I really don't want to be the jealous type. But he causes me to have these really violent feelings that I don't want. I know he doesn't feel the same. That he wouldn't fight for my love the way I have been fighting for his. So I'm going to let this **** fly n find an outlet.

It's 2 am and i'm expecting you to call
but why should you
we haven't talked in ages
it shouldn't change now

I wonder if you miss me
which is stupid
I know you don't
you told me you wouldn't

you said you had to forget about me
that you had to move on
either find someone else
or some thing else

maybe you didn't mean that
but what's the point of thinking that
if you didn't mean it you would have called
before 2 am rolled around

I can't write vivid poetry anymore
I think so logically now
I see every shade of black and white
but i see no color

I'm broken
I'll admit to myself
I'd never tell anybody else
but i'll admit it to myself

is that what you want to hear?
that I'm broken
that you broke me
I think you'd like that

maybe I should just tell you
but if I did that then you'd know
(Wow you're a genius)
I can't let you know

It's possible you have the same thoughts
that you won't tell me I broke you
you're stubborn like me
that's why you shouldn't call

I remember him telling me how I was special. That he could see our future together, but still in the same breath he would tell me about this new girl he liked and how soft her lips were. Every description of this new girl just reminded me of everything I wasn't  and never would be. But I wasn't her and didn't want to be. He always told me how jealous he would be over my future boyfriend from then I knew the bs but made him run his mouth anyway as he told me how beautiful and **** I was. But still he would go back and tell me about how much he was in love with my best friend. When it was just the two of us he would wrap me in his arms and tell me just how perfectly I fit, how perfectly we fit , but then he would turn around and hug my friend up from behind and ask her " would you be mine". So you see I should have know that when he dipped me and laid his lips on mine it was just another joke, I was just another game, he never really cared, he just wanted another name. Another name on the kiss list.

I don't like to think about it
I hate it
I try not to think about it
But do you think trees try to fall down
things happen
regardless of whether they're planned
so last night I thought about it
even though I didn't want to

it kills me
I didn't want it to
I assumed it wouldn't
but trees spend all their lives above the grass
that doesn't mean they think they'll ever touch
I thought about it
and I hate that
and I hate that I hate that I thought about it

I hate that I love you
I hate that I don't fully believe that sentence
I hate that you can feel something
but not be aware that you feel it
I wonder if trees know they'll grow
they always do
but I wonder if they know they will
Is it possible to not know the inevitable?

I wish I could unthink the thought I thought
it kills me
how the thought of you with another man
makes my stomach turn
but the thought of me with another woman
doesn't carry the weight to lift a scale
were trees previously just one branch
until they realized they had other options

I'm using a tree as a metaphor
because I don't want to talk about myself
because I don't want to make this about me
I want the world to cause my problems
but if i'm being honest
which I will be
I am the root of my pain
I just don't want to think about it

Thick clouds of smoke billow from her mouth.
The taste of cigarettes and whiskey lingering on a pink tongue.
A woman-- With eyes of an angel
but a body of nothing as saintly.  
She beckons through the nebulous crowd.
Lips gleaming red from obvious sins.
Hips swaying ripened to a hypnotic beat.

Will you, (insert name here) go to her?
To indulge in her hidden desires?

A gentlemen of scholars, without a single dollar.

Will you, a man made of valor, rush to her?

Fighting it only makes the urge stronger.
Eternal darkness will never know an end;
the sinful devil in her tiny black mini dress.
She is a demon in nightmare form,
nefariously wrapped in silken weaved candy.

Her call is strong...
Her voice soft.
She beckons you;
   --will you fall?