The first step in, I want to step out
The first word spoken, I wanted to shout
The very first sentence, “life is so tough”
The very last breath, It just wasn’t good enough.

I don't want to live in utopia
For once you peak, you decline.
However, aiming for a world that's better than yours is hardly a waste of time.

My utopia is a world
Where I'm happy with myself
Where myself and the people around me
Are happy and in perfect health.

My utopia is a place
Where there's always a reason to smile
And finally it is a place
Where utopia lasts a long while

Those purple circles
Under my eyes
Marks of sleeplessness
I can't disguise
Concealer only covers
The layer of skin
But underneath the makeup
There's still weary eyes within
I haven't slept
Not a wink of rest
Ever since you came
And made this mess.
*Sweet Dreams

Society fears
Us looking in mirrors
And liking what we see
Posting 'selfies' online
Is a narcissistic crime
Because we're not allowed to be
Proud of how we look
'Cause in society's book
Insecurity plus jealousy equals pay
And when we cry
We're likely to buy
And the world wants us that way

Fighting with the world
Over what is right or wrong
Knowing that you’re right
And that you have been all along.
Arguing a lot
Over what should and shouldn’t be
Some one’s always wrong
Although it seems it’s always me
Fighting over problems
Problems never to be solved
And never admitting to failure
Until all the fights are resolved.

A village of cheers is still a village of screams
But a village of nightmares is still a village of dreams.
A village of hope is a village of illusion
A village of genius is a village of confusion
There's always a dark side
But the sun's always bright
There's always a day coming after the night
Looking on the bright side is always so hard
But if your hand is ******
Just turn over a new card.

I write like a poet
I speak the words of a song
I sing like an angel
…who tends to get the notes wrong.

I’m funny and friendly
Or I pretend to be
I’m weird but I’m witty
I guess that’s just me.

I wear my sneakers
To parties with dresses
I paint on the walls
And I make frosting messes

I suppose I’m annoying
But I bet you are too.
I guess that’s my panache.
How about you?

I don't like quadratics
And it really doesn't matter
It won't help me in life to know how to factor

I don't like quadratics
A formula for disaster
negative B plus, minus
Doesn't matter

I don't like quadratics
And I don't like graphing
Rather spend my time with my friends all laughing

I don't like quadratics
And I don't like math
I hate this parabola
I hate this graph

I don't like quadratics
I really don't like quadratics
I hate 'em I hate 'em
I hate all of mathematics

You say you don’t want me to cry
So why do you make me?
You say you don’t want to hurt me
So why did you break me?
The unbroken promises
Slowly break down
The undisturbed smile
Slowly fades to a frown.
I said I was independent
That I don’t need a boy
But now I’m dependent on you
To bring me my joy
But you fail to do so
You fail to help
But maybe I’m better off
All by myself.

There's one rotten string on my Ukulele
That holds me back from playing
Behind it, an inexplicable frustration
But the explanation goes without saying.

Strum, Strum, Buzz, Strum
Why can't I just play the chord
Is something wrong with the instrument?
Beyond repair I can afford?

Maybe it's me, that's playing wrong
Why can't I strum that string?
I can't play my freaking melody,
So I guess I'll just try to sing.

Censor it.
Withhold it.
Nobody wants to know.
Don't ask. don't tell.
Don't spill. Don't show.

Censor it.
Withhold it.
Keep in under locks.
Think it, okay
But say it, do not.

Censor it.
Withhold it.
They don't want your opinion.
Society's your leader.
And you are its minion.

*Don't be its minion

I'm jealous
But I'd never admit it
I've been abandoned
And I just want to quit it
But I know that I can't give up.
I'm jealous
But I'd never tell him
I've been crying my eyes out.
I've just been so jealous.
But I know that I'm just out of luck.
I'm jealous
But he'll never know
I haven't slept at night
but it'll never show.
I know that he doesn't love me too.
I'm jealous
I'm not okay
I've been left out
day after day
Maybe I've done wrong.
I just don't have a clue.

The smell of fresh air
And the roar of the water
Cradled in the arms
Of mother nature’s daughter
The world fills my lungs
With that sweet tasting air
blood in my veins
and wind in my hair
The renewal of life
The death of the dead
love in the air
and music in my head

The scenery is dull
And you're feeling death's pull
And the sky is an ominous boat of gravy

But the scenery's bright
In the middle of the night
When the sky is swirled in navy.

The scenery's lonely
And you are the only
Life in the march of a swarm

The scenery is dull
And you're feeling death's pull
But it feels refreshingly warm.

To be honest I need you here
I’m tired of hiding from all of my fear
To be honest I’m afraid of what’s true
Hiding from the reasons I‘ve fallen for you
To be honest I got lost in your eyes
trying to hide it, always in disguise
To be honest I need to get away
But I know I’ll rue this day

You call it attraction
But it seems so much more
The perfect distraction
Makes my heart soar.
You call me a friend
But I thought maybe I meant something
Maybe this is the end
But I won't stop for nothing.

The distance won’t stop you
From tearing me apart
You run around with her
But play with my heart
If I was on the other
Side of the deal
Maybe I’d know
How that girl could feel
But I know how I feel
The feeling of pain
Because I’m just a part
Of your silly cheating game.

Throwback to the days
When love was all that we needed
When we barely even studied
But we always succeeded
When tests were a breeze
And homework was breezier
When we had social lives
And everything is easier
Nobody told me
Of the hardships underneath
Of life's hard tests
And life's sharp teeth
Nobody told me
Of the terrors, so small
But they feel so heavy
And they make you fall
Throwback to the days
When we hadn't a care
Throwback to the smiles
And the wind in our hair
Throwback, throwback
For we can't turn around
Throwback to the days
When we were *safe and sound

You are now what you are not
Your good and evil plan
I suppose you are my strongest fear
The fear of the duality of man

Some may call it two faced
You aren't but you can
Be something but my greatest fear
The fear of the duality of man

You once were an angel
Gripping kindness in your hand
But devils walk around you
Enforcing this duality of man

What if I could go
To a place that isn't true?
A place so real, not real at all
To do things I wouldn't do.

What if I could go
To a different place that's possible?
To live like I know how
But in a place improbable.

I want a world like my own
But without pain or discipline
I want to live in utopia
In a realistic fiction

I write about love and I write about hate
I am a writer who was born to create

I am a writer
I write with a pen and I type with a whirl
I'm a writer, a poet, a creative girl.

I am a writer
Hear the whoosh of my pen
I am a writer and I'll say it again

Because I am a writer
I want to be heard
So I'll write every sentence with thought in each word

I write about love and all that is great
I am a writer who was born to create

My mistakes don't make me stupid
My mistakes are cries for help.
So help me, *******.
Don't put me through hell.

I'm scared to get it wrong
So I don't try to get it right
I don't want to deal with you
Instead of sleeping at night.

I love you.
I love the way you feel, sitting close to me in the comfortable darkness.  
I love the movie playing in the background- I love the actors, the music, the scenery.  
I love making jokes about the characters, punning on the dialogue, pointing out holes in the plot.
I love crying at the sad parts, laughing at the funny parts, and laughing even harder at the parts that aren't even meant to be funny, just because you're there with me.
I love my friends, who sit and laugh at us, make fools of us as we make fools of ourselves.
I love the refreshing taste of the cool soda I'm drinking, the crunch of popcorn as we share a tub between us.
I love this quaint, little scene
                in this quaint, little place
                               in this quaint, little town
                                               in this crazy, big universe.
I love everything about this moment.
I love so much.
But how long will I have to go on
Until I can finally say
I love myself.

I'm so many things
But I want to be more
So much more important
Than an oxygen *****.

The air that I waste
The time that runs out
For I'm hogging the world
In an oxygen drought.

It used to be easy
Making a friend
In Pre-K you just played
And you supposed it'd never end
It used to be easy
Passing a test
You just had to study
And do your best
It used to be easy
And all was stress-free
But now it's too hard
It is too hard for me
My head in a book
My pen on a page
Late nights and waking up early the next day
It used to be easy
It required no thought
It used to be easy
But now, it is not.

When the world is slowly dying
Bears on icebergs, melting, crying.
When you refuse to reduce or reuse,
Think of the people and animals you abuse.
All the talk of apocalypse
But zombies don’t compare to this.
The universe’s suicide
The struggle, the difficulty to stay alive
The problems we face, that we cannot erase
Someday we could lose this place.
So walk to school, ride your unicycle
Reduce, reuse, and finally, Recycle

Long distance relationship
A relationship that hardly exists
Long distance, barely true
It's long distance, but I still love you

So now we're just friends
I'm just the girl that you text
Hanging on to the fact
That I could be next
That you'll love me too
You'll love me like you love her
But you don't, and I know it
And it makes my heart stir
But you say you want to kiss me
You're just a cheat
But now I guess I'll accept it
*Accepting defeat

Nurture the nature
And celebrate rain
And let natural water
Wash away pain
Frolic through flowers
And soak up the sun
And look on the bright side
‘Cause the party’s just begun

little drummer boy play your rhythm on my spine
let me be your snare, make music out of me
little drummer boy it’s been a long and lonely winter
and the heartbeat of your drum has got me through the coldest nights
little drummer boy oh won’t you bruise me with your drumsticks
break my bones and tear my skin, break my entire world apart
little drummer boy play your rhythm on my ribcage
leave my pale pink skin black and blue and purple and red
little drummer boy oh won’t you break me into pieces
for all i am to you is an instrument to be played

We are a sum of all of our choices
Of all our experience and echoing voices
Voices in our head that tell you what to do
Voices outside that are nagging at you
Voices of people who tell you you're wrong
Frustrate you and break you until you're long gone
You're inherently good; you were born to be kind
But society ***** and it changes your mind
You're inherently good; you were born just that way
You were born to be good, you were born to be great
You're inherently good, so lay down your arms
'Cause a baby never did you any harm, did it?
*A baby never did you any harm.

I'm trying to survive
This life without you
I'm just a blade of grass in the dew.

Drowning in the mornings
Shrugging it away
Staring in the night
Stepped on in the day

A simple organism
Dull and afraid
A speck in a field
I'm just a lonely blade

I’m from wigs and hats and baseball cards
From perseverance and working hard

I am from “you can surely ace this test”
From “things will always turn out for the best.”

I’m from belief and passion and prayer
From the constant feeling that God is there.

I’m from a camp where everyone belongs
From cheers, from sports, from campfire songs.

I’m from the lake every summer in the sun,
From gathering the family and just having fun.

I’m from painting on doors and singing on stage
From constantly working so hard to behave.

I am from stories and poems and art
I am from passion and power and heart.

I am from hyperness and hysteria.
I’m from Doctor Who and Nerdfighteria.

I’m from often feeling that I’m not good enough
But from pushing through when times are rough.

Although sometimes I’m from pressure and loss
We make it through, because my family is boss.

I call myself a feminist and you cringe
If you've got a problem, Sir, just build a bridge.
I'll cry you a river if you'll get over it.
I'm done dealing with your stupid ****.

Happiness, sadness grips me
I stop, I pause, I freeze
Topsy, turvy, tipsy
An attitude in the breeze

This way, that way, this and that
Changing minds, changing clothes
Anger, fear, terror, and laughs
Really, anything goes.

The agonizing headaches
Constantly switching sides
The happiness and the heartbreaks
Change in heart, change in tide.

I'm trying to tell you a story
To let you know you're wrong
To tell you that you're beautiful
Whether or not you feel you belong

I'm trying to make you acknowledge
That, darling, you're perfect to me
The beauty in your heart
Is really all I see

Why so insecure?
When did you stop following your dreams?
Why don't you see your life
Is worth much more than it may seem?

I'm trying to end this story
Though there is much more to tell
So tell yourself the truth
And stop saying that you're well

*Just please, get well soon

At the dock, come one come all
There were ships, some big some small.
Some with stripes and some with flowers
Her ship, his ship, their ship, ours.
Our ship is tiny, not built to last,
Stocked with dreams and memories past.
At one point I believed our ship was a yacht
But soon I learned that you aren’t what I thought.
So now this ship isn’t big enough for two.
This ship has sailed, without you.

Water down the drain
Spiraling and spinning
'Til every drop is gone
Like my patience that is thinning

I know that I complain
I know that I'm obnoxious
I don't know what I want
I just know it is not this

It's not a funny joke
When my sanity's the punchline
Everything is gone
What happened to the sunshine?

*What happened to the sunshine?

You're tearing a hole in the ozone layer.
The earth is a vampire and you are its slayer.

She came in, guns loaded, with bullets of red lipstick
Cigarette smoke rings like vows
Her heels were high but her head was held higher
As everyone else bowed.
Her nails were polished, she was too
Her teeth were pearly and white
Her legs were long and her arms were strong
And her hands were clenched in fists, tight.
She stomped on crowds of angry men
That told her girls ain't tough
Her high heels pierced the skin beneath her feet
As she told 'em enough was enough
She came in, guns blazing, with bullets of red lipstick
While them boys had shields and swords
The world put her down for her feminine body
So she took her just rewards.

My life is a dream
My vision's a blur
All I see is you
All you see is her

Anxiety is when the world around you gyrates
Depression is when it stands still
Wanting so badly to reach for the stars
Knowing you never will

Depression is more than a feeling
It's a ship sinking in the ocean of you
Always being told that you're worth it
But knowing it isn't true.

Depression is "it's okay"
Anxiety is "I'm fine"
Depression is a wound that just doesn't heal with time

And mixing the two together
Is a cocktail of explosives
Depression is absolute stillness
While anxiety is motion

How can the world be spinning
When my world is standing still
I've never understood it
Perhaps I never will.

Everyone has a mask that they hide underneath
But under every mask is the tears of defeat
Because everyone cries and everyone hides it
But sometimes you know that you just can't deny it

The fast lane is too **** slow
Stop signs never turn to go
The geniuses just do not know
The fast lane is too **** slow

I'm tired of nothingness
Monotonous, lonely, stupid ****
Careful kids and reckless authority
Empty, broken, stupid conformity

The fast lane of moving assembly lines
The same **** action every time
"Gimme, gimme, it's all mine!"
Conveyor belts and assembly lines

I'm gonna go against the majority
Redefining your priority
Careful kids and reckless authority
Empty, broken, stupid conformity.

When I need you to help me
You make me feel worse
When I need your blessing
You give me a curse
When I need the sunshine
You bring me the rain
When I need a doctor
You just bring me pain
When I need you to fix me
You break me apart
When I need you to help me
You break my fragile heart.

It was nine years ago we met
Three years ago we parted
Twelve years later reunited
And we're not back to where we started.
Oh where did time go?
We were inseparable once
But now we're separated
And the feeling isn't fun
I supposed that we've both moved on
We've moved past "best friends forever"
But maybe our relationship
Will go on, misremembered.

The happiness is scarce
But the tears are plentiful
Stories unwritten
But bound to be pitiful

The happiness is scarce
Joy's rare but pain's common
You see it on the streets
With the crimes and the bombings

The happiness is scarce
A source un-renewable
So we store it for later
And ignore all the beautiful

The happiness is scarce
But we refuse to use it
Maybe that's why
We continue to lose it

The happiness is scarce
But the tears are plentiful
The only way to stop it
Is to make it all wonderful

Remembering the shadows
The remnants of the light
Because when the sun shines elsewhere
It leaves us here with night.
Remembering the storm
That came after the sun
Because when the sun hides away
We know the day is done
And when the day is finished
The moonlit gems come out
And the shadows cover the people
and darkness grows throughout.

What did I expect?
Fireworks or doves?
I know that all I wanted
Was your undivided love.
What did I really want?
You to finally see,
That you don't belong with her?
That you belong with me?

The battle scars and the gaping holes
The blood that bleeds 'til it overflows
The waiting for something that is truly lost
Is love really worth the debt that it costs?