They asked me what happened. They asked me what went wrong. For a long time I wondered the exact same thing. Where did everything go so wrong? Lots of things went wrong in the passing time of our breaking love. But the truth? The very painful truth to our final collapse is this: I could no longer stand by and watch him slowly **** himself while we both pretended that nothing was wrong. Every morning that we woke up, I woke up beside someone who was wishing that they didn't, and it ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it onto the floor while the sun streamed through the windows. Watching him be unhappy was the hardest thing I ever had to do because into my eyes he could admit he wanted to die, and still walk away and refuse to do anything about it. Some people may disagree with my choice to leave him. He certainly did. Abandonment is what he called it. However, I put my everything into trying to mend his broken heart, while in the process I was ruining mine. I would not let us both be broken. God, did I ever love him so much that it almost killed me. You can say that I did a lot of things, but abandoning was not one of those things. I couldn't wake up one more morning holding my breath hoping that he was still breathing.

Chloe Elizabeth

the hardest part was realizing I still loved you. I spent months washing you out with bottles of whisky and could still taste your chapstick on my tongue. somehow the burning in my throat wasn't the liquor but it was your name reaching for a way out. maybe it came from the way that I noticed your socks weren't matching and your eyes were dark with circles again. it never made sense to me, you never made sense to me. I could go days without a smoke but the second I heard your name I was half way through a dart that smelt just like you. no matter how many packs I bought each smelled more and more like you than the last, the sweet pine you carried so ******* well. I tried sleeping with my socks on but couldn't bare it. you couldn't stand your socks on. I couldn't stand to ******* breathe because it kept reminding me of the soft hum that leaves your chest when you're asleep. you were my second love but my first real love and I can't get away from you. you're in every ******* light bulb and coffee mug, how am I supposed to move on when you won't let me stop loving you in the first place? I've found you in every new lover I've tried out and maybe that's why each night is more lonely than the last. you have her open legs and I have an open casket but we always knew you had a thing for a quick fix.