Sometimes I have nothing to write
and I wait for months and months
to pass only to find within time--
I'm still lonely.

Lonely can be so cruel
like solitary confinement
right behind your eyelids
and the sleep you can't awake
rests upon your fate,
you better wake the **** up
before it's too late.

Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up.
My therapist said
something is wrong with my head.
He found a word to describe me,
I never knew I wasn't like me.
Just a piece in a text book...
To describe my whole life.
All the series of traumas,
the abuse and dramas,
patterns and thoughts,
just to be boxed up...

I am not special.
I am nothing great.
But I dont care,
I refuse to ******* cave
into my demise.

I remember the little red airplane swing outside on the left side of the rickety old country farm house.
You would push me really high when I was little girl after waiting all day with Pepper, the schnauzer.
I remember stealing your kisses to my grandma and telling you she's all mine. I used to be too shy to say I love you, but my smile made you know that I did.
You were everything to me.
You were my dad.
I loved you more than I let you know.
We grew older, you way ahead of me...but we were still so close, always connected by souls. Life has a way to keep young ones so busy...
You got sicker and sicker.
I got used to it.
I just never thought you'd be gone because a part of that child in me believed you were invincible. You were so strong. But..you're human.
I love you, Larry Troy Kester.
I'm too young to lose my dad...
My grand dad...
My dad.

she has pieces of her body
she hasn't even met;
23 years old
and in such a hurry
for misplaced regret...
set up from a man
who believes he knows her,
but he's taking truth from a liar.

the harder she dreams,
the deeper she sinks.
she ignores her reality
and relinquishes into defeat.
she only wishes to think
in a steady stream.
there's a silhouette
of who she could be
that she drowns in unearthly things.

it's eerie how love
can time travel
and make a person,
i've known so little,
so familiar

when the ice melted,
the coldness from her soul left.
the ground was fertile
and there was a new beginning.
she could see the life inside her
sprouting and that's when she realized...
she was always there
underneath it all.
just waiting to bloom.

Feeling all alone is hard to accept.
I wish I could save you,
but it never works out like that.
I have to sink a little lower
to help you lift back up.

I dream of being a time traveler
so I can undo all I've done to hurt you.
I can only learn to be less ******.

It hurts a lot to see the resentment between us and have no power over the situation or how you percieve me.

I guess it's really over this time.
We used to have so much energy
for a chase.
I can tell things
have changed between us...
Now there are no more call backs after a fight,
now you walk away
and leave instead hearing me out.
There is no more
fighting for another chance,
only fighting and going on with the day.
I guess it's really over this time...

I can feel the rhythm of change.
I'm in a trance.
I'm dancing through life,
because it's my only chance.

You only live once
may get a bad rep,
but I don't give a ****.
They're right,
so don't waste it.
Embrace it.

I thought I lost it all for a minute,
but life likes to play tricks.
Who knew that I could play too?
If you want to dance, Life, I'll dance with you.