in my dreams i see you sometimes
i am next to you and your eyes
are not sad
they just smile the way i saw them smiling
only a few times

when i look in the mirror
i hear your voice saying there was beauty in my
smile and in my big blue eyes
i was a little girl then
and many years have gone
and you have gone with them
but
i still remember your hugs
though it feels like decades since i was last in your arms
and your voice still echoes in my brain
i remember the last time we spoke you told me
to not cry,
to be strong
and i am trying to be.
i am.

i pretend that i am.

i see you in my dreams sometimes
and i am again a 6 years old little girl
running to you
when you open the front door
and waking up realising
i will see your face no more
it's the most painful story
and i cry sometimes
but you are not here
to open any door
and i am not 6 years old any more
and there's no beauty
in  my big blue crying eyes.

you left and took away your voice,
your dancing,
your bright face
your warm arms
and your kind eyes,
i am left only with a picture
i keep inside a box
behind the front door of my heart
and i want to go back,
to be your little girl again
and i know i'll never get to tell you
that I don't want to pretend any more
and I want you to tell me
that it's okay if i am not always strong
that it's okay to cry.

in many lines i have tried to write you
but i always do it the wrong way
and it seems impossible to describe
how much i miss you
and i need you
and
how much
i love you.

In the water, some tears erased
below the surface, they slip away
only a watery grave of what used to be
a mirage, a vision of possibility
a looking glass, this moon-green sea.

Verily we are suspended
to one another invisibly threaded
gold spun, finely woven
we breathe the air of summer
silken petaled, softly subtle
through these woods treading sun dappled
we come to rest, in a rosy heaven
lose the world of whirling much too fast
to gain the moment, lose the future and the past.

i hope  she thinks of you
when the sun shines
in her morning window
and when the moon is full at night
i hope is your face what comes to her mind

when beautiful songs play on the radio
i hope she wants to share them with you
cause i know music is like therapy to you

i hope she thinks of you
before closing her eyes at night
and in her dreams she kisses you
a billion times
i hope she smiles at your picture in b&w;
that she sees all the beauty you carry
inside,
outside.

i hope she talks with you
and she wonders if you're feeling all right
if you had lunch
if you sleep enough
if you rest at night
i hope she asks you about your fears
and dreams
i hope she's there for you
when pain hits you the worst.

i hope she doesn't hurt you.

i hope she gives you the happiness
i could never bring to you
i hope she cares about you
at least as much
as i do.

i hope she loves you

December's child
with fire you were forged
your eyes are liquid amber poured
always I dream to kiss
your perfect lips divinely cast
the sweetness of your breath
the warmth that moves across my flesh
your hands and arms are sculpted bronze museum art
indelibly in mind when you are far
the hot of your delicious mouth
traveling gently, slowly south.

In this desert
I touch the ocean within,
here where I abandon all plans,
I spend hours watching cloud formations
of flowers blooming violet, red.
I travel to the sanctuary of the soul
each morning, sit silent
at the altar of dawn.

Sometimes I feel like a puzzle piece
Looking for the perfect spot
But actually finding a connection
Is harder than I would have thought

Sometimes I find a section
That looks exactly like my hue
But our edges just won't match up
And I have to begin my search anew

I recently thought I found my place
Where everything seemed to fit
Together we'd be a work of art
I thought this was finally it

But once we started to get closer
I noticed that something was wrong
Our pieces wouldn't fit together
And I once again would not belong

I didn't want to search anymore
After the years of frustration
So I came to the conclusion
It was time for an alteration

There were pieces of myself
I thought I could afford to lose
So I began hacking at my edges
And changing some of my views

Even with the changes though
We could never be a match
I couldn't become the proper shape
For us to be able to attach

But as I turned to leave
It occurred to me what I'd done
I'd altered myself forever
And might not ever fit anyone

My once perfectly smooth edges
Were now ugly and uneven
And so I left it all behind
Thinking I had nothing to believe in  

While I wandered around the world
Feeling helpless and alone
I soon discovered a brand new place
Called the crooked puzzle zone

It was a city full of misfits
Who thought they'd never find their place
They were all so friendly and welcoming
Of my broken, tattered face

Together we still make beautiful art
It's just a little more abstract
And though we don't have our "perfect pairs"
We can still happily interact.

So whenever you're feeling down
And life has made you weary
Remember the world is full of puzzles
And every piece is necessary

I know it's hard to touch the clouds
when memories
hold you down
I know you cry a lot inside
when no one is
around
I know it is hard to wake up
sometimes
when breathing cuts so deep.

and the birds, they sing
but
you cannot hear
and the sun, it shines
but
you cannot see
and there's a lot of warmth around
but
you cannot feel.

I know it feels so hard
to live
with so many scars

but

light will shine and you will
see
and birds will sing and
you will hear

It's just a dark path
you have to walk
and I will be there
to walk along
don't hold your breath
don't give up yet
just
keep your hope
and you'll find one day
that you can fly again
for you deserve
the highest clouds
the purest air
the deepest love.

and I'll be here for you,
you, dear soul,
the sweetest lyric
of them all.