWE022014
not sure where this came from...one of the doors frome the corner of my mind I am not allowed to talk about I guess.
To real to be surreal
Ottar Feb 2013
Where my heart should be, there is an ache or a pain,
Yes that physical geography, I shrug with vague disdain,
I thought that had turned to stone oh so long ago.

My eyes well with tears, I feel emotions and I am glad,
But it is my fears, that want to stop the drumbeat so bad,
I had hoped for longer to get it right, or left, of centre.

Years became months and they turned to weeks, then days,
For excitement a walk amongst the freaks but the mundane won't go away,
Finally realizing I was the main attraction, the reason they showed up.

Busking my talent, to take risks, to make it rich, to feel alive,
What they threw was pennies, and insults, I barely survived,
But no one threw the one thing I needed most, something real.

An honest healthy heart, that beats a steady sound,
That is strong and fair and built to sincerely care, pound-pound,
Wires are getting crossed, on emotional waves I am tossed.

A short circuit in a bilge pump, thump sputter thump,
Water instead of blood finds a way through my rooted stump,
of a body full of remorse for the course my life has run.

There is no race for which I am fit, I plead no contest,
I would not pass any test, if I was allowed to write my best,
Down so low, found in the bottom of a heel print in the snow.

Yet, I have hope, I have a yearning to throw words down, and
with my voice lift their sounds to echo 'round, breathing air,
forcing sound to get my blood to break past clogs.

Yet, I will write, and live to write another day,
Whether it is by resuscitation, or heart-healthy habits stay
the course, spew the filth, to find a measure of peaceful treasure.

Writing in the moment.


©DWE022013
Ottar Apr 2013
I am going to a vacation resort,
                                           of a sort,
    all inclusive, no cost, it is free.
you see it is like this;
The only rating Stars are the ones I did see,
when the blood pressure goes up, yipee.

It is only for adrenaline junkies,
your heart will pound and race,
       you may get red in the face,
your breath will come in gasps,
                 fall short or be a raspy,
                        sounds like f'n fun.

I may laugh, I may cry,
My mind will be distracted
       (a comment redacted)
or even at a stand still.

I won't be able to think at all.
I only bought one ticket,
                      at the wicket,
The agent said I have a lifetime of reservations,
more than he knew,
won't be my last trip,
they are holding my next fares, looking for
available dates,
sorry you can't join me, they meant the calendar kind.

Besides,
it is my secret hideaway,
and mine alone,
there is a whole industry built around me, myself and I.
The place well it is well named, the village of An,Xiety.
                                                       ­                        population 1.

Oh, I heard there might be an opening at a place nearby,
                                             a little bigger, the town of Wor,Ry.
I break into a cold sweat thinking  we might be on vacation,
so close together!
I just had one of these and it was like a game of frozen tag, but I hadn't been tagged yet.
Mind would not move, body was stopped, glad I wasn't in traffic etc.
No offence to anyone who goes through this more often than I, you are, very courageous.
Ottar Apr 2013
Lazy sunny summer afternoon,
in the hilltop meadow, clouds and balloons,
                                                       ­                              floating while
bees milking flowers for dusty blonde pollen,
butterflies joust with dragonflies for honour fallen,
Children run while those balloons trail nonchalant
                                                      ­                              with invisible string,
Air so fresh, there is no stress, all very Utopian,
Why has it been so long since, I dreamed this quixotic?
Time to get up, already?
Ottar Feb 2014
daredevil diving
base human conditon
adrenaline addiction
base jumping

girl in a gondola busted,
sliding door bungy corded
open
her face is clear her future too
nah na nah na boo boo

gondola a platform not,
camera captures his first and
only step,
it was a long one,
plummeted until he pulled the ripcord

eyes turn skyward
as the images seesaw,
his excitement
floats his boat,
while the cold air
gives lift to this dare
devil and the parchute he wears

but alas he lands, they joy ends,
once he is busted there will two
court dates, and besides he courted
disaster
reality of a trial will
bring
him
to
earth
faster.


©DWE022014
Neither for nor against, I don't have a fear of heights and nor
do I own a parachute, so to me the whole idea is "baseless"
you
Ottar Feb 2015
you
you're the young poet with old poetry;
            the old poet with youthful energy,
            the poet all aspire to reflect to be,
you're the poetry found under every rock,
over-
turned
amongst the gritty hard packed dirt of life,
and wet earthen scent, that hold secrets and
the tangled tiny trail of invisible insects steps,
walked on,
*******-
tight, a rope
of guttaral sounds, leaves your fingertips,
sure to express, hurt to joy, of unuttered pains,
that some shrug off as skin thickening lacquer
poured on hot, caught with your guard
down
and
bare
blue sky with a ball of molten ***** flesh pounding in a chest
the discarded remnant, that lost a voice as those around, wore deaf ears
the sensuous flesh that shivered at the touch of perfect sounds
breathed along your curves with warmth that lifted condensations'
crescendo
to fill the
sky, fingers
and hands
balling clouds
like sheets on
your bed
you're the poetry that will save the Earth and the people in it,
             the poetry that will burn when slammed back fast,
             the poet which carves word layers of life, off your thick skin,
             the poet who writes new words on again, translucent,
you're not the one we have been waiting for,
you have been here all along...twelve...ohh...one
No individual poet was the inspiration for this, no poet was made an example of, nor is this a job description, pure enjoyment of writing from both the dark(ness) and (en)lightened sides of my brain.
Ottar Jun 2014
You and the new world,
Spices and flavors,
Never before tasted,
Never before seen,
Up close and uncharted,
Hidden shoals, sure to scuttle a ship,
Curvacious coastline, with dark water bays,
While eyes daydream beyond inland heights in sight, yet
To anchor and rest, from the test,
That both life and ocean travel,
Divest,
The spirit of a sailor,
Who fears returning from the sea,
Unemployed,
Toyed with, as he sits or stands on dry land,
The new world and you, cries out to the explorer in me,
Not a voyage of conquest,
But a journey of discovery,
Where everyday would be a new and exciting adventure,
But no ship has yet been built for this passage,
As time ravages, both the day and the night,
Always chasing dreams
Being startled awake,
By the shifting tide, moon driven,
As the suns' rise blinds the eyes
On every misty morning,
All in white envelopes,
No ship to sail into the unknown,
The reams of dreams from the night before
Held out of sight offshore,
Out of reach
Of memory,
Of you and the new world,
No flag unfurled,
No banner to be raised,
The riches that lay, so far away,
Are not treasures, but to be treasured,
Want not to be owned, rather unfettered,
Explored, in adoration,
At the mercy of your deep wilderness,
The new world in you
A mystery, calling my name from the tide pools,
Such as life and...
Liberty, and love ...and for....
Ottar Mar 2013
Alone I sit in this chair, it creaks from everywhere, I sit and stare,
At what is staring back at me, a white bright screen that,  
It is not your face, I love your face, your eyes your hair
We are not in the same room, or on the same couch or chair
My computer is black like doom,
To me, with out you,
Why can't I take it and go there?
With out you, to me, I might despair,
Doom is like my black computer,
The same room we are not in, you and I
Face it I love you, face it is not you, it is my reflection,
What is staring back at me, not the thing I want to see
I stare, as in this creaking chair, I sit alone everywhere
I can't take it! There to you, I go, wait!
May be too risky but not riske
Ottar Dec 2014
"Hit me"a violent gesture,
                  an act of pleasure,
a gambler's term,
A Seed of the Worm,
Wooden heart as well,
after all who is responsible for,
Hello's and goodbye's
Halo's and no-reply emails,
as it costs more at the pace of snail,
what do you pay, what fair market price,
for that part of you,
                                    that was preserved by sacrifice,
it has beauty no human eye has seen,
it is ageless,
                     but is it more than junk jewelry, worn
when you are worn out,
                    but what about the tom foolery, torn
in strips, down to your marrow, but
R e m e m b e r
He loves you and keeps His eye on the sparrow,
and if that don't mean Jack,
then we are back to you and to Him.
Oceans and Time, but no black pearl,
set sail, hit the open water, life is off your stern,
the bow may cut, where the wind blows...
there are the storms of life but,
"I know the master of the wind...."
Ottar Oct 2014
mystery of a breath,
an exchange,
my eyes look to where,
yours would be,
your fragrance easily
intoxicates me,
in the lonely darkness,
another mystery
Ottar Apr 2014
Remember as a child

            running wild,

into the street, it

was safe to do, once

a look in both directions,

     it was true.

Remember as a teen

           running lean,

with a heart pounding

in that chest, bounding

to make a play

to win the day.

Remember as an adult

              trying to vault,

in a friendly game

of pick-up ball,

regretting it the

moment you began to fall.

Remember as you age,

and you get to the last page

of the story you wrote,

it was real,

it had heart,

you got to

play the best

part, you.
Ottar Mar 2014
the air falls and lifts,
contained in the wind,
there is no warmth tonight,
it reminds me...
of another time
of another place
when all the world fell and was lifted
swept up in the winds of war,
there was no warmth
but the drops both clear and opaque
a drop of time and drops of tears
drops of blood and many fears
do not look to the past,
be a student of history, lesson learned,
look to the East, for there stands
a selfish beast, pounding with clay fists
his fake chest, so armed to the teeth,
ready to spit bullets to spell P E A C E
so the orchestra plays
the piece conducted by a man, put in
charge,                                                      ­         too bad he reads the times as
                                                              ­             well as he does english,
the cast of our play
has been selected,
they all know their lines,
the music has been chosen,
the ground is still frozen
like some hearts,
and the audience who has not paid the
price of those it is about, is watching
the ochestra pit, where a verbal fight
has broken out, just the way the conductor
knew it would,
his baton beats, the air as it falls and lifts,
to contain the wind,
he smiles, as those watching hold their breath
wondering, what he will do next...



©DWE032014
Left margin best applies, hear!
Ottar Oct 2013
time spent, not wasted,
      out of doors tasted
     some experiences priceless,
are better
away from anything wireless
on any sunny day,
a light breeze plays,
with the leaves,
all for one and one for all
it is a free-for-fall until ... you
take a wee one for a walk
in the woods, on a path,
over a bridge and along
a stream.

What a dreamy day it was,
the crunch of leaves under-
foot, the oooohs and aaaaahs,
and various descriptors,
in a language I long forgot,
that of a fifteen month old
pink coated naturalist,
who points with fingers
                   or her fist,
who squats down to
study the million leaves
in reach, looking for the
one that needs the most help
          or a kiss to feel better,
God, You sure make beautiful
weather and a passing grade on granddaughters!
(said with tongue and cheek as she can touch more leaves
than I can take away....)

Up hill and down, by the creek and away,
up by the hairy animals that make her say,
woof-woof in mockery as they guard
                                  the yard
with the chain ink fence
then finally we turn for home
where every pole and tree within
in reach has to be touched like
it has the magical powers of a garden gnome
(let me guess, you have never heard that before)

the wind and rush of traffic at our
back as we spent the walk, not wasting
any time, for she will never be
this
young again.                       Nor will I.
Ottar Jan 2013
Every journal I own is filled with invisible ink, waiting.
Waiting like Chuck Norris, for the action of writing!

The words are all there, written with care,
no shadows or mirrors, neither does Chuck
Norris need shadows OR mirrors.

He and the inked pages, are invisible , to the naked
eye, waiting for action.  The action of putting a pen
to those words is like Chuck Norris springing across
the room or words spilling across the blank page!

Inevitable and exciting, but first a disclaimer,
so if you continue to read, as the author or poet,
I, cannot guarantee that your senses will not be
assaulted, though your imagination will be tested.

In the end who will be left standing, who will be bested
Chuck Norris or you?
Something from the lighter side, instead of the dark side.
Ottar Apr 2015
you rubbed the
grey worry stones
over and over,
that were found in the Chest,

                                        treasured or pandora's box, what else was inside?

patiently losing
kind parts
of your fingers,
massaging

                                     with printless tips, losing all identity, such sacrifice!

the still stones
hard with worry,
until the worry
fell away,
           landing and curling
           like shavings a
            Carpenter's work
           would leave  behind,

and the stones
began to look
like red and
soften up some

you took it in stride, no pride or boasting, no scolding no holding it over my head,

                                                          ­                    
you never faltered,
you went and
stood silently,
watching me
tire each day
from my new
and advent-
urous ways,

behind me to
remind me
there was safe-
ty in your arms,

                                                          ­                        tall tales told of night time fictional conquests, lies about lying with strangers!

the pink flesh
you wore, never
turned green
knowing we would
find each
other
every
night

                                              
till dawn
              and morning
                                   light glinted
                                                       of your hair,
                                                                ­           your smile,
adding colour to the design?
Ottar Jun 2013
your heart, I wish I could see it laid out before me,
like when I watch a cellist play their part beautifully,
wood and sinew, bow and flesh,
                                         enmesh,
in a dance, where notes fall like a wash of tears,
which run down, laughing so hard at the sadness,
     as notes ascend and descend.
          the chest rises and falls,
              and all I want to see, in truth, is your heart,
                 the cello braced for news good or bad that
                    you are about to share, but not your heart,
                      please don't play me for a fool, I'm not an
                        instrument too, that you have found boxy,
                          and poorly made with materials that age fades,
                            what will you do, when I can no longer hold
my tune?
your heart, I need to see the path you are going to walk,
so we can go side by side, no secrets, our touch is real, with
no distance, so we can in whispered voices, talk, not like the
bow that makes those strings sing, or the pressure of those
fingers to get the notes just so, no...

Like the notes on the aged sheet music, the dark spots and lines
now fade, here and there but remember, the music we once moved
to, now moves us in our memories, treasured and measured beats,
your heart has shaped them, whole notes have become half notes and changed my life...
                                                        n­ow reveal to me will we ever share a destiny?
there was a beautiful girl long ago and her name was *your heart*
for as nice as she was, as beautiful as she was, as strong as she was, she would be broken.
And "Your heart will be where your treasure is."  Luke 12:34
Ottar Jul 2014
Guard your heart, child
Not the pumping, ******
thing in your chest, that
never rests even when
You Sleep, it is at rest
too.

Guard your heart child,
the engine that drives desires
to inspire daydreams,
to climb stormy mountains,
rough and rugged, as you are
tough.

guard your heart child,
the fire, unquenchable,
desire, let it stand as a shield,
between the wolves and wilder-
ness, the dark shadows, a
test.

guard your heart child,
for time is a traitor,
who is the narrator,
of your story to tell,
like dandelion clocks,
on the wind.
Ottar Mar 2013
You say, "Time erases all to dust,
                 Water turns all to rust."
"You are wrong" I say.
You say, "Time will one day dissipate
                   even the sun, bacteria in the
                  water turns all to rust."
"You are wrong today and always," I say.

You say, "What are you going on about?"
I notice your lip tremble as you weaken
with doubt.
"I am not going to riddle or ridicule you, "I say.
You say," Then what is your arguing about?"
"Water can rust only metal or wash away stuff,
there is no rust on plastic or glass or wood," I say.

You say, "Okay, you may have a point, but ...", you
pause in thought, then go on, " more than rust,
oxidization happens to all!"
"Generalizations are weak with holes," I say and then
"God will end it all when He calls all home."
I say as well.
You say nothing, thinking looking up at the sky.
"He is time, He is love, He is near more than above,
He cleanses with water and turns it into wine, He is
the Divine." I say.
You say," Fine, I know this too, but everything."
"In the beginning God,.." I say.

With that we say no more but run off to grab our hockey
sticks, "I'll be Parent, you'll be Orr," I say.
You say, "He shoots, he scores."
"Let's play some more," I say, "we will be called in for dinner soon,
we don't have much time left before the sun sets and leaves us in
shadow with the lights on the street."
You say, "We would play till dawn, if they let us."
"You are right as always, " I say to make sure I get in the last word.

©DWE032013
A conversation among two friends, long ago.
Ottar Mar 2015
working dirt, like it is easy
container garden on a balcony
planting so soon
to the tune of "No Frost Tonight"

except in the reception

of the signal of working
with dirt, nothing more
wholesome to measure
worth, there's only room
for one in the ***, me
or the dirt,

the perfect camoflage
to lay about the outdoor spaces
hiding in the open, hoping
what is buried there
is all of the past
and its many faces
Digging a hole, looking for a ladder to crawl into IT and leave whole...
Ottar Dec 2013
No challenge,
you can't manage,
No sphere,
you can't influence,
No season,
you won't want,
but one that leaves fall, on you and your discontent,
you want, but won't
enjoy flakes, whether they fall on you from the sky or accost you in the street,
you won't, but the want
of not getting malled(not mauled),
while you shop till you drop, and to be revived by mulled wine,(or is it whine)
the days are shorter,
sunlight is on back order,
nights as dark as Mordor itself,
days as short as a short story,
and takes as long as that to read,
but observe, observe
you won't miss a thing,
take it out to the world,
where the details is king,
devilish eh?,
write it down what you see,
then describe it so when we read,
you will not have been alone,
we were with you all along,
you won't,
I know,
like this
you won't.


©DWE122013
But I might!
Ottar Apr 2014
I taste the sting of the drink in my hand,
but I can't taste your poison, anymore,
I can feel the strength in my hand,
but I can't feel your hand squeezing painfully anymore,
I smell the clear air through the open windows,
but I can't escape your suffocation, memories of my past,
I hear the birds and the wind,
but I can't hear your not stop negative natter and chatter,
I see blue sky and cotton clouds, with drops of rain,
but I don't see black and blue bruises, cotton gauze bandages and tear streaked lines of mascara clowning down my face,
ever again.
For a friend of a friend who was able to get out of an abusive relationship
Ottar Feb 2015
Rain drop rings, placed in puddles,
At the perfect place, and the perfect muddle
of time.

Beg the universe, to take charge put things,
In order, while the border of sanity, blurs a
vision of double. Losing it, feeling buried.

A double life, a day job, with no potential,
and spare time, where piranhas tears pieces
of time and me away. No time no need to worry.

Tenderness, is not ready to receive, what
is left, if it be known, if it be shown,
if it be seen, who is the master of the wind,
take flight.

Put up a kite, wait while flies, feel the tension,
and let it go, a kite tail may save a life.

— The End —