Day five; 6/14/14
you didn't answer me today
no matter how long I fall apart over you, you're name never reads across my phone screen

I wish so much that I could be glad about my living days
and love my nights even more
but instead I keep my mind busy in the daylight and cut my thighs til I fall asleep in the night time

I used to think you were the vest parts of me
now I'm beginning to believe you are the worst of me

you've ruined me

you stole my breath right from my lungs
and my heart right from my chest
and you don't care that you left me lifeless
you stole from my mind
you stole my words and made them yours
you stole my spine
the one and only back bone I had
now you've got two and you use them to say whatever hateful words come to mind


you stole my beating heart right from my chest and just threw it in the trash

Day four; 6/13/14
Today's Friday the 13th. I didn't talk to you today. I didn't have to think about you for two hours while I slept in the day. I didn't dream of you or anything. Needless to say, I saw your face the rest of the day.
I cut my things last night while thinking about you. My breathing a raspy today, but surely there.
The four chambers of my heart aren't pumping blood as they should because you've filled all their spaces.
X-rays have confirmed your hair falling out of every hole in my chest are.
I miss school these days because at least I knew you had a place to escape that was safe.
Now you're going away -running away- to the Air Force and I'm terrified you'll never return.
You turn eighteen on September 5th.
You'll officially old enough to leave.

I can't watch you go.

Day one; 6/10/14
I got your text in the van at the ballpark. I'm sitting shot gun with my mom next to me. I need to cry but I can't.

Day two; 6/11/14
I can't breathe. My chest is swollen. I'm so mad I want to punch you. I want to knock your door down and kiss you. I'm dying not being able to speak to you. I love you so much. You've bled poison into my veins. I ache everywhere.

Day three; 6/12/14
I told my counselor that I was gay today. I haven't told her that I love you yet. I want to break all ten of my fingers just to keep from texting you. I need to inhale you again. Please tell me what you did was a mistake.

Night three; 6/12/14
I talked to you tonight but you were very mean. I think it is bad that I don't know if this is the new you or the hurt you. I hope you're around for me to find out. I'm in this for the long haul.

"It must
be horrible
to live
your life".

I tried to
forget you
but you're
trapped under
the skeletons
in my closet