A woman asked me
How it felt to see my lover again
And I found myself
Most inconveniently out of words, darling
My mouth opened
I almost said
Being with him
Is like Summer rain
In the Sahara
Or the first sip of water taken
By a thirsting man
Like the cool feeling of grass beneath bare feet
In the spring
The smell of blooming Wisteria  
Like a bonfire in Autumn
The sound of leaves falling from the trees
It is like the first snow of winter
Blanketing the world in white
Or the the steam from a cup of tea
But instead I smiled
And closed my eyes

"It was everything I needed it to be."


.

i'm in love with words,
but afraid of voices.
silence is both beautiful
and terrifying,
because thoughts just
never seem to sleep.
no one seems
to really understand,
because although
these voices
never stop talking,
the words themselves
are often too
quiet to speak.

when the fear goes away
it only runs and hides
waiting for the day
to take more manic rides

when the fear comes around
it puts me in the dirt
it really gets me down
it really makes me hurt

when the fear goes away
it always sits and waits
wanting me to stay
in those grey panic states

when the fear comes around
it wraps me in a rope
it only wants me bound
it wants to take my hope

when the fear goes away
it is only a trick
waiting in the grey
to hit me like a brick

when the fear comes around
it grabs me by the throat
it holds me on the ground
it wants to make me choke

Their words punching me..
like blows to my face.
All these hurtful things , I wish I could erase..
They pull out all the shots
without even a care..
By this time my eyes and mind are blank..
I am no longer aware...
Do they think I'm stupid,  that I don't already know..
that everyone would be better ..if I was 10 feet below..
This is not a pity party ..just a well known fact..
I can tell by the way they look at me , what they say..how they act..
It's a good thing I'm a coward, and can't see my thoughts through.
I look at my 2 babies,  and know only one thing to be true.
They love me..although god only knows why!!  But this...and only this keep me going
makes me want to try ...
so tonight as I write this, with tears pouring down my face ..
I pray that GOD  will look down ..
and save me with his grace...

Do you really love me?
or just love to hurt me,
to take control
and use my body
but where is soul?
You never care
maybe you just can't,
you are a soulless
horror of the night,
my nightmare,
that came alive
and I let you take me,
head over heels,
you leave me so empty,
you just use me,
then you leave
and I am nothing,
I feel so worthless
God, I can't take this,
I'm dying every night,
I want your heart
and you just my body...