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hello again depression, I knew you would be back.
When I hit another low
even though I am alone
I feel myself surrounded,
by the chattering crowd below.
Drown out by my heart beat
that suffocates my mind
I breathe through the contractions
and casually check the time
I've got nothing planned today
but to get my *** in line
i want to be an artist
but only by my own hand and heart
because I have finally decided
that I am the only voice in my head that matters!
No amount of pity comparison
from some unwanted third party
will give me justice
I want everyone
whose ever told me that my work is
"better than anything they could've done",
to stick their half-assed compliment
right back where it came,
from the depths of their pitiful ego.
As if their low self esteem would get me anywhere
when sadly it doesn't, actually,
I feel like my art isn't worth **** when told that!
It leaves me feeling unsatisfied, like the feeling you get
when your'e awarded the participation medal..
I wan to scream at the people who think they can give
criticism in envy
I want them to shred my canvas to its very sketch
I want them to throw it off the roof
in a fit of anger and disgust.
I want them to set it a blaze in ridicule.
I want someone to snap it over their knee
and challenge my ideals.
But no, instead I will receive a measly
"well at least it's better than I could've done"
Lately, I've been feeling very afraid
of my friends and family
and those who think less of me.
I confide in some, but not all
I don't think tonight was a good call..
When I hit my head and saw clearly for once
I see the thoughts that you want to hide

Who do you doubt
when your trust has been ****** back at you
with the lies spread out on the table in front of you
whose to blame when the knot is just too much
to untangle
when the petty **** becomes ammo
Who would've thought that
standing up to my doubts
would mean standing alone
in the eyes of the bitter sweet truth
I wish I was free of what you've done to me
This was the day I found my boyfriend snooping through my phone. Disappointment doesn't begin to cover it
OoooOO Alexa
You don't like warm fruit, even if I cook it nice
If the suns your natural enemy, you'll forever be more pale than me
You don't like that I snore in my sleep, BUT I can't help it.
You don't get scared by movies, even when I'm ******* myself..
AND! you can drink me under the, taable, butchu'll be the one whose sawwry.  
You can't think about the end of space, it's a question you can't seem to face?
AND! we don't know what will happen, when we all meet our death.
It's an inevitable fact of life, just waiting to be met.
But I promise to stand next to you, till that faithful day occurs.
Till then lets keep dancing and making up funny words.
It basically goes like this
at the point of birth onward,
we are all seedlings encapsulated by a thick glass.
when we are all very, very young
our glass orb is our entire world
we have not filled the glass just yet
with out a passion, or roaring spirit.
Many days will be spent stagnant
inside our self absorbed orb looking at the mirror
what you see is dependent on
how far you are willing to look.
Have you ever stopped your youth
to look past yourself
and see the pain others go through?
To see there is more out there than this orb?
sad to say some don't ever see past their own reflection
have you ever really noticed
yourself becoming aware?
As we grow deep and develop
its only natural to fill those void within ourselves
our ambition becomes too big for our little world
a destruction of self,
but a creation of space.
Yes, we can actually reach this potential!
We can break our glass orbs!
and then you can see
this "Whole Big World" has all of us in it.
Together.
Humanity at its finest.
But there are some,
who are so mindless and content
with this space we all share.
For some
they never see past the mirror.
That is why you can meet someone
at any point in their life
whose still too conscious of themselves
and have never cracked the glass of their own little world.
don't get caught up in what the world thinks is worth your time. You don't need to look pretty. You don't need to fall in line. What you need is to see past all that, because we have only so much time.
Tap tap tap
Goes the foot of the anxious teen
Her eyes are blurry
She sits quietly observing
Her peers spew wild nonsense
All she wishes is to sit in a field
With the sticky moist grass
Her hair stuck to the nape
Of her neck, slick with sweat
She feels it bead down her back
She wants nothing more than the
Feeling of the earth under her
The musical thumping of a hare's foot
And the humming of a near by bee
She feels herself falling under all of it
She falls out of her chair
She falls through the tiles
She falls though the center of the earth
She finds herself on the floor
Of the classroom
Silly girl, falling asleep during a lecture
She needs things
neat and proper
neat and proper
Why he wonders?
from behind his ears
He hears
a small voice whisper
She does what she does
to feel better
to feel something
to escape the fears
she's haunting
because she does in fact,
feel nothing
and has grown comfortable of that fact.
she needs to stop searching
she needs to clean up her act
its fractured
its broken
get over it

— The End —