I continue to lie to myself
Tell myself that everything is fine
And that I'm jolly right
But that's not the truth
I mean why would it be
When everything is so momentary

My voice is monotone
My emotions dull
As my heart beats like a persistent drum
I've been trying to find my own nirvana
My escape from pain
I thought I found it
Turns out that it was a trap

A word that falls so easily from parted lips
Something that rarely anyone means,
But is always said
I wonder how you can lie there in you bed
And not think about all the things you've done

But we all say thanks
We all think that you're great
We walk around the halls to find ourselves blinded by love
For a guy we don't know
A guy who doesn't care
But now I've fallen into the trap of your beauty
You've glued me into your web

Now all I can say is thanks

I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just to illustrate how you had trapped me
But that wasn't true
You haven't trapped me
I have trapped myself
In your strange wake that bring me near
Then pushes me back out the ocean of the people caught on your riptide

I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just so that I could tell about what you had done
How you had kept me there to torture me
And how you didn't know that you were
But then I found that it was all a lie

I was going to write about chains and dungeons
Tell about how you did this to me
But I decided to tell the truth about  this cage
It's made of the strongest brick,
The biggest chains that wrap around me like a python
But this torture
It's self-imposed

If I had know that I was going to write a poem about you I wouldn't have
If I known I would fall in love with you
I would have never met you
And if I had known how much I would hurt
I would have already been dead

But that's not the way that it works, is it?
We are to find love
Find pain
And everything that goes with
But I never wanted this I never wanted to feel
I hated it so much
You hated me so much
But I can't do much about it now,
Can I?

If I had know
I would never had felt this way
I would have never had my heart leap
And jump out of my chest
If I had known
So much would be different
And you would be long gone

I wish there was a poem for life
Not so many written in the late hours of the night
One that could express love and anguish
All in the same sentence
One that could describe grief and the feeling of a knife
All in the same line

A poem that you could memorize
And tell it to yourself
On all the lonely nights
A poem that could make you laugh and cry
In one sonnet
You would thank whoever wrote it
And cry when they said they didn't
Then your tears would fill yet another ocean

Some people have told me my dreams are something I will never reach
And I have told them to wait until they can really see
Some of them do
They wait for me to succeed but others just sit there
Plan
Commiserate
And curse me when I got there just fine
I laugh when I wish for something
Than obtain it the minute

I wished for a poem of life
It turns out I've already wrote it

A blade of grass tickles your ankle
As a weeping willow branch whisps against your face
You see her standing there with the same pearly skin and white smile
You welcome her into your arms
Smell her blonde hair as it shines in the sun
Flowery vines hang from a place you cannot see

You come to visit her every so often
When you have time to spare
The light shines off her skin, so fare
The love you feel is out of this world

Suddenly she dissolves
A figment of your imagination
But so many other people come to see her
You wonder how you could possibly let her go
She is gone
But you keep her here
In a memory
Something sweeter than honey
Smoother than silk
And even more beautiful
Than any other meadow

Nothing more dangerous than the blade tearing into my skin
Nothing scarier than the exhilarating pain that comes from the knife
You told me that I was ******* up
That there was something wrong with me
I didn't argue with you
For I knew that it was true
And I wonder what you have done with my blade

It felt so right
Blade covered in my blood
The little wounds on my arm that declared me insane
Until you told me that I needed a change

You ask me now, 'would you still do it, if given the choice?'
I say no and keep playing the most dangerous game
Little do you know that I still yearn for the silvery blade
The feel of the knife against skin
Perfect little marks on my arm
Calling me with their raised red bits of skin
There's nothing more dangerous than your brain, what you think
And being truly insane