Is this just me or do you too feel like
no-one will play with you cause they are
infused with fear that
paralyses and do you
too have trouble to
differentiate whether it is
your personal mind giving you
this or whether this time
really
it is not you but
truly
everyone else

do you too have the urge to
pull everyone out of their
pale stupor and show them the
sunlight still there
do you too
have the urge to stand in the streets and shout look
at me my eyes are
not contagious

do you too have the feeling
something outrageous is happening here that
we have long
anticipated and
go through
now
in the most
disturbing way

or is it
really
just me

i still drink coffee
even though it makes my hands shake
and my anxiety spike
i still smoke
even if it burns my lungs
and turns them to tar
i still drink
even though it makes my throat burn
and makes my words slur
i still love you
even though my heart begs for me to stop
and my mind can't take it anymore.