Guilt flows inside my veins,
beating blood to the chase
The same blood that my aching heart,
attempts to pump into purity

I don’t know its exact color
but it seems to chameleon its way into every situation
coloring every emotion a shade darker

I scrunch my eyebrows in pain
Letting each line of my shapely frown
Convince the world that I have been punished enough

But this guilt is hungry for more
It craves justification
and in its absence.
it invites obsession for dinner

They sit together and  feast on my insecurity
Which declares that I’m a bad person
The knife of self-awareness stands in defense
but ends up cutting itself out of the plate

Drooling over my meaty anxiety
sit guilt and obsession in union
seasoning it with my lonely tears
Making it a perfect dish of well-done misery

I want to send them home starving
But habit has been taught how to be hospitable
but it’s my growth that ends up cleaning their ***** dishes

Their stay costs a small amount
And so they decide to extend
But I stand holding my thoughts on a silver tray
Hoping they forget to tip, and go away

When will I be able to see things for the way they are?
I don’t want to drive through a fog of irrational beliefs
But that **** guilt blocks all other roads
which seem to lead to change

Truth is a flawed concept they say,
as everyone has their own version
But I need some honesty from you,
You, my present
because you fail to talk to me, cry with me, dance with me
You, my present, stand me up, every time
and I end up in the arms of my past

It holds me tighter than you have ever even tried
and it buys me drinks, drinks of regret
I try and sip them slowly,
But waiting on you, I get drunk

I’ve left you so many messages, and maybe your address has changed

but you, my present
Answer me please, don’t you want some happy?