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A sadder shadow follows me,
Than what I allow the world to see
Like a clown behind red nose and smile
Beneath make-up crying all the while,

The bell-curve will not toll for me
For in a world filled with jealousy
I’m right of center, near the top
But that doesn’t help the pain to stop.

More rainy days, more sleepless nights
And as I age, I cease to fight
Yet the battle I could never win
Still rages on, promoting sin.

My children are my legacy
I wonder what they’ve learned from me
Will they laugh at all the world’s jokes?
Or cry each time their eye is poked?

Will they push ahead and fight through tears?
Or drown pain with cigarettes and beers?
Will they go on fighting, not give up
Drink champagne from a victor’s cup?

Or settle in a comfy place
Content with life, choose not to race
Will a sadder shadow follow them as well?
What did they learn from me – only time will tell.
Phil Lindsey 7/8/15
I am the quarry of my benighted psyche.
So crumbled by the fiendish enactments.
I dread the very persona
i've impersonated.
The damaging mentation have
inebriated my nous.
Clambering  off from this lineament
is my quotidian.
I wish to be devoid from this self.
As it ingests my soul.
Today I wrote a song about your teeth.
They are crooked and imperfect.
Just like this. Our hands. And these
songbirds are all liars. We haven’t learned.
Flesh memory is overrated. Last night
I felt the linen, and it whispered to me
nothing. Not even the shape of you
reminds me of happiness. What is the use
of these metaphors if they can’t
beautify you anymore. No longer as fierce
as the inferno I allowed you to become.
Drowning in bedclothes, trying to understand how streams of consciousness
are becoming bodies of water. Today
I wrote a song about your teeth. And I
read it aloud to the voiceless, and now
they know what love tastes like.
Does hating your own art make you a better artist, or just stranger to your own hands?
The waves above
sweep over mockingly
teasing me with
gravity
A day is not the same without you now....
Like i remember days before that....
I close my eyes not because im scared....
They are now floodgates against incredible torrents....
I used to be able to figure out "why?....."
Now its just a flurry of pain....
A familiar shot to the gut....
I cant miss them anymore.....
I cant say the worst is over....
Everyday it seems worse than the day before.....
Oh sadness my dear friend...
We can never be enemies....
Cause i know you would **** me.....
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