As gentle as I go into the night
It is not good
And whence I return from such a depth
Cast off and abandoned from all I foolishly hold dear
Everything next to my heart is ripped away
Leaving me to be bound in agony
For all that is good is tangible
Still I cannot touch it
And all that has worth is so quickly spent out on fools and folly alike

She is a dream
And a fool all at once
Bound to the same stars as many souls before her
Like rockets set into space her mind wanders
And such as the sun shines so is she light
But there is more inside her than has been felt in the whole world
Compact and thoughtful
Overflowing and lacking all at once

He is a nightmare and a dragon
Breathing fire and flame to the wick of a candle soul
He is bitter and salty, a handful of the bottom of the ocean
You could drink and drink and your thirst never be quenched,
but you savor the taste in your mouth and you dare not spit it out
Just a kiss, to save the world
Just a hand, to lift up the sky
Just a heart to beat again, if you can find it bound within your chest
A mystery is this; if such a thing still remains
To long it has been left cold
To long, to long

Still the night calls
The twinkle of the stars enticing Though who can touch the celestials
Gentle she calls and gentle she is
Though strength has not abandoned her

I do not know what restful sleep is

I have to many memories that dance through my hair like little devils and climb into my ears to stab away at my mind during the quiet of the night when the moon is full

The radiance of the light shines into the sockets of my head and into the hollows of my heart, only to cast shadows in an empty cage that has grown cold in the absence of light

When I am awake my mind is like a pencil with nothing to put to paper only scratches of graphite so vain in there writing, so I do not know that as quickly as the sun sets a waterfall of feelings floods through my veins and bleeds onto the wallpaper in my head and down the walls

The tossing and the turning that my body does, a marathon of running, to get away from all that is chasing me and trying to peg me to a board of doubts and dreams, a torture rack of sorts

But, when I sleep next to you and my eyes pop open in the middle of the night and my hands shake with anxiety, when I turn over in the darkness and feel your body next to me, I have something to cling to besides the darkness eating away at me, just a little bit of light to get through the cracks in my facade

So I can close my eyes again, take a breath and sleep, and know that everything will be okay

I miss our grocery store kisses
I miss your wandering hands
The butterflies in my stomach are hibernating
Now that you are gone

I begin to pull away
Like a hand from the heat of a stove
Afraid of getting burned
It's not you
It's my past creeping into my mind
Grabbing the reigns
Even though I put the cart before the horse
So pull me back from the edge

I want to run
Want to jump
But it's to late to turn back

I want you
I want to be with you
Why am I like this

A fool
And a foolish one at that

This may be an unwelcome opinion
But
I hope you are proud of yourself, proud of your personality, proud of who you are, proud of what you've been through even if you don't like the way you went through it
And if you aren't, if you are ashamed, then I hope you have the guts to change it

Because you deserve to love yourself

your memory smells like ginger and my favorite cotton t-shirt and kisses on the third day of spring