The
house I'd built is nothing now, I'm walking past a hole
I tell myself that I cannot return without a soul
The sacrifices I had made are nothing more than this:
Ephemeral experiments, a reoccurring kiss
I used to think my sorry lips were something of a door
A gate protecting parts of me but that was all before
I came across a verbiage that entered through my teeth
That made its way inside of me and settled underneath
The time it took to reinforce its structure with my bones
Has passed like an eternity, in never ending groans
I'll change the bricks to powder soon by mulling over thoughts
And place them in a mortar to contain them while they rot
And as the house of sand and fog is gradually entombed
The ground will hold a funeral to bury every
room

I am not okay with the idea of seeing a doctor,
To be told how broken I am,
I am not okay with the thought of seeing a therapist,
Purging my mind to someone who is paid to give a ****,
I am not okay with the thought of swallowing pills,
Forcing myself to swallow each ounce of false happiness
To please everyone else,
I am not okay with people hiding my blades from me
As if I'll never realise that they're missing
Or that I'll suddenly forget the desire to cut away the pain,
I am not okay with people telling me this for my own good,
Because who could ever know what's good for me?
I am not okay with my family telling me they are proud one minute
Then telling me to give up the next,
I am not okay with having to smile through each day
While trying to battle back the oncoming stream of tears,
Teachers asking me if I'm managing at college
Because I "look a little under the weather",
I am not okay with having to eat food
To look normal
When all I want to do is throw it away,
But people pay attention too much.

I am not okay with another breath escaping my lungs,
Falling asleep knowing that my eyes will open the next day,
I am not okay with living,
But nobody will let me go,
And I want them to.