I never thought I could relate to a planet,
but today I learned Pluto's heart is a frozen wasteland.

I'm waiting in line and
There's a dark space ahead
In the other queues, people move on
and come out different
I cannot step in

The girl behind me says
"Miss, it's your turn."
As if I'm simply distracted
and not brimming with fear
I cannot step in

People are moving to other lines
I'm an inconvenience
The cashier smiles
and motions me forward
I cannot step in

I shift my head around,
trying to see what lies within
There's nothing there
It's worse than I expected
I cannot step in

I've been here for years
People whisper about me;
About the girl who won't move
and how she likely never will
I cannot step in

As a child, the adults in my family called me Bubba Gump
because Bubba almost sounded like my first nickname
and I have legs like Forest Gump.
When I ran, they would call out "Run, Bubba, run!"
and I would laugh because I didn't understand their cruelty.

I was put into the Gifted class when I was eight
and my mom was so proud of me.
She once referred to the class as special
and, since I already spoke with a stutter,
my aunts and uncles turned special into an insult.

My canine teeth stick out from the rest
and when I smile, that's all people see.
By fourteen, I had come to understand
that odd physical features and mean names
are a package deal, so
I came up with "vampire teeth", to let people know
I was aware of my abnormality.

I was drawn with an unsteady, jerking hand
and I'm okay with that.
It's become second nature to point out my own flaws
with a laugh in my throat.
I can see how uncomfortable people get when I do this
because it's okay for them to notice,
but not for me to notice them noticing.
Well, that's fine.
I'm just not going to apologize for my jagged lines.

Whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder
was a **** liar
or, maybe, they had a stronger heart than mine,
which is likely.
I smoke too much.
Either way, it doesn't seem to apply to me.
Distance makes my heart forgetful.
Somehow, I've only just realized
it's been twelve days since we last spoke
through words on a screen.
Fifteen since your voice was last deconstructed
and sent to me through signals in the air that I breathe.
Months have passed from that day you don't remember.
The day I said goodbye;
my heart heavy with finality.
How is that possible?
How can I go days without thinking about you?
You were the fox to my hound,
the Piglet to my Poo,
the Abed to my Troy.
I said once that I felt our connection was severed
and I think I actually understand what that means now.
It means when I saw an old lady
drive her car through someone's lawn,
my first thought wasn't how funny you'd find that.
It means when I listen to our favorite band,
I no longer recognize the lines you love.
It means that when I think of family,
there is no one left.
It means my new neighbor no longer offers me sugar
because I don't look so bitter anymore.
You were the last person I had.
Now, all I have is ghosts and a forgetful heart.

Three cups of sadness
Another two of anxiety
Then add a dash of restlessness,
a tablespoon of apathy,
and, hey, a couple more
of self-loathing
Now a pinch of salt for
one can't be bitter enough
and bake until there's smoke

I can't write honest poetry
Which is not to say that
the ones I've written are lies
(They might be; I wouldn't know)
But I can't seem to find the truth
My truth
I have buried my heart beneath six feet of fear
and my fingernails are caked with dirt
from trying to dig it back up again

Hey there, lost girl
I know things have been tough
I know life has roughed you up
and I know Peter always taught you
to never grow up, but honey
"Never is an awfully long time."

Besides, you know what else Peter taught?
You can fly!
But you have to believe
and I really need you to believe
So, please, close your eyes,
picture your happiness,
take that leap,
and fly straight on till morning