You do not know pain
I repeat
You do not know pain
Not until you have watched the words "I do not care"
Fall out of the lips of the person you hold most dear
You do not know pain
Not until they look at you and smile
While you fall apart
You do not know pain
Not until they act as if the world is well
As yours comes crumbling around your feet
You do not know pain
Not until they have nothing left to say
Letting you pour yourself into apologies you have no right saying
You do not know pain
Not until they ignore your very presence
As you walk around turning into the ghost they want you to be
You do not know pain
Not until your love and your heart belong to such a cold soul
A cold soul that once warmed your insides and reminded you of hope
You do not know pain
Not until they steal your last ray of sun
And give it to someone who once meant nothing when you meant the world
You do not know pain
You do not know Pain

living on the edge of my seat is no way to live
constant butterflies flap their wings in my chest
i don't know how to stop it all
how do i live without fear, how do i live with it
they say I'm brave
but i am constantly afraid
to turn a corner or a page
to say hello or goodbye
to shake hands or hold you close
to kiss you or push you away
i am afraid
anxious…….
living as a ghost of myself in a world of warm blooded people
tapping my toes and biting my fingertips
until they bleed
pulling at my lips until they burn
it hurts and theres no cure
i can't sit still, i can't wake up
those butterfly wings are going to fly me far away from here
and i am not not not coming back
if i can't live without fear
i will not live at all

i never intended to start smoking
i promised
but when you kissed me with smoke on your lips
i needed a way
to make that last forever

I don't like dreaming anymore.
When I sleep I see you
I feel you
I kiss you
I hold you
I squeeze you and you squeeze back
But those few hours of euphoria
are not worth a waking life of missing you
I can't open my eyes and watch you fade into a memory
Your lips fizzle into a lingering taste on my tongue
It hurts to wake up and if I have to do it one more time
I promise it will be the last
I've lost you more times than I can count
And it's not fair
It's so unfair that my last dream will be the best
By far.

Ever since I first laid eyes on your scars
I knew
I wanted to be your hero
I can't save you
No only you can do that
I am your hero on the sidelines
Cheering you on as you take on the world
Kissing the scrapes and bruises and picking you up when you fall
I am here to make sure you keep going
I cannot save you
I'm just here to remind you that you're worth the effort
I will never leave
I want to be your hero

My grieving process is warped because of my family.
They yell at me, hurt me and upset me.
Then ten minutes later act as if nothing is wrong.
How can my sister say she is going to **** me then be so kind when my mother walks in the room?
How can she blackmail me with all my secrets that she knows then ask to hear more?
It hurts and I'm tired of it.

You and Me are like two and three.
You always come first.