I don’t know if I’m that good at convincing my loved ones that I’m ok.
Or if they simply don’t care as much as they say they do.

They say
Denial is the first stage of grief
I think I'm going through it.
I still can't believe that
You are gone,
Just like that, Nana.
Growing up,
I have never known a home
That didn't have you.

I can't believe
that the next time I return
You won't be there,
Waiting for me
In your usual arm chair,
With a cherubic smile on your face,
When you see your granddaughter.

The last time I came home,
I was so afraid
of how much you remember,
if my face would even register,
And when I asked with hope and apprehension,
"Can you recognize me?"
You smiled like,
I had said the silliest thing in the world
and replied, "Why won't I recognize you?"

Home
will never be the same without you.
You used to be my North Star, my Superhero,
The one I always looked up to and was in awe of,
No one will ever match up
To your wisdom, your goodness.
It is like the brightest star
has been snuffed out from my life.
Now, who will I call Nana anymore?
Who will ever smile at me like you used to?

Wherever you are -
I hope you are in a better place,
Happier, healthier, and in peace.
I hope you can walk again in fields of meadows,
And breathe fresh air under the open sky.
I hope you get to eat your favorite dishes
and all the sweets you crave,
I hope where you are,
You can listen to your favorite music,
Read all the books you want,
And write all the stories,
You couldn't in this life.
I hope wherever you are,
You can still feel my love for you.

I will always look for you in the stars,
Love you and miss you forever, Nana.