Part I

I knew the answer.
Long before I picked up the phone
I knew the answer, but I needed
to hear your voice.
Needed to hear the trigger
cause the hammer
hit the strike plate
ignite the spark
burn the powder
and send the bullet streaming down
the chamber to lodge itself deep
into my subconscious.
But all I got was silence.
I needed to hear your voice
to give me permission to be angry,
but all I got was silence.
In that silence
I heard galaxies collide
planets break loose orbit
stars  mingle as ion hearts
stopped beating.
Quasars crackled in
my ear as I waited for you to
say "goodbye", but all I got
was silence.
In that moment I became
un-created
un-raveled
un-living.

Part II

I tried losing you
in the beds of other men.
Drown you in the swells and troughs
of wrinkled sheets.
Wash clean your memory
with their sweat and ***.
But you managed to hide in the
recesses of my shame and your
memory laughed as I crawled into
our queen sized bed...
alone.

I tried to drown you in the
bottom of every bottle.
Hoped the fire in my throat
and the haze in my eyes
would absolve me of my sin!

BUT YOU ******* LEARNED TO SWIM

and proceeded to drag me to the
depths of misery.

I ran head first into the world
hoping I would lose you
in the flash and flurry
and **** bang push pull of
life!
Instead I found myself.
In the silence of that epiphany
I heard galaxies explode
gasses swirl
coalesce
dance
congeal
Ion hearts beat life into existence!

In the silence of that epiphany
I was created.