it’s creeping up again

hard to keep it at bay but it mocks me,
false hope of the future.

fantasies of happiness it implants, they feel so real.

It’s mascot I soon employ myself to be, rotting indefinitely.

to everyone who has left me, whether you were here for 8 days or 5 years, id like to thank you for the laughter, the hopes, the future, and the disappointment.

i'd like to thank you for letting me see that you were less than what i deserve, less than what i need, and saw in yourself that you were going to be no more than a burden to me.

you saw yourself as a leaf on my tree and wanted to be a branch on another.

you saw in my eyes, that i was sad, lonely, desperate for love, and felt it your duty to no longer play with my heart.

as confusing to wake up and see that person cease to exist; i understand you weren't meant to be in my life anyway.

but, thank you for your service.

don't be like me.

a weak person.

unable to swallow abuse, unable to say to a person who is ignoring me that it's okay.

unable to say no.

don't be like me, anxiety filled and emotional to the point of missing work due to stomachaches and headaches.

constantly being yelled at for harmless mistakes and belittled for shortcomings.

don't be like me, a weak sad person who wants to be stronger but can only cry and hide in her room.

don't be like me.

highs and lows
of meeting new people
is exciting until
they never speak to you again.

i wonder whose heart i broke so bad in a past life to suffer their heartache today.