I tried making home of other men.
Front doors of their sternums
Two story foyers
of their torsos
and porcelain stairs of their ribs.
Tracked myself
in and out of their memories
looking for space for my baggage.
Had conversations with
my echos as I screamed

I LOVE YOU

into hollow atriums.
Made my bed on diaphragms and felt
each draft of
inhale
exhale pieces of me to...somewhere.

I tried making home of other men.
Hang memories on occipital lobes
Affix my name to Broca's areas
so the world knew
I found home in another man.

I am tired of making home in other men.
Foundations thought solid
grow legs and wander way out yonder
Take my memories and love
leaving me nothing but my empty.

I am tired of making home in other men.
Tending hedges
shining floors
and making welcome for those
deemed worthy of home - not me.

I am tired of making home in other men
so I will make home in myself.
Put my hands on every crack
lay smooth my rough edges
and plant beauty in my own yard.

I am tired of making homes for other men,
so I will make this home for me.

In the beginning,
We were Pangea.
Combined as one
Breathing
Living
Loving as one.
Fingers drew rivers
Across our valleys
As quick breaths
Blew in like
Monsoon storms.

In the middle,
We shook. Splintered
Valleys became chasms
Rivers ran dry
Mountains sprang up
Where our bodies
Crashed and crumpled
Attempting to redraw
And redefine boundaries.

In the end,
We were broken.
Pieces of ourselves
Flung to distant
Corners of our
Subconscious
Separated by oceans
Of tears and
Silence, which swallowed
Everything.

IT RANG OUT LIKE A SHOT!
Those three words.
Left my body frozen in place
as my mind raced for a response.
Your eyes searched mine -
like hounds for a fox -
Chased me through
thickets
and tunnels
and brush.
Left no stone unturned
nor stream uncrossed in your search.

IT RANG OUT LIKE A SHOT!
Those three words.
Snatched me from my stupor
and left me face-to-face
with the muzzle of your emotions.
Loaded and cocked,
I could see your tongue ready to pull the trigger.

IT RANG OUT LIKE A SHOT!
Those three words.
Couldn't hear myself think
or feel
anything
other than my lips
mouth those three words.
Last thing I remember
is your sinister, sweet smile
claiming your reward - my lifeless body-
after unloading the final shot...

"I love you"
IT RANG OUT LIKE A SHOT!*
Those three words.

Part I

I knew the answer.
Long before I picked up the phone
I knew the answer, but I needed
to hear your voice.
Needed to hear the trigger
cause the hammer
hit the strike plate
ignite the spark
burn the powder
and send the bullet streaming down
the chamber to lodge itself deep
into my subconscious.
But all I got was silence.
I needed to hear your voice
to give me permission to be angry,
but all I got was silence.
In that silence
I heard galaxies collide
planets break loose orbit
stars  mingle as ion hearts
stopped beating.
Quasars crackled in
my ear as I waited for you to
say "goodbye", but all I got
was silence.
In that moment I became
un-created
un-raveled
un-living.

Part II

I tried losing you
in the beds of other men.
Drown you in the swells and troughs
of wrinkled sheets.
Wash clean your memory
with their sweat and ***.
But you managed to hide in the
recesses of my shame and your
memory laughed as I crawled into
our queen sized bed...
alone.

I tried to drown you in the
bottom of every bottle.
Hoped the fire in my throat
and the haze in my eyes
would absolve me of my sin!

BUT YOU ******* LEARNED TO SWIM

and proceeded to drag me to the
depths of misery.

I ran head first into the world
hoping I would lose you
in the flash and flurry
and **** bang push pull of
life!
Instead I found myself.
In the silence of that epiphany
I heard galaxies explode
gasses swirl
coalesce
dance
congeal
Ion hearts beat life into existence!

In the silence of that epiphany
I was created.

I am not your sunrise lover.
I am 10pm
after a hard days labor.
Dinners cooked and kitchens cleaned.
Lazy hands trace
limp bodies.
Breath softens and bodies roll.

But I am not your sunrise lover

I am midnight moon
high in the sky
eyes thrown back and
thighs open wide.
Sweat drips
breath thick
blood rushing in our lips
body quivers
spirits moan

But I am not your sunrise lover

I am 2am
secrets whispered through
heavy voices and drooping eyes
true selves revealed
under the cloak of night.
Bodies held close
-which is yours?
-which is mine?
It doesn't really matter
I'll be gone before dawn
Because I am not your sunrise lover...

I stood three feet away and couldn’t save you.
Stretched out my hands
and could not pull you
from the sea.
Ragged waves obscured your face.
I stood three feet away and
begged you back to shore.
Couldn’t tell if this salt
was mine or the sea’s.
Winds howled and thunder roared
mist stung like blood rushing
to sleeping limbs.
I stood three feet away when the sea
stood still.
Could still feel the empty spaces from your
fingers.
Nothing remained but me, the sea, and a memory.

PROMETHEUS!
Prometheus. You,
Were favored among man.

PROMETHEUS!*
Prometheus. You
Stole fire from the gods.

I was fire and
lightening
at the creation of Earth.

Feet dance like,
Shiva.
Hips sway,
Calypso
Hair flung wild like
Yangtze and Ganges

I was energy and passion
until you loved me
to Olympus rock.
Greedy bird, you are never full.