i wonder whose heart i broke so bad in a past life to suffer their heartache today.

we had a fight today,
the sun and i.

it was telling me to stay awake, I stayed awake for him, and the sun was jealous.

it felt that I give him a place, a title.
when it was the one who wakes me up,
who let me breathe,
who let me feel warm in this cold world.

i felt sad that the sun was scolding me for abandoning it, but she didn’t understand,

that I only feel safe when she's watching me sleep.

For, five.
the past few months,
I sleep,
minimum.

The days are short and the night is long.

I’ve ended my relationship with the sun and rely on artificial gummies to replace the nutrients the sun once gave me.

The man in the moon makes frequent stops, i ignore him,
waiting for the sun to rest upon my face,

so it can watch me sleep.

I'm having such terrible thoughts.

I feel so feeble in this world. indeed there's something special about me, perhaps I'm putting more emphasis on the special.

but the loneliness is creeping in, the empty gets bigger. people leaving me without explanation is becoming more of a daily occurance than a rarity.

i want to be fulfilled with love and happiness but instead I'm full of despair and pain.

the noticeable smile I used to wear fades fast now. I look around looking for people looking at me, just to make sure I'm still there.

if there is a god, why did he make this so painful? why did he give me this sad life?
why did he have people plant roots in my life only to rot inside me?

why did he leave me with so many grudges? why did he make me a spirit with no soul?

I like the word. I love you. I like the way it sounds. I like the way it feels. I like the way it forms off your lips.....I like the way it looks on your eyes and the way you say it, I like hearing it in books and telling it to myself. I liked the way you wrote it to me but never said it in my ear, I liked the way you never said it looking into my eyes or said it when we made love. I liked the way you lied about loving me for years when you only liked me. I loved the way I loved you and I liked the way you didnt love me at all.

i was sitting on a bench and everyone that passed looked so full. they were smiling and had places to go. i was content staring at them and watching them walk to their destination wondering if the life they lead was better than mine. then i thought about myself and hole that continously sits in the back of my chest and in the pain in my legs began to overtake the contentment i was feeling. it became a dark cloud. the breeze i felt became a storm and instead of running i sat in it. i didnt feel like getting up and running for shelter anymore.