Last night drinking
cherry cured 'shine
from Tennessee
I caught the moon
flinching behind
a tree like a white
flower afraid to be
cut from its dark stalk
whereas in the spring
when I'm sober
it grows outside my
window before daylight
when moths come
and die gently while
I lie here listening
to their silent soft wings
dreaming of bleeding
in my sleep and find
no trace of a wound
aching in the harsh red cut
of another day breaking.

A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.

Is
Falling in love
With your place in the world.

Sitting,
Hiding,
In plain sight,
A mask covering my face,
The mask just below most's pool of thought.
Who am I to say
That I'm the only one
Drowning,
Struggling for breath past
Thick lies the world tell me?
Lies I believe--
Ones I tell myself.

Yet most never wonder.
Don't care that others cut,
Find escape in the pain from the shame.
I find release in this.
Most never wonder.
Dancing on their merry way,
Damning those who are called depressed,
"No consequence for us, why care?"

Ones like me,
Masks of smiles, masking pain,
The ones who were taught to believe
They were never worth loving.

Why?
Why believe the lies they tell you,
Ones that you tell yourself?

You are better than they,
If only because you understand.

His rejection still sits there
Crouched
In the back of my mind.
Even though it's been so long,
So long that I thought I moved on,
I still can't let anyone get that close to me.
I can't be open…
It hurts too much.
Too much to wish and hope
That someone may actually care about me
After I let them in.
And letting them in--
I know they will leave
Once they see the broken and
Ugly inside of me.
It isn't a good thing for me to fall in love
Cause I've never been loved back.

Just give him a chance
Start slow
*To let him see the real person and beauty beneith

Drown out my own thoughts
With music and pain--
I can't stand myself.
Being the monster inside of my head
Has changed my perspective.

Never was I kind, good, beautiful.
Selfish-- yes.
How could I expect to be anything else?
Ugly to the core,
Scared of what others thought of me.
I needn't to...
They never thought of me.

I was only a pretty face to talk to
When everyone else was missing.
Never belonging anywhere,
Absorbed by the background,
Hiding from my memories,
The happy ones that could take me from this misery,
But those things happened too long ago to

Help.

I need you,
My mind is screaming,
The monster is winning,
I am becoming nothing but
Dust.

The emptiness is growing...
...but I don't want to admit it.
I'm not fine.
I want to tell you,
Need to talk to you,
But I have no words.
When they come,
                                                           ­                                             I am long gone.