Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
I've been sleeping in odd places
next to a ***** blanket
on the floor of this cold apartment.
I get little sleep because my insomnia
keeps saying ridiculous ****
and its starting to scare me.

I find myself frozen when he asks me
Do you think you know yourself
He tells me I care too much about the answers
I tell him he isn't very good company.
He tells me I try too hard for others
that I'm only going to get my heart broken.
I tell him it's still worth it
He crawls closer to the couch
and impersonates my crying.

I've been sleeping in odd places
next to a confused womanizer
on the bed that can't stop squeaking.
They never look at me directly
they can't afford to find attachment
under these eyes of mine
when it's only the cuffing season

I've been sleeping in odd places
next to my anxiety
on the floor of my mind.  
I'm clutching onto these odd moments
like little snippets of my life
I'm trying to piece myself together
with all the bad that I have done
thank goodness for the councilor who listens when i speak.
I envy the trees that stand tall during bad weather
Holding sturdy to their roots that will not surrender
I feel like a fragile person
I feel a sludgy guilt when I make a sudden noise
I feel like the brush of the wind might end me
I feel caught up in a river of today and I can not even see the other side
I am strong enough to admit that I do not have all my answers
But lessons are learned after each tiny disaster
blood rushes under my skin
as you leave me in a panic
my eyes blur at the sight of you leaving me
alone, again
stuck in this heat.
I could do without the teasing
but I see it has no meaning

It is familiar but new
like visiting an old park
where you are my new swing
and I am sitting where I always sit
wrapped around another finger

but even at this desk we are too close together
you say little and I fear I say too much
you study stats as I study the way you sigh,
how you look away when you talk,
and how tired you look right now.

I will stay because  
I feel something strange when we embrace
These funny feelings
I chase them down and try to label
but all I can do it stare
and wonder.
Attached to another avoidant
today I realized
the weight I bared when you were around
but when you're gone
oh how these thoughts linger on
that I am myself again

when I am alone I feel free to be weird
I feel free to be my naked self
I am unapologetically me
why do I feel better
when you're not around?
for my last ex, who held me back
Next page