You think I'm still here
Funny that,
I left just after you left, remember?
I didn't return when you did.

You just walked back in, remember?
her rust still on your tongue,
covered in shards of your broken heart.

Pitiful.

Wanting me to pick up your pieces.
Me, the one you dropped and shattered
Me, bearer of children, believer of lies.

Shamed.

While her memory cut you deep
it was me that healed your wounds
with the warm, self loathing comfort
of doing it for the kids.

Used.

You apologised, profusely, wrapped in crocodile tears 
yet the guilt was all mine.

Apparently.

You think I'm still here
Funny that...

Love tears at flesh and shatters souls
yet still we seek it's sweet unending agony.

Like the coming of the seasons
Expected yet revered
the tide whispers in
bringing with it
the cries of the oyster catchers
to soothe my weary brow.
Foam twists and wanes
rushing to my form
only to turn tail
and reappear within a ripple of time.
This water holds my soul
She heard my raging birth
as I heard her raging heart
We are connected
My turmoil hers
her turmoil heavily mine
as the moon sits uneasily
upon her horizon.

I am nothing

Insignificance itself

Spiralling rapidly

flailing in stillness

Words etched upon skin

black ink staining alabaster

bring judgement

upon my weary brow

unforgiving frowns weigh heavy

upon my already laden being

Lies paint my face in colour

while inside

only black remains.

We spoke again last night
your sweet lips dripping a heady bouquet
I love you
I miss you
I need you.

You said that when we kissed
the twenty years since our last
melted away
I want you
I need you
I'm sorry

You said that if it could be me
and we could be we
then you would move mountains
to make it so.

I know I should tell you
the lies I tell myself
I'm tired
I'm broken
I'm letting go.

Yet still you play your tune
and I always loved to dance.

Blindly into the black
Sensations muted
this patient
impatient, in-patient
writhes with silence
infested with love
yet tempted by the void.
Seeing all.
Feeling none.
Numb.
A state of delusion beckons
Serotonin downers
melancholy malaise.
Survival is key.

I am safe here
surrounded by my fortress
impenetrable to all but your smile.
If I were to tear it down at the sound of your laugh
Would you run?

Could you love a poetess
Who hangs on every word
and scribbles down the nuances
of all she's ever heard

Could you love a poetess
Who stumbles into black
then begs you for a candle
to guide her slowly back

Could you love a poetess
if someone clipped her wings
and wonder at her silence
when she no longer sings

Could you love this poetess
with all her broken parts
For she could love so fiercely
should someone touch her heart.

There upon the foamy waters
boats rock with silent ease
all about reflects the sky
forget me not blue
stretches the miles.
Hushed I watch the majesty
of simple lives
Under the toil of the sun
boatmen sing their nets ashore
shimmering with life
as though the dawn itself were caught
within
a single bell, chimes skylark sweet
keeping time with the rhythm of all.
Calling home calloused hands
to pretty parlours
where rest and the devil take hold.

Wake me slowly with wondering hands and aching need, that is all I ask. Sunlight may peek through drapes and blush at our waking if she will.
Lift me from crumpled sheets, warm and waiting, soft and willing.
Kiss every word on my skin, wind your fingers in my hair and dance with me to changing rhythms as morning fades.
Make me scream your name as the wild takes over. Base instinct rules as sanity dips and senses fill. Leave polite evolution at the door, we have no need of it now, we are our purest form in this moment, connected only by swollen desire, trembling now, I cling to myself as the levee breaks.

Is it so wrong
that you are my waking breath?
the unseen force that weighs my eyelids into blissful dreams?
Is it so wrong that your very touch stirs my soul?
How can it be so?

If I could wish anything for you
I'd wish for a world where you are loved always
Your laughter it's most precious sound
Your smile it's most wondrous gift
The quest for your heart
It's most fabulous adventure.

I am here
do you hear me whisper
as your name plays upon my lips
do you see my smile
in the light of my eyes
as you walk untethered through my mind
leaving soft fingerprints on my heart
like the echo of moonbeams
that once lit lovers on their way
I am here
reaching for you
do you sense it
do you dream of me as dawn approaches
am I real to you?

Am I destined to always wander
in search of a love long passed?
Me, your bold and broken youth
You, my ever present ache.

My skin is but a map of scars
a journal of all the times I have betrayed myself.
Raw emotion settles in silver lines
multiplying with every breath taken
in fear and rage at my reflection.
I write meaningless lines in hope of cure as I carry the weight of their shame. I let them go, to travel into the ether in hope of reply, of friendship, of hope that I am sometime seen. A doppelganger of my former self, I writhe and spit lines at shadows, the longing too deep to name, my loneliness a constant echo within the barrens of my mind.

She comes to me in whispers
her feet treading water above silvered shards
as her cerulean stare pierces the dark.
I breath in the atmosphere
as her chill sets my lungs to burn.
Both fear and adoration fill my mind as beauty in it's bleakest form, beckons.

I am scattered shards
many prisms
rainbow hues
cover black.
Blue ovals,
white circles
seek cures.

Words run deep,
cutting trenches
through scar tissue
best forgotten.

Untouched too long
by happy hearts
the broken self
Will sing once more.

When all is lost
how does the heart find peace.

Should I kiss every inch of your skin?
gentle hands tracing your outline in the dark
warm skin pressed against yours
as our movements become one.
Should I whisper your name as I come undone?
Then, when we are still,
and trading quickened breaths
will you whisper my name to the beat of your heart.

Tears fall like rain
scarring skin
as my heart breaks in two.

Who am I?

Swirling in a maelstrom, deepest black
as bruises form unseen.
Hands tremble like leaves
reaching for purchase
grasping for the last vestige of light.

All are beyond me now
Touch, a distant memory.
Sympathy tilts in time
with broken clocks
as impatience looms large
on my souls horizon.

Blood drips its crimson path
tainting all and maiming none
as temptation laughs her last
at my broken shell.

This night, too long to sing of
will not be my last.

To you my friend so lost in darkness
who feels forever set to roam
through troubles and unending torment
someday your heart will lead you home.

I will be here to walk beside you
to keep you safe within my palm
just trust in me as shadows call you
for I could never do you harm.

Glen Hansard**

I don't know you, but I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me and always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

Well, you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

String my heart with daisy chains
and lower me to peace
to lie in wait for mercy's hand
to bring my souls release.
The nightingale will sing her song
to mourn the passing day
as flowers linger up above,
themselves in sweet decay.

The pain is subtle at first
A still whisper of solitary words
Stitched together with pulling scars
and stained pages.

We weave the night,her mysterious follies
take shape against our reflection
keeping score for the needy
while damning the meek.

Bravery reigns as sword touches flesh
etching fears to woven rhyme
blood let in letter form
a release to all who know death.

Today I'll run, a bag on my shoulder packed lightly, there is nothing here I want or need anymore. I'll be the silent girl staring down the track, waiting for the rush and hum that will remove me from certain death, into uncertain life.
Today I'll fly from you, This fourth finger scar tissue always mine never yours, stunts circulation now and strangles every last breath from my scream dry throat.
I long to cry freedom for I have tasted enough salt water within our age of discontent. I have created oceans in your wake as I cling with broken fingers to the raft of my sanity.
Today I'll run, tomorrow I'll hope for the courage to stay.

Time slips through my fingers like
quicksilver kisses.
Forgotten dreams,
haunted days and scream filled memories mark the hours as they darken.

(I know not this creature, nor her needs anymore
she covets all but comfort, as scar tissue stifles her cries)

Spinning wildly now,
shadows heed my warning and run.
Silence whispers gladly
"a friend to none and foe to all"
Loneliness, my redeemer beckons with a knowing smile
and I am lost once more.

Too long have I suffered silently
within a silken chrysalis of deceit
Today I rise in bejeweled glory
soaring above all that has rendered harm.
Above the black I glide in colour
my truest form revealed.
Such joy unbound has come to pass
My heart sings at its revelation!
"I am more!" I cry to a thousand singing echoes
"This world is mine and life, it's best reward!"

Darkness consumes my every breath
Pulling me deeper into despair.
I am shadow, there is no light,
no smile to tear through the constant lonely aching. I cry, silently within this vacuum of my own design as my desire to be is slowly defeated.
All that remains is time and she alone will seal my fate.

Words like knives
issue violence
beneath dreams foretold,
a thousand sorrows
etched by slumbers hand.

"all is not lost"

a bitter platitude now
as I merge with the stillness.
My shoulders heavy with silence
I wait.

We are the darkness.
Smiling pretty as sinew is ripped from bone.
We scream silently into the fray our mouths stretched wide with furious scorn. Eyes blind to seeping sufference.
We are your echo, absorbed by shadow. No touch can save us, no words of salve to flayed skin will ever see us whole.
We are the darkness.
We live within you.

Whispers surround me
my name murmured
in a thousand dialects
though I am alone.
Blue sky thinking
black sky despair,
unpleasant bedfellows
for a corpse.
Hope lies steadily,
her icy depths temptation,
her followers below
glad eyed and grinning.
I am loss eternal
I do not beckon to the light,
I only live within the black
of my heathen creation.

Play me a song and I'll dance for you
barefoot and twirling on kitchen tile
sing me a melody lilting and true
then take my hand and we'll sway a while.

Draw me in close as the beat takes hold
my head on your chest as we keep the time
We'll dance until dawn brings and end to the stars
then I will be yours and you will be mine.

Scream

Hold your breath, don't look down
take the pills before you drown.
Pretty hues, a rainbow cure
to salve your soul, to make you pure.

Sing your song in darkened corners,
use your light to help you through
let your mind be free of borders
feel no shame in being you.

Do not run from your reflection,
seek the starlight in your eyes
listen not to others leanings,
stand your ground, ignore the lies.

Then when you are feeling stronger,
your battle scars a faded dream
I hope that peace will settle gently
upon your brow to quell your scream.

This goes out to all the anchors
The ports in storms.
The friendly smiles
the quiet hugs and handholders.
Those who brave the darkness
for the smallest ***** of light
are the most precious souls.

I went down to the river
washed the sin out from my bones
let the current take me over
cut my skin on sharpened stones
I felt the spirit move me
as I tumbled through the black,
sent my soul to see valhalla,
it ain't ever coming back.

As my tattered body surfaced
I looked back unto the shore
and knew that in that moment
I was lost forevermore.
I lingered low and lifeless
in amongst the tangled reeds
just a body filled with whiskey,
broken bones and evil deeds.

Let the water wash me over
let it cleanse the flesh away
let it crush my bones to powder,
leaving nothing to decay.
Let me live in constant darkness
filled with rage and zealots fire
only then will I taste liberty,
the one thing I desire.

Will you need my love as evening falls
and all the stars are mine
We'll welcome in the harvest moon
with a kiss of cherry wine.

Will  you need my love as passing time
turns everything to dust
We'll dance until we know no end
Among these leaves of rust

For I will need you constantly
My sweet unending friend
and I will walk the earth with you
until it's very end.

A first bloom
gold against green
proud headed and upright
swaying slightly in the March chill.
Oh such cheer in her countenance!
A presence of mind
breaks through frozen earth
leading a crescendo of life.
Abundance abound!
Beautiful as a glimmer in a childs eye
She cheers on the dawn.

Hold me tight against the chill
Bag my bones and bind my eyes
then lead me down to where you sleep
to lay amongst your pretty lies.

Whisper to me hymns of pain
Bind my hands with silver twine
then do your bidding, as you will
for there is none as sweet as mine.

You mean nothing to me
You are but a whisper
playing upon my conscience
twisting the sacred curve of my mortality
Until all around me burns.
Ash collects the tears at my feet
while you dance gaily in their wake.

To you I am everything
Your first, your last, your always
I am suffocated by your darkness.
Drowning in despair beyond measure
I scream for you to leave
while yearning for something more.
Your touch, subtle, yet forever damning
will bring torment to my wanton flesh.

We are all to each other.

You shoot words like bullets
Tearing me down
Every sentence delivers a blow
harder than the last.
You hate these words I write
they sit upon your heart like scar tissue.
"Not good enough,Never were
Never will be"
Your mantra will echo eternally.
You know not the damage you've done.

You speak to me
as though I am nothing but dirt.
Once you said you were lucky to have me, that you could lose yourself within my smile. Now there are only tears while you bellow and holler at the finality of my presence. There are no words left unspoken between us, just an all encompassing darkness brought forth by silence,where once there was love untamed. Will I ever be her again? The girl good enough to receive your affection rather than your scorn? Is there still hope behind my tear stained eyes? I think not.

I stared up at the mountain
she didn't notice me
this speck of insignificance
with tattered hopes and dreams.

I wondered at her beauty
She didn't notice mine
in silence we both stood there
as her colours marked the time.

In spring she's draped in emerald,
through summer purple hues,
with autumn come the russets
'neath a sky of palest blue.

Winter comes and how she shines
beneath the starlit night!
Embroidered with some evergreen
her robes of ****** white.

I stared up at the mountain
for countless hours, alone
and there, within her shadow
I found comfort, I found home.

She bore the sweetest lips I'd seen
and eyes of winter fire
her beauty lived within her grace
her soul lived in the mire.

She moved as winter strips the trees
with slow yet bold intent
and in her hands the hearts of men
were torn and truly spent.

She lay down where the nightshade grew
at many souls' behest
she took their love and lives the same
then laid her head to rest.

On summers nights I hear her call
a coldness at its depth
it wills me on to take my place
within the arms of death.

The little bird no longer flies
she sits and mourns her broken wings
her tattered feathers, faded now
will never feel the breath of spring.

She sings now for the life she lost
a silent sweet lament
such sad refrain, if heard aloud
would break the hearts of men

The little bird falls quiet now,
Her end is drawing near
and not a single soul will know
that she was ever here.

Where were you when the world turned black
Did you look away or stare right back?
When the rich man watched the paupers drown
Did you rage against, or defend his crown?
Will you sink or swim when the levee breaks,
Will you live in fear, or die in hate,
In the end when all is said and done
Which side of history will you be on?

I tried to die tonight
I opened flesh to scarlet ribbons,
cast in your shadow I bled
as you stood and watched

I tried to die tonight
a new concoction swallowed
rainbow hues for the weak
as you sang a lullaby

I tried to die tonight
you shouted hallelujah
and I was ****** forever
within your gleeful cry.

Won't you come and raise a glass
to faded faces from the past
to those we've loved no longer here
so missed around this time of year

Here's to the smile we'll never see
outside of hazy memory,
the echo of now precious laughs
ring out from faded photographs.

Here's to the memories I now hold
the lives I've loved, the stories told,
and the sometime tear that falls astray
for those I've lost along the way.

Out of the black
into deep blue
my soul swims
an ocean of tears
to a place of calm reflection.
Things I have lost,
places I've roamed
all distant now.

Echoes of a life shared,
the constance of a beating heart
are but strangers
now that fate has dealt her hand.
Stumbling through particles of time
within the overwhelming ache
of empty arms
I search for myself.

Dark days brought me here,
ragged and blown I stand within the devices of my fate
My roaring mouth wide, yet silent
against the cacophonous background. Brittle now, this heart of splendour
as flesh is drawn from parchment bones
revealing only words, their rhythms forever etched into my echo.

Sunsets the hue of broken hearts
Cast shadows on my silent tears
how can a love lie down and die
when nurtured for so many years
The bell it tolls as darkness falls
its solemn tone beguiling
a final death knell on our hearts
that once were bold and shining.
When morning comes we'll wake once more
to maintain the charade
and hope to gather up again
the love that we betrayed.