I'm back to square one,
running in circles.
I'm like a laundry mat
with all these cycles.
Just wring me out,
I'm better off
hanging.

I'll use you as a good time.
I'm just like
all the ***** guys.
I'll even put you in my rhyme,
if you remind me of
all my lies.

I've changed,
"you're just not the same."
All my ol' friends tend to say.
That's what happens
when you put
**** in your nose
e v e r y d a y.

There has to be more to life
than trying to afford a life.
In constant despair
from status control,
my money shouldn't define
whether I do time
or eat tonight...
or see some grass
on the other side of the world.
I want to be happy,
so why do I find it so unattainable?
Next thing I know,
I'm telling people I'm depressed.
I say the word so much,
I begin to identify, as a crutch.
Excuses come flooding,
then I start running
and getting high on drugs.
Antidepressants
from a doctor who knows no other way.
I can't be mad, though.
I'm the same,
except all I know is pain.

Green is the color of the sheets
every time one of us chooses to leave.
Flowers color our bedroom
every time we renew our love.
American boy,
so blue and cute.
Sing me your songs of sadness
and I'll fall to your every beck and call.
American boy,
you are always in a hurry,
on your pursuit of happiness.
Money and fame won't make you whole.
I'll pay the toll,
if it's what's holding you back from yourself.

Can't choose who I love,
only how I can deal with it.
I'll never forget you.

I am haunted:
Not by poltergeist,
but by my unlived lives.
Parallel universes
won't ever speak,
they took an oath
to keep from me.
I have words and voices
humming in my head
that will never be met
outside of my bed.
I have to accept
I cannot have it all,
I have to accept
knowing nothing at all.

I disguised
my fear of commitment
as a hunger for
adventure.
I'm aimlessly floating
as if it's
the bigger picture.

I want to love,
to be loved
like anyone does.
But I'm tainted
with the mind
of a messed up
version of love;
Expiration dates on a heart.

I made myself
believe lives are
destinations
meant to be left
for something
new to obtain.
Like a girl scout badge,
to show off to all of my friends.


I wonder where the
void in my heart exists.
Is it possible it's
from a place I already visited?
I wish I knew
where I belonged.

I find peace and solitude
when my thoughts have simmered
after spending a long week
learning truths of myself.
Yet, a void still lies within
the crevice of my soul
oozing out
in the better parts of me.
When he looks at me
he tells me he sees
innocence, kindness and beauty.
He never saw
my mangled body
or all my bloodshed.
He never met
the warrior,
the fool.