Sometimes I'll stand in front of that mirror for so long,
I'll forget why I came into the bathroom,
Because I can still see your fingerprints
And a faint outline of a kiss on that hollow spot above my collarbone,
The spot you would kiss romantically
And I would twitch and laugh, because it gave me shivers,
And you would do it again
Because we weren't ****
We were silly, and tickle fights were our thing
The best thing;
And those fingerprints
On my hips and my ribs from holding me close
But mostly in that spot on my back,
Just below my shoulder blade,
Where you would tap your fingers to say Hello,
Remind me you were there, and I was yours;
Those aren't fading very fast;
I was always jealous of your tattoos,
The real ones and the ones that I would trace
When there was no light for me to see
That beauty is truth and truth beauty
But I suppose you gave me tattoos in a way
Left your mark in a way that only I could see
But today,
Today I saw me
Just me,
Clear skinned and smiling.

I must be incredibly wary
and alert
and I gotta follow my gut because there’s a reason to why
it aches
or jumps with excitement;
it knows
much more than my head does;
and I must hold myself firmly like a proud statue, but I can’t just stay in one place
I need to tiptoe on a tightrope
I mustn’t fall, but if I do, I mustn’t fuss
just get back up again,
just get on with it

I went to an art gallery this afternoon
and the theme of one small contemporary art room
was,
“just get on with it”,
(I decided that myself anyway);
there was a painting of an airplane, resting on snow,
that one was obvious
I said, “just get on with it, then, fly”
there was a painting of a snowy road,
that one was obvious too
there was a painting of a sad girl
again, obvious
but then there was a painting of a person
with a large smudge of green on his face, he barely had a face
and a large smudge of white on his waist, he barely had a waist;
I concluded,
“sometimes you don’t have a face and you just need to get on with it”
because my mood was easy breezy silly this afternoon;
but now I’m thinking
sometimes you lose your identity
and you just need to get on with it

I can barely take anyone serious when they ask the question,
“who am I?”
the answer is obvious if you allow simplicity into your heart,
“you’re what you are experiencing and feeling and being right now, and it’ll change all the time in every moment”
so,
I feel kind of commiserable
and much of a parody
for sitting in a busy mall foodcourt, with a cup of coffee I didn’t even buy at that foodcourt,
remixing an old song on garageband,
then looking up and realizing I’m surrounded by all of these kiwi strangers
and finally asking the question
“who am I”
oh I’m a lunatic, aren’t I?

I must be open, but not too open
and easy to get along with, but not too easy to get along with
I must catch a wave on the first try,
but if I wipe out, I mustn’t turn red;

I need to watch what I say
before I say it
but also find the courage to speak
when I’m shy
and I must be considerate
but not let people walk all over me

I can’t be a pushover, and I can’t be too much of a leader
because I don’t know what I’m doing
here;
I can love but I shouldn’t fall in love
at least for awhile
because I’m still high from the transition and I’m dubious of how
authentic and sincere
my falling in love
would be

worrying is the most unnecessary thing
money isn’t an issue
(right now)
and loneliness is a blessing
but it’s also a sickness
and I must remind myself that I’m worth not being lonely
and instead being free
and above all,
I am capable of anything I set my mind to,
even if I forget
“who I am”
or “what I wanna be”
above all,
I must always be me.

you awaken in an unfamilar place
it's smells of bleach & latex
where are you?
you see your family
surrounding a bed
with a girl whose body has taken refuge on
she looks weak
her skin is pale
why does she look so familar?
your mother has her head in her hands
she can't stop crying & whispering, "it's my fault."
you try to comfort her, but you seem to go right through her
nobody seems to notice you
your dad sits alone
across the room from your mother
they don't comfort each other
they never loved each other
a doctor comes inside the room
your parents stand up & rush over to him
he says it was too late to save her
too late to flush out the pills
she was already gone
that's when it hits you,
hard.
the girl isn't a familar face, shes you
you couldn't take it, you finished the bottle
& you said you had no regrets.
you try to take it all back
but darling, it's far too late

you're already gone.
a.c.

It seems that every time
I get in trouble, it's my mouth
My brain is heading northward
While my mouth is heading south

You know when you say something
And the person's there...behind
That's me...daily
My mouth don't tell my mind

I'm the one who is the punching bag
I can't censor what I say
My mouth moves faster than
My brain, most every day
I tell a girl I want her
While she's holding someone's hand
And then I stand waiting for...
The first punch thrown to land

I never ever get a chance
To ever hit them back
It's over in a second
It's a one punch full attack

My mouth runs on a motor
That my brain just can not stop
I speak and then they hit me
It's ....over quickly...pop

I'm the one who is the punching bag
I can't censor what I say
My mouth moves faster than
My brain, most every day
I tell a girl I want her
While she's holding someone's hand
And then I stand waiting for...
The first punch thrown to land




I'm a punching bag most weekends
I just say what's in my head
I get knocked out so often
I'm surprised that I'm not dead

Most times, I hit on women
They're busy dancing with their guy
I got hit so much last summer
I thought I only had one eye


I'm the one who is the punching bag
I can't censor what I say
My mouth moves faster than
My brain, most every day
I tell a girl I want her
While she's holding someone's hand
And then I stand waiting for...
The first punch thrown to land

My mouth runs on a tangent
My mind is not as fast
I don't spend much cash drinking
My nights just do not last

I always end up battered
Never have a chance to see
The boyfriend or the husband
That went one punch with me

I'm falling down that rabbit hole
This love has taken its toll
Drifting through this swirling abyss farther down
I finally spot the ground
Feet planted firmly
A bustling tea party
Offer me a drink
Just a spot, the tea cups clink
Filled with who knows what
I want to run but
I'm growing
Overflowing
I need to find you
You'll know what to do
To get me out of this mad, mad, world inside
Without you, I can only run and hide
You are my bravery to help me defeat
The monsters I must beat
To get back to reality
The cat told me I must find my sanity
Without you it's not there
Just ask the March Hare
I'm mad without you by my side
Much like the hatter who uses his hat as a ride
Can't you see we're late?
For a very important date
We must get back now
We have no time to figure out how
We'll fight our madness together
Get out of this world forever
Fight the jabberwocky
To find the key
Back reality with you by my side
You are my bravery, my sanity, my pride

you wrote what you called
'part-time poetry'
and I'm still not sure what
exactly that means.
but I think you were also
part-time in love with me,
a few days a week in a few
daydreams,



and I was always full-time
in love with you.